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Senior Contributor
Posts: 4,191
Registered: ‎03-24-2008
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Re: Should I help her?

I can't get over the fact that she quit her job. Who did she think was going to pay her bills?

You just dont quit a job, unless you already have a job to go to.

 

I have one question, If you were not in the picture, Do you think she would've quit her job?

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Registered: ‎08-09-2008
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Re: Should I help her?


LIGHTNIN wrote:

I can't get over the fact that she quit her job. Who did she think was going to pay her bills?

You just dont quit a job, unless you already have a job to go to.

 

I have one question, If you were not in the picture, Do you think she would've quit her job?


+1 My thoughts exactly.

 

I'm wondering if the GF in question is, perhaps, thinking from a marriage POV. What I mean by that is that the OP & GF are now effectively living together, and frankly... some people are not mature enough to handle that, maintaining her complete independence. Her moving in may have caused her to feel a sense of "community resources" that she is simply not entitled to, and should not be indulging in (she's taking resources from the OPs children, even if it isn't yet putting a breaking strain on his finances). If OP and GF were married, the entire family would adjust to her presence in the household, physically, emotionally, and financially. And, perhaps, that's where she's coming from. Only, she isn't his wife, or a stepmother.

 

Definitely have that talk sooner, than later. Her quitting her job, and at her own hands becoming under-employed doesn't bode well. She wouldn't have done it she felt she couldn't rely on you to take up her slack.

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Posts: 1,486
Registered: ‎08-14-2011
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Re: Should I help her?

I forgot all about this thread until now.

 

Have you reached a verdict?

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Posts: 55
Registered: ‎01-26-2011
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Re: Should I help her?

[ Edited ]

We did come to a point where I challenged the relationship with her directly and made it clear where I stood.  I do want to mention that when she quit the job we were only "friends" not exactly dating if you get my "hint".  The relationship progressed into a serious relationship afterwards.  At which time I did not have a grasp as to her financial situation because if I had I would probably not have let myself get that involved.  Never the less she is a great girl and does work hard and somehow has managed to make due on the reduced income. 

 

As far as what has happened... after challenging the relationship she woke up and realized that if she could not pay for the house and still didn't want to loose it which would ruin her credit and in her words, "would be wrong because I (she) gave my (her) word to make those payments"... she decided renting the home was the best option until she had a better chance of selling it maybe in a couple years.  We are still together and her house was rented for an amount suffifient to cover the payment.  The result is that we now have much more available income together and she feels a great sense of relief.  While we still worry about how well the renters will take care of the home we have a hefty deposit and do like the people who are there now.

 

Thanks everyone :smileyhappy:

 

 


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Posts: 4,470
Registered: ‎12-31-2008
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Re: Should I help her?

Thanks for the update - it sounds like y'all had a great conversation that strengthened your relationship and your ability to deal with challenges.

 

That's good stuff!  Congrats!

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Established Member
Posts: 30
Registered: ‎09-03-2011
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Re: Should I help her?

Hi! I sure feel for you - you are in a tough position! But, as a mom who raised a child on her own I feel your first obligation is to your children. Do not change their world to help hers. It might hurt now to let her fail, but it will hurt worse to fail your children!

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Posts: 799
Registered: ‎09-27-2011
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Re: Should I help her?


RRinTN wrote:

We did come to a point where I challenged the relationship with her directly and made it clear where I stood.  I do want to mention that when she quit the job we were only "friends" not exactly dating if you get my "hint".  The relationship progressed into a serious relationship afterwards.  At which time I did not have a grasp as to her financial situation because if I had I would probably not have let myself get that involved.  Never the less she is a great girl and does work hard and somehow has managed to make due on the reduced income. 

 

As far as what has happened... after challenging the relationship she woke up and realized that if she could not pay for the house and still didn't want to loose it which would ruin her credit and in her words, "would be wrong because I (she) gave my (her) word to make those payments"... she decided renting the home was the best option until she had a better chance of selling it maybe in a couple years.  We are still together and her house was rented for an amount suffifient to cover the payment.  The result is that we now have much more available income together and she feels a great sense of relief.  While we still worry about how well the renters will take care of the home we have a hefty deposit and do like the people who are there now.

 

Thanks everyone :smileyhappy:

 

 


Good man! I think you handled this perfectly...and look what happened...you empowered the girl to save herself...best of all worlds.

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