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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead


GregB wrote:

Yes, it will......after she gets to the point of filing for new credit in your name with her mailing address.


Good point. Might be wise to freeze your reports, at a minimum.

 

Help me out everyone, if it needs to be something other than a freeze. I don't think you can do a fraud alert before someone pulls something, but I don't know much about these.

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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

I'm really sorry to hear that your kindness and generosity towards your sister resulted in more grief for you, and more irresponsibility for her. No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose... :smileysad:

 

It sounds as though your dear older sister could use a good dressing down by Judge Judy! :smileytongue:

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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

so for $300 plus you really dont have a sister, how about that, ?

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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

Actaually, it's cost me more than $300....the repossessed truck 10 years ago cost me $7000 so I wouldn't have a judgement.
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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

I think you have gone far, far beyond being a good sister and are well on the way to enabling further bad behavior.

 

With the info provided, it seems to me she has no concept of personal responsibility.

 

She seems to be assuming that somebody will keep digging her out. She needs to dig herself out so that she will understand personal responsibility.

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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

I couldn't agree more GregB!  

 

I made the choice in September to no longer enable her, but it's been tough.  I hate not having the relationship I once had with her, but as I've gotten older I realize that it was more of a one-sided relationship.  As long as I was providing assistance, we communicated regularly.  She will always be my sister, but I will no longer be her crutch.

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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

I think you said it all right there. As long as you provided her with financial assistance you two communicated. So what does that say about the "relationship"? Give her what she wants, and don't hold her responsible, or she isn't interested in you. That's just toxic. Not just financially, but mentally to you! We should never have to buy someone's love and acceptance. Enabling her is not healthy for either of you. It just builds resentment. If you keep bailing her out, she will never learn to manage for herself. It does more harm than help. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is just to say "no". Personally, I would tell your husband about what happened. Why be dishonest? But then again, I don't know the full scope of the situation. Good luck with everything!


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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

A bit of a disappointing update...I was suckered again :smileysad:

 

So, after mailing the certified letter to my sister letting her know I was going to take her to small claims court for the $350 she owes PLUS any fees associated with filing, she sent me a text (from a new pre-paid cellphone) that she would pay $50 1/15/12, $50 2/15/12 and $250 no later than 2/29/12....Well, it's 3/20/12 and I have yet to receive a dime.  She claims this is all due to her tax refund being "held up" with the IRS.  I read quite a few horror stories with people's experiences this year with the refunds, but in my opinion, that doesn't hold water since she didn't even make the payment in January. 

 

Everytime I text her she ensures me that as soon as she receives her refund she will pay the full balance.  I then get a text from her on Friday letting me know she decided to go to California for the weekend.  UGH!!!  Sure....she has the money to blow in Cali but she can't even make a small payment to me!?!?! 

 

(and just in case someone wants to come back at me about her being family - it breaks my heart that my sister has done this to me countless times over the last 14 years.  I was extremely close to my sister but have since grown apart because of the financial abuse...I've had to make a decision - my sister or my husband)

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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

So sorry about your situation. If it's coming down to her or your husband, at least you already know what you have to do, although I'm sure it is hard. The things she "needs" you to help her with are not necessities, they are extras, which hopefully makes your decision easier. She can get a prepaid phone and take the bus (the car she burned you on before). It's not like you're pushing her out to live into the street by not helping her with these things.

I really feel for your situation but if you're at all on the fence about suing her I would wait to take any action until you're absolutely sure. Not my place to give advice as only you know your entire situation, but filing suit against your sister could cause rifts between more of your family than just you and your sister, i.e. other siblings, parents, etc. I'm sure you've already taken all this into account as you've dealt with it for years.

Good luck with your situation. :smileysad:
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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

You need to make a choice at this point, but the alternatives are pretty clear cut.

 

Do you really want to engage in small claims court?

Does it have to be right now?

 

Yes, she is your sister, but sometimes "she is family" is also the worst excuse for enabling terrible behavior.

You seem to have the benefit of time on your side, plus you are armed with the knowledge of what to expect from her from now on. Use this to your advantage.

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