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Established Contributor
InvincibleSummer3
Posts: 640
Registered: ‎11-20-2012

Other threads have made me wonder...

We've talked a couple of times about relationships with someone who has poor credit, financial issues, etc. And it's been pointed out that many of us turn things around at some point. What was the turning point for you? And how can you tell when someone is willing to work toward solving their financial issues vs. remaining stuck in them?

 

Is there even a litmus test for this?

Senior Contributor
drkaje
Posts: 3,482
Registered: ‎07-25-2008

Re: Other threads have made me wonder...

For me, it was just time for a change. The direction my life is moving in needed an improvement in credit. DGF helped me get everything better organized but she's always had perfect credit and knew nothing about repair. I spent a lot of time on here (and another site where some misanthrope banned me) learning about repair. The last two or three things came down to persistence, learning, and simply finding the right contact info here.

 

One thing is sure: Help or advice is only going to sound like nagging unless someone is ready.


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Established Contributor
InvincibleSummer3
Posts: 640
Registered: ‎11-20-2012

Re: Other threads have made me wonder...


drkaje wrote:

For me, it was just time for a change. The direction my life is moving in needed an improvement in credit. DGF helped me get everything better organized but she's always had perfect credit and knew nothing about repair. I spent a lot of time on here (and another site where some misanthrope banned me) learning about repair. The last two or three things came down to persistence, learning, and simply finding the right contact info here.

 

One thing is sure: Help or advice is only going to sound like nagging unless someone is ready.


YES. This, times a million.

And I admittedly feel a little pang when people say "I'd never date someone with poor credit", because that's me they're talking about. Not all bad credit situations are the same. I wasn't the greatest at financial management, but things were reasonable. Then, my kid gets cancer and everything is thrown into disarray. If someone can't be understanding about my responsibility to my kids, then the relationship's probably not meant to be anyway.

 

But on the other hand, if someone's clearly living above their means, with no plans to try to make things better? That'd be a red flag for me. I promised myself that I would never be blindsided again. Major medical problems are one thing, "I wanted a new 60" television that I can't afford" is another. So maybe this is a two-part test: why is this potential SO in debt, and what's their attitude on getting out?

Senior Contributor
drkaje
Posts: 3,482
Registered: ‎07-25-2008

Re: Other threads have made me wonder...

I wasn't great at finances but a part of the problem was allowing DExW to be authorized user on a card. When we split, I had to eat the balance and really didn't pay things their proper attention during our divorce.


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Established Member
jroxy5
Posts: 31
Registered: ‎05-06-2008

Re: Other threads have made me wonder...

One word:  "Action"...

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webhopper
Posts: 7,230
Registered: ‎09-16-2011

Re: Other threads have made me wonder...

[ Edited ]

There is a test for this,

Like others have said, its called action...

 

I knew that the credit issues that my husband had were not going to be permanent when he was able to get on the phone and negotiate a settlement for a CO that was on his report after we bought the house in 2012.  Also, we worked together on making financial decisions as far as what to pay and when...   He was also very adamant about waiting to get married until all of the liabilities were settled and gone, because he didn't want to get into a situation where my assets would be at risk of attachment.

 

During my process of buying a house in early 2012 / late 2011... I wasn't really in a position to buy a house, but for unusual reasons we couldn't wait until March 2012 and renting another place was not an option.  We ended up moving out of the house we were renting and into my dad's fifth wheel.  The dogs went to stay at his mom's house.   I borrowed 6k from my dad, and also borrowed money from my 401k. We literally lived completely off of Joeys income and ALL of my income went into the savings account so that we can show a high enough balance in that account to close...  We needed 12k to close and we were about 5k short.  He also paid for inspections, and the appraisal, and we weren't even buying the house together (his name is not on the mortgage or the title).  


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