03-07-2017 02:31 PM
Joint custody has nothing to do with child support. If we share time 50/50, I'm still responsible for paying her half of the NYS percentage for a single child (17% is full, so 8.5%) according to the lawyer I met with. Her income is significantly lower than mine which certainly helps her with respect to child support.
03-07-2017 07:00 PM - edited 03-07-2017 07:01 PM
BBS, this is not directed at you as you seem to be trying to be logical and do the right thing but...
I find it disturbing how men in America try to get out of paying or scheme to pay as little as possible of their pay to support their BIO CHILD.
You are not paying HER. You are paying to support the needs of your child. Housing, utilities, food, clothing, shoes, diapers, medical insurance, etc. etc etc. Kids are REALLY expensive! And to live in a safe, decent school district, even more expensive.
Listen sex leads to babies. You want sex, you get babies. It's not the woman's fault or only the woman's responsibility. Man up guys. The women have certainly womaned up and taken care of the kids, alone.
#single mom and I did it all myself w no help and I let him see the child as often as he wants, but he barely sees him and he doesn't give me money #reality
Look up the statistics for how single moms live and how they're struggling.
When thinking of child support, you should consider what QUALITY OF LIFE you want for your child. Do the math for how much it actually costs.
And if the woman really is a horrible person and a lunatic (as guys often say), then get the court docs for whatever percentage, and pay the bills, or buy the clothes in addition to that so you know your money is covering actual child necessities.
03-07-2017 07:16 PM
I don't disagree with some of what you say above. I do however feel that child support when based as a percentage isn't always indicative of reality.
For example, if I make $70k a year, my ex is entitled to roughly $1000/mo. If I make $350k, my ex gets $5000/mo. Do you think it can really be justified that child support should be $5000/mo for a single child or $60k/year? $60k a year would not only support the child, but would allow the mother to not work a day of her life going forward if that's what she decided to do. My point is that when based on a percentage, child support can be a bit outrageous. I get it that it's for the child, but it's not feasible that a parent would spend thousands of dollars on a single child when you're living in a basic apartment or what have you. This is why I find child support being based on a percentage of gross income to be a bit ridiculous.
03-07-2017 07:55 PM
Yes the numbers should make sense.
I mean, it should be like, let's make a budget of all the expenses for the child and split is 50-50 if both parents work full time or maybe 70-30 if one works full time and the other part time (in order to be home w the child).
And like I said, if you don't want to give so much cash to the mother then make the court agreement for a certain amount, and also that the person will pay medical ins premiums and clothing or whatever on top of that.
Just would be nice to see some respect for the mother also, who has given the greatest gift in the world to the man, and without her humanity ceases to exist literally.
There should be a deep sense of gratitude to her.
And also, pregnancy is the worst thing ever to go through, there is nothing simple or easy about it, it's miserable the entire time! And it's so long! And completely destroys your body. And then to have to go through labor which btw women still DIE in childbirth in America, in hospitals, okay. There is no such thing as "popping a baby out".
BBS you seem like a good guy, and you have my respect for that.
03-08-2017 04:54 AM
I appreciate your kind words. I agree that the entire pregnancy through birth process is grueling. Obviously being on the other side of it, men will never fully understand it, but we can certainly respect what it takes to go through it.
Overall I suppose I'm just quite bitter since my relationship just ended. She decided to end it, not me, which naturally equates to me being more upset/emotional over the breakup than her. I also know that she left me for someone else. She doesn't know I know that (yet) but it is a fact. What's disturbing to me is that as parents we're both supposed to always have our son's best interest in mind; he should always come first. For me, I have no choice in that right now as I've got nothing BUT him. She however is fixated on someone new in her life and is making all of her decisions around this person and as a result does NOT have our son's best interest in mind. I will never forgive her for not at least trying, not just for us, but for our son. Since he has special needs this process is only going to be even harder on him than would otherwise be the case. He doesn't understand why he goes 3-4 days without seeing Mommy and then goes 3-4 days without seeing Daddy. It's very sad and tragic.
But, back to the topic of child support related to what I just said above... child support is obviously for the best interest of the child. Where I feel the disconnect is with my situation is that IMO his mother does not have his best interest in mind. She hasn't for a few months now and probably won't for a while longer either. And, again, I'm obviously speaking out of emotion since this breakup has been a very difficult one.
03-10-2017 01:30 PM - edited 03-10-2017 01:33 PM
As a person (stepmom) who has spent the past 2.5 years in and out of court fighting for what should just be naturally given to fathers (50/50 custody) I can say this..
DO NOT PLAY FAST AND LOOSE WITH A VERBAL AGREEMENT.
Everything.. Down to pick up and drop off times needs to be written and signed off on by a judge.
Obviously, the hope is that at some point you would be friendly enough to not use the court ordered parenting agreement- but you absolutely have to have one to fall back on if things go south.
For example- we fought, and won 50/50 custody and had written into our agreement everything from number of days each parent had to notify the other before leaving state with child (for vacation,) to which parent gets to hold birthday party with classmates each year (alternate)
Obviously we were hoping it needn't be that granular, but the situation with bio-mom was such that it had to be done.
Now- everyone gets along famously. And we do things more on the fly. But that parenting agreement is filed, and in safe-keeping for if it ever is NOT hunky-dory again.
Child Support- as previous posters have mentioned- is pretty cut and dry. it's a math formula based on income and time spent with each parent.
My last word of advise- get 50/50 as quickly as you can on the books. Father's rights in this country are a joke- and if you agree to anything less, it will take you YEARS to make it to that 50/50. (we do a 5-2-2-5 schedule which is the preffered method in CO. 7 days on and 7 days off is more rare)
PM me if you have questions. we've been in and out of the wringer with this.
03-11-2017 09:00 PM - edited 03-11-2017 09:28 PM
I finally filed for joint custody with my ex in the fall. We have a 50/50 split, but I make 3x what he does so I wound up having to pay child support.
My ex has this issue where he needs to "win", so everytime we came to an agreement, he found something wrong with it, so it cost me about $5000 in lawyer/court costs. Child support was done through the state, so it will be deducted directly from my paycheck, I think it is starting on the next pay period, so I can let you know how it looks.
and in re: to stellar - I was a single parent for 6.5 years and he didn't give me any money and only came around to get laid. I had three jobs at one point, food stamps, it was bad, and he still told me if he was going to pay child support he wouldn't be in the child's life anymore... and I believed him because he cheated on me, got her pregnant, and abandoned that child because he had to pay child support. As soon as his lawyer told him he could get child support, he counter-petitioned for sole custody asking for the maximum amount of child support, which was about $1400/mo if he had won. It's mind-boggling how some men are so selfish. Thankfully his lawyer talked sense into him before taking it to court and the mediator helped him see that he was going to wind up with absolutely nothing and a judge recommending he not even be granted joint custody.
He is supposed to put money in her lunch account or make her lunches on the days she's with him, but he doesn't, he also doesn't pay medical bills he's supposed to and I always find out when they are passed due and I call to make her an appointment and have to pay it. I'm hoping these things persuade the judge to waive my child support obligation next year since he doesn't pay for anything.
I agree that it shouldn't be percentage based off of combined incomes. It should be based off of actual expenses and realistic estimation of those expenses. The fact that i'm paying my ex $500/month is unjust.
|EX08 659||EQ08 660||TU08 695||Starting: mid 300's||Goal: 700|
03-14-2017 09:24 AM
I've seen this from both sides.
OP, as others have mentioned, no matter how amicable the split, go through the courts. This is for your protection and is going to be best for your child. You never know who you'll sit in front of in court and despite people thinking judges are beacons of fairness...they often bring their biases. And often, non-married fathers aren't treated as well.
I'm a single mom who has collected a grand total of about $5,000 in support for 2 kids. I've done well and have one in college and one on the way to college.
I married a single father. He has an insanely inequitable split for custody vs support. His ex makes about 50% more than he does, but this judge allowed her to somehow show a deficit of over $3,000 per month in expenses. Let things fly like $600/month for books for an 8 year old. It was ridiculous. He was in effect paying 60% of his income in support. And multiple attempts to get it amended were shot down by the judge. Like the $550/month for childcare. He's 12 now and she works from home and we KNOW that he is not in any afterschool care. Judge's words? Well she's accustomed to receiving that now.
So yes, both parents have to contribute but if you have a kid by a spiteful person and the courts are not being impartial, oh yes, you are PAYING HER. It can be very frustrating.
1) Best interest of your kid
2) self protection
3) amicable relationship with your child's mother
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