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Senior Contributor
drkaje
Posts: 3,482
Registered: ‎07-25-2008

Re: Possible Fiance... OK to ask him for a credit report?

I really thought about this a lot and almost passed on posting: If it's a deal-breaker (and you would be 1000% okay with someone making the same value judgment, based upon your credit report) ask.

 

A guy I know won't seriously date anyone with a score below 750. He brings it up really early, though.


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InvincibleSummer3
Posts: 640
Registered: ‎11-20-2012

Re: Possible Fiance... OK to ask him for a credit report?


drkaje wrote:

I really thought about this a lot and almost passed on posting: If it's a deal-breaker (and you would be 1000% okay with someone making the same value judgment, based upon your credit report) ask.

 

A guy I know won't seriously date anyone with a score below 750. He brings it up really early, though.


Wow. I don't think I'd dismiss anyone out of hand like that, but a low credit score would probably give me pause. There are legitimate reasons that people could end up in dire straits financially through no fault of their own. The bigger red flags for me have been overall money management skills (or lack thereof) and ability to work toward long-term goals.

 

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drkaje
Posts: 3,482
Registered: ‎07-25-2008

Re: Possible Fiance... OK to ask him for a credit report?


InvincibleSummer3 wrote:

drkaje wrote:

I really thought about this a lot and almost passed on posting: If it's a deal-breaker (and you would be 1000% okay with someone making the same value judgment, based upon your credit report) ask.

 

A guy I know won't seriously date anyone with a score below 750. He brings it up really early, though.


Wow. I don't think I'd dismiss anyone out of hand like that, but a low credit score would probably give me pause. There are legitimate reasons that people could end up in dire straits financially through no fault of their own. The bigger red flags for me have been overall money management skills (or lack thereof) and ability to work toward long-term goals.

 


He's at the I've got zero time for any drama point in life and wants to have fun.

 


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InvincibleSummer3
Posts: 640
Registered: ‎11-20-2012

Re: Possible Fiance... OK to ask him for a credit report?


drkaje wrote:

InvincibleSummer3 wrote:

drkaje wrote:

I really thought about this a lot and almost passed on posting: If it's a deal-breaker (and you would be 1000% okay with someone making the same value judgment, based upon your credit report) ask.

 

A guy I know won't seriously date anyone with a score below 750. He brings it up really early, though.


Wow. I don't think I'd dismiss anyone out of hand like that, but a low credit score would probably give me pause. There are legitimate reasons that people could end up in dire straits financially through no fault of their own. The bigger red flags for me have been overall money management skills (or lack thereof) and ability to work toward long-term goals.

 


He's at the I've got zero time for any drama point in life and wants to have fun.

 


Me too. That's why I don't care about their credit, 'cause they ain't moving in anyway. :smileywink:

Senior Contributor
drkaje
Posts: 3,482
Registered: ‎07-25-2008

Re: Possible Fiance... OK to ask him for a credit report?


InvincibleSummer3 wrote:

drkaje wrote:

InvincibleSummer3 wrote:

drkaje wrote:

I really thought about this a lot and almost passed on posting: If it's a deal-breaker (and you would be 1000% okay with someone making the same value judgment, based upon your credit report) ask.

 

A guy I know won't seriously date anyone with a score below 750. He brings it up really early, though.


Wow. I don't think I'd dismiss anyone out of hand like that, but a low credit score would probably give me pause. There are legitimate reasons that people could end up in dire straits financially through no fault of their own. The bigger red flags for me have been overall money management skills (or lack thereof) and ability to work toward long-term goals.

 


He's at the I've got zero time for any drama point in life and wants to have fun.

 


Me too. That's why I don't care about their credit, 'cause they ain't moving in anyway. :smileywink:


What if you want to take a vacation and their card is maxed out?

 

What if their car gets re-poed?

 

What it (in a fit of insanity/intoxication) you do decide to move in and they've got issues from the Ex or cosigned on a mortgage that went bad?

 

What if they're a shopaholic or appaholic?! :smileyhappy:

 


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InvincibleSummer3
Posts: 640
Registered: ‎11-20-2012

Re: Possible Fiance... OK to ask him for a credit report?


drkaje wrote:


What if you want to take a vacation and their card is maxed out? Workaholic, single parent, and I'm happy to travel solo. I'll send a postcard when my flight lands.

 

What if their car gets re-poed? Bummer. I might be able to help him get a bus pass, but other than that he's on his own. Even if he looks like Gerard Butler and has a Scottish accent.

 

What it (in a fit of insanity/intoxication) you do decide to move in and they've got issues from the Ex or cosigned on a mortgage that went bad? Even stone-blind, paralytic drunk, it's not possible. I like my space & autonomy. I'm really sorry for his troubles, and I will make him lasagna and commiserate, but no moving in. Take your U-Haul elsewhere, sir.

 

What if they're a shopaholic or appaholic?! :smileyhappy: My mom always said, Rule #1 is to take care of yourself, and Rule #2 is not to forget Rule #1.

 


See, maybe your friend has the right idea.....don't get serious, and there's no risk. I'm not judging anyone as a person. I had bad credit too. But if someone's not willing to dig themselves out? That's a sign.

Senior Contributor
drkaje
Posts: 3,482
Registered: ‎07-25-2008

Re: Possible Fiance... OK to ask him for a credit report?


InvincibleSummer3 wrote:

drkaje wrote:


What if you want to take a vacation and their card is maxed out? Workaholic, single parent, and I'm happy to travel solo. I'll send a postcard when my flight lands.

 

What if their car gets re-poed? Bummer. I might be able to help him get a bus pass, but other than that he's on his own. Even if he looks like Gerard Butler and has a Scottish accent.

 

What it (in a fit of insanity/intoxication) you do decide to move in and they've got issues from the Ex or cosigned on a mortgage that went bad? Even stone-blind, paralytic drunk, it's not possible. I like my space & autonomy. I'm really sorry for his troubles, and I will make him lasagna and commiserate, but no moving in. Take your U-Haul elsewhere, sir.

 

What if they're a shopaholic or appaholic?! :smileyhappy: My mom always said, Rule #1 is to take care of yourself, and Rule #2 is not to forget Rule #1.

 


See, maybe your friend has the right idea.....don't get serious, and there's no risk. I'm not judging anyone as a person. I had bad credit too. But if someone's not willing to dig themselves out? That's a sign.


Famous last words. :smileyhappy:

 


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namvet
Posts: 866
Registered: ‎09-22-2011

Re: Possible Fiance... OK to ask him for a credit report?

I see no problem in asking him about this subject.  Several years back i would have had a problem with it.  Just allow him to explain any issues in a LOE (letter of explanation).

Established Contributor
InvincibleSummer3
Posts: 640
Registered: ‎11-20-2012

Re: Possible Fiance... OK to ask him for a credit report?


drkaje wrote:


Famous last words. :smileyhappy:


 

Lol!  Kaje, if I'm wrong, and I wind up with someone who doesn't see eye-to-eye with me on the importance of decent financial management - I'll treat you & your DGF to dinner.

 

But I'm telling you, on that day Satan will be wearing ice skates to work.

Member
bedazzledlv
Posts: 8
Registered: ‎03-13-2013

Re: Possible Fiance... OK to ask him for a credit report?

You all have such valid points.  I would not break up with him if he is honest and can admit to mistakes.  What is worrying me is that I have broached the subject a couple times.  When we first discussed taking our relationship to the official Dating Couple level,  I let him know that financial stability is very important to me, and a goal I have is to buy a house in the next cou[ple years... and If we were to get serious and consider marriage like he had initially told me, he has to fully disclose any and all financial info.  Well its been a year and around christmas he took me ring window shopping.  

I have broached the subject of credit, and how its important to know where he stands... and that we can happily live together, but if he wants to marry me I need to see his credit.  Good or bad, I want to know... if bad as he has eluded to...I told him we can work together to improve it.

Credit is not an end all be all... but he has to show responsability that if its bad, he is working on it.  Not just letting it be like he currently is.  Its making me a bit aggitated that I have broached the subject 4x since the beginning of the year when we discussed marriage seriously.  So far, not once has he pulled his credit though i have physically pulled up the webpage for the free reports.  If this continues, I guess I cant trust him... maybe we can be lovers but I will not legally tie myself to him.  But in reality it will be disapointing so maybe I will have to move on... I know i am much more financially responsable... I am very active in learning about wealth building and management.  If he doesn't even want to be semi responsable... that is a character flaw that I will have a hard time ever trusting with my own good record.  I have pretty much almost got to where I want credit wise to get approved for whatever house I want at a great rate.  My mom will cosign if I need... but It would be sad that the man I love could not be trusted with our financial future.  

Who wants to end up in old age, to find out their spouce saved nothing for retirement... could not bother to get health and life insurance... and then all your hard work for decades ruined by them because legally in the state of Nevada, being a common law state... I would have to pay for his lack of planning.   No thanks...  I can stay unmarried and have a happy relationship with him... I can take care of myself... but I'm not willing to risk my future stability, on someone who cant bother to take care of paying bills on time... not running up credit card bills... or even check once a year to make sure their identity was stolen.... Just my personal choice....



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