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Senior Contributor
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Registered: ‎07-25-2008
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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

I'm not surprised she stiffed, casmith.


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Established Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-20-2010
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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

Me either Smiley Sad. I texted her today for status and she said "another 6-8 weeks". Knowing my sister, she probably spent her refund before she got it yet I'm the one screwed on getting paid back. $350 isn't a lot of money....it's the principle. What is so darn hard about being a responsible adult?!!
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Senior Contributor
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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

You should probably just forgive the debt and redefine the boundaries of this relationship.


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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

I've already put invisible boundaries up, but I plan on pursuing the debt too =\. I know I'm exerting a lot of energy on a trivial amount of money, but I'm standing my ground now because of what she did when I was younger (and naive). I've definitely learned to stop putting myself in the position to get screwed over. Smiley Sad so sad and frustrating
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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead


casmith1980 wrote:
I've already put invisible boundaries up, but I plan on pursuing the debt too =\. I know I'm exerting a lot of energy on a trivial amount of money, but I'm standing my ground now because of what she did when I was younger (and naive). I've definitely learned to stop putting myself in the position to get screwed over. Smiley Sad so sad and frustrating

I am not going to defend your sister or her inconsiderate and irresponsible actions. I am, however, going to ask you to take a look at your motivations in standing your ground. 

 

Other than ending up geting your $350 back, what do you gain from taking her to court?  Do you really think that it will in ANY way help your sister to change? Will it help you in any way?  Does taking her to court have collateral family damage, or in other words, are other family members upset about it or giving you grief for doing it?  Will it damage even more your already difficult relationship with your sister?  Is this worth the hurt it can cause between you and DH?  Are your motivations pure or revenge driven?

 

Personally, I would step back and just forget about the $350.  I would NEVER, EVER, help her financially again.  I would put my marriage first, and let the whole thing go away peacefully. IMHO.


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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead


casmith1980 wrote:
I've already put invisible boundaries up, but I plan on pursuing the debt too =\. I know I'm exerting a lot of energy on a trivial amount of money, but I'm standing my ground now because of what she did when I was younger (and naive). I've definitely learned to stop putting myself in the position to get screwed over. Smiley Sad so sad and frustrating

I hear ya, but I have to say that when I read this, I think you're still trying to have the last word, or show her, or make her admit what she did, or something.

 

I don't think that any of the above is going to happen, and I think that by going to court you're just going to keep picking at the scab, maybe thinking that it will shock her into right behavior, when in fact it will probably just get uglier.

 

Lots of people have wasted $350 on some sort of community college class, or online training, or a correspondence course in weaving, or whatever. As hard as it might be, I'd just assign this whole sorry experience to that category, and just walk away.

 

It sounds like you have a keeper of a husband. Smiley Happy We can't pick the families that we're born into, but we can pick the families that we marry into, and I'd say that your future happiness lies with your hubby. Toss some salt over your shoulder, spit on the ground three times, and walk away from your truly pitiful sister. She isn't worth your time, energy, and emotion.

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Senior Contributor
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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

I agree wih hauling, casmith.

 

Your husband probably already figured things out, anyways. Getting the money back, or not, won't really change how you feel about the situation. I've been in in similar situations (when married), and the ex never got it. When it came to toxic people she really thought it was about control, not a desire to protect our relationship from certain situations. Once; she even tried increasing the limit on a CC of mine to bail a 'friend' out of jail on a parole violation, when that didn't work rent money got used without my knowledge.


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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

I'm agreeing overall with the sentiments expressed in the last few hours.

 

I know it's all about the "principle", but at this point, the only thing learned is that she will never pay. I think you are wasting too much energy/effort on this. Yes, in a way, you might feel like, "Well, she'll get away with it." Fine. But I guarantee she'll never do it again to you.

 

If she had ANY intention of paying you this money, she would have done so by now, and her telling you that she was going to California WAS her way of telling you to NOT expect the money. I'd seriously just cut off all communication at this point and leave it be and spend that energy on your life with your family and leave her out of the picture.

 

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Specially because it's a sibling, but she's not going to learn a lesson at this point.

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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

I stand by your choice to pursue.  Go get her!

 

 

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Senior Contributor
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Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead


Repo-ed wrote:

I stand by your choice to pursue.  Go get her!

 

 


If this were about money, I'd agree.


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