03-18-2017 09:20 PM - edited 03-18-2017 09:22 PM
And you'll also run into trouble if upon evaluating these things you find that someone is taking care of 100% of the bills while also taking care of 75%-80% of the housework, especially if the perception of the person that is paying 0% of the bills and is doing 20%-25% of the housework agrees on these numbers... that is, their perception of the situation is exactly that of the partner.
I'm not going to argue over 50% verses 40% or 30%. But, if you're talking 100% vs 0% I'd find it hard to believe that anyone can view that as "fair."
I think your bitterness may be clouding your perspective, but I wish you luck.
03-18-2017 10:13 PM
Perhaps you misread yet another one of my posts.
I said their perspective, not my perspective. If their perspective (my partner) is that I'm paying 100% of the bills and doing 75%-80% of the housework while contributing equal time raising our child, how is that "fair?" Or, do you not have an answer for that?
03-19-2017 05:37 AM
I must admit that I agree with BrutalBodyShots on this. If someone is working less hours they should take on more of the housework.
I think that's only fair.
If you've got one person working more, paying all the bills and doing 75%-80% of the housework (with equal roles/time with a child should there be one) I think that's a recipe for disaster. I've experienced it first hand. I'm not sure I've heard of anyone feeling that this is a sustainable plan for any relationship for a long period of time.
03-19-2017 05:45 AM - edited 03-19-2017 05:46 AM
Once again, best of luck to you. My comment above stands.
03-19-2017 06:17 AM
I think you are right in terms of your subjective experience, but there may come a time that your perception shifts.
I have a friend right now whose wife has post-partum depression. She has had it for over a year. She can't work or bring herself to do much, but he is fine to carry all that weight right now for his wife and child until she gets better.
That may not be for everyone, but there are certainly circumstances that can change that 50/50 share at times.
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03-19-2017 06:46 AM - edited 03-19-2017 06:48 AM
If someone is working less hours they should take on more of the housework.
Say she earns one time more hourly than he does. She works half a day, while he works a full day. How do they distribute their daily payments and chores at home?
03-19-2017 07:23 AM
Although everybody has raised valid points and most everybody luckily seems to have found a method that works for them and their partners, I've had two relationships run into trouble on this issue of who does more of the work around the house, inside and out. My partners and I each agreed on a 50/50 split of expenses and a split of household duties. Then I found myself doing the majority of the work while they persued hobbies or just neglected their side of the work agreements, sometimes finding excuses to avoid jobs they had plainly agreed to take responsibility for.
If you agreed on a 50/50 split of expenses, does that mean both of you brought exactly equal amounts of income to the table? If so, I agree that makes perfect sense to evenly split both expenses and household duties 50/50. If you've got someone however earning 1/2 the money as the other yet they're contributing even money still with respect to expenses, relative to their income they are actually contributing more financially, which IMO means it's only fair that they contribute proportionally less household duties wise compared to the partner.
We did not have equal incomes. In the first relationship, my partner had a higher and more steady income. I simply considered it a matter of pride and justice for me to pay half the expenses even though my partner made more and his income was more dependable. (I don't claim that this is the right thing for anybody else, in fact I think it was the wrong thing. It's just what I believed at the time.)
In the second relationship, neither one of us had high incomes and we were both freelancers, so our incomes fluctuated. Sometimes he had the higher income, sometimes I did, but the difference was never huge. It was never like one of us had a six figure income while the other made $10k a year or anything like that.
I've always been a big believer in each partner pulling his or her own weight, although of course that can be measured in many different ways. Some of those ways can be easily quantified, some not. But I thought the best split for a childless couple was 50/50 on paying bills and 50/50 on work around the house. It seemed simple and even obvious to me, but while the 50/50 money split WAS easy and obvious, the 50/50 work split turned out to be obvious only to me. I am single now primarily because I got tired of carrying much more than my share of the work on the house and property.
03-19-2017 09:15 AM