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Valued Contributor
pizza1
Posts: 1,843
Registered: ‎07-17-2013
0

So depressed about my situation...

First, I had a BK7 a year ago, and have been rebuilding my life at age 44, that's depressing enough. To top it off, I'm single with no dating prospects, and the man that I've been in love with for 2 yrs now, who likes me, doesn't like me, likes me, doesn't like.... Calls me, disappears for awhile, calls me, disappears again, and as we were talking the other day he informs me that he would never be with anyone who didn't have high scores in the 800's like him, and that could cripple him financially. Needless to say, I'm crushed. Being in our 40's I would have thought that he could understand that life happens sometimes, and though I don't have 800 now, I will in 9-10 yrs. besides, that's not what's truly important in life! What about having a partner that loves you and would with you regardless if anything happened, even forbid a stroke or something. 

 

I'm so over it... I've been chasing this man that I love trying to prove myself and he knows it, and just continuously breaks my heart. I'm an attractive woman, no kids, educated, and a stable career in the medical field... Loving, kind, funny, caring, smart, and huge heart. I guess men want the tiny 20 something yr olds who treat them like crap and have great body. I think I'm doomed to spend every Saturday night here at the forums:smileysad: 

(BK7 d/c:08/19/13~FICO-400's)---> EQ 664,EX 650,TU 657
3 major cc/ 8 retail cc= $43,300 avail credit; plus a $15k LOC
Total revolving credit reporting is 1%
Valued Contributor
Gunnar419
Posts: 1,281
Registered: ‎01-23-2013
0

Re: So depressed about my situation...

[ Edited ]

pizza, I'm sorry you're going through that. It hurts, I know, but you're far from doomed.

 

That guy, though, he might be the doomed one. Appearing, disappearing, calling, not calling, then coming up with this lame and ignorant excuse. That's adolescent stuff. That's not an adult who wants to have a grownup relationship. That's a cheesy way of avoiding commitment while still keeping you on the line for the sake of his ego and his convenience.

 

While I understand someone being concerned about a partner's credit, the genuine concern isn't about having matching 800s! It's only about whether or not you're working on your baddies and being financially responsible in the present and likely to be for the future. I'm sorry to say this guy's playing with your feelings, so it's no wonder you're feeling so bad. Don't hang on hoping he'll come around. He's not worth it. Dump the dude and go about living your own life. Maybe focus on good things to do and good people to be with rather than focusing on looking for the big relationship.

 

Anyhow even if you're doomed to spend your Saturday nights on MyFico, you're in some pretty good company!

Valued Contributor
pizza1
Posts: 1,843
Registered: ‎07-17-2013
0

Re: So depressed about my situation...

Thank you Gunnar!:smileyhappy: I feel better already.... And honestly, I owe my entire rebuild to this forum and the vast knowledge of the members who have helped to this point!! I've brought my scores up over 200 points in less than a yr. I'm working very hard at my credit and becoming financially stable. I think deep down I know that this man is just coming around when he doesn't have anything else going on in his personal life, or when he breaks up with another woman and needs a "friend". I have no hopes to be with him, and I'm just focusing on myself and my life right now. Pray that I meet a great guy someday to spend my life with:smileyhappy:
(BK7 d/c:08/19/13~FICO-400's)---> EQ 664,EX 650,TU 657
3 major cc/ 8 retail cc= $43,300 avail credit; plus a $15k LOC
Total revolving credit reporting is 1%
Moderator
Revelate
Posts: 9,765
Registered: ‎12-30-2011
0

Re: So depressed about my situation...

[ Edited ]

As Gunnar suggests, move on, you aren't the one with the issue, you're not the one being immature here.

 

Rebuilding one's life and being single can't be that uncommon, as I'm doing it at 39 and this forum is a pretty small place, statistically there are lots of other people doing the same.  There's lots of societal pressures (oh you're single, what is wrong with you?!?!?) to be in a relationship, problem I find is meeting said folks but I haven't really been trying all that hard to do so.

 

Whole thing is stupid anyway, a score is just a number much like age: while I fully agree there's patterns which result in a score, and that can say something about a person, I'm more than capable of spotting a change on a credit report a mile away, and there's a lot to be said for someone who's been through the muck and come out clean the other side (or is working to get clean) than someone who's lead a charmed life... and there's an excellent chance that someone who's been there, is going to now have the same attitudes and opinions regarding finances that I do, and that's a huge plus, may even be a "got to have" on my relationship scorecard seeing how many couples apparently have unnecessary stress in their lives over that.

 

My thoughts anyway.

Starting Score: EQ 561, TU 567, EX 599* (12/30/11, EX lender pull 12/29/11)
Current Score: EQ 04 673, EQ 8 707, TU 720, EX 702* (09/02/14, EX older)
Goal Score: 700 on EQ '04 (01/01/15)


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Valued Contributor
pizza1
Posts: 1,843
Registered: ‎07-17-2013
0

Re: So depressed about my situation...

Thank you Revalate:smileyhappy:.

I've learned a lot of lessons this past yr with finances and credit, and will not ever make the same mistake again. I'm paying for it now, and will for the next 8-9 yrs before I can get back in with citi, chase, or Amex. I hope he does find his perfect 800+ match and they live happily ever after in FICO land:smileyhappy:
(BK7 d/c:08/19/13~FICO-400's)---> EQ 664,EX 650,TU 657
3 major cc/ 8 retail cc= $43,300 avail credit; plus a $15k LOC
Total revolving credit reporting is 1%
Regular Contributor
capitalkid
Posts: 164
Registered: ‎11-02-2012
0

Re: So depressed about my situation...

You are fine, just move on. Life happens, nothing is perfect.  it is easy to loose confidence in yourself when others are less than kind.  nevermind that, this forum has lots of aware folks willing the lend a kind word.  

 

Do something nice for yourself, and you will feel better!

 

JCP Platinum 6.5K. I Barclaycard UPromise MC 5K. I Discover IT 6.5K. I Sears MC 4.6K. I USAA Amex 11K. I USAA PLatinum MC 11K. I Chase Sapphire Preferred 10K I Lowes 8.5K. I Paypal MC 6K. I Dell Preferred 2.5K. I Citi HHonors Reserve 3.2K. I CarCareOne 2.4K. I Best Buy 6.5K. I Care Credit 10K. I Capital One (Credit Steps) Platinum 2.7K. I Roamans $1300 I Chevron Visa 1500.

BK 7 July 2005.
Frequent Contributor
lonelyisland
Posts: 440
Registered: ‎10-30-2013
0

Re: So depressed about my situation...

If he knows you are working on your credit, or knows your credit score, its just another way of staying distant from you.  He sounds like a nasty piece of work BTW. Let it go as fast as you can. Easier said than done, but your life will be better for it in the long run. 

 

Not every, actually, not very many men in their 40s want 20 year olds, or at least they dont want them for very long once theyve tried it :smileyvery-happy: Just dont worry about him, or any other man. Spend time doing what you like to do, invest in yourself.  The relationship will come. They always do when you stop looking. 

 

 

Start: MyFICO EQ 579 (Oct 2013)
Now: MyFICO EX 717 | EQ 697 | TU 727 | (DEC 2014)

AMEX Everyday $23.5K | Chase Marriott Premier $12K | Sportsman Guide Visa $10K | Discover IT $9K | Loft MC $7900 | J Crew $7150 | Chase Freedom $5.5K | Talbots $5100 | Barclays Sallie Mae $5K | Nordstroms $5K | Amazon $3700 | Banana Republic $3500 | Macys $2500 | Cap One QS1 $1800 | Cap One QS1 $1750 |
Valued Contributor
Gunnar419
Posts: 1,281
Registered: ‎01-23-2013
0

Re: So depressed about my situation...


pizza1 wrote:
Thank you Gunnar!:smileyhappy: I feel better already.... And honestly, I owe my entire rebuild to this forum and the vast knowledge of the members who have helped to this point!! I've brought my scores up over 200 points in less than a yr. I'm working very hard at my credit and becoming financially stable. I think deep down I know that this man is just coming around when he doesn't have anything else going on in his personal life, or when he breaks up with another woman and needs a "friend". I have no hopes to be with him, and I'm just focusing on myself and my life right now. Pray that I meet a great guy someday to spend my life with:smileyhappy:

You're welcome, pizza. I've been in similar places myself, feeling depressed, hopeless, and abandoned by somebody I had high (though stupid) hopes for. I think you're AWESOME for being able to raise your score more than 200 points in less than a year. That counts for a more than that loserguy's boring 800!

Valued Contributor
notfancy
Posts: 3,679
Registered: ‎11-23-2013
0

Re: So depressed about my situation...


pizza1 wrote:

First, I had a BK7 a year ago, and have been rebuilding my life at age 44, that's depressing enough. To top it off, I'm single with no dating prospects, and the man that I've been in love with for 2 yrs now, who likes me, doesn't like me, likes me, doesn't like.... Calls me, disappears for awhile, calls me, disappears again, and as we were talking the other day he informs me that he would never be with anyone who didn't have high scores in the 800's like him, and that could cripple him financially. Needless to say, I'm crushed. Being in our 40's I would have thought that he could understand that life happens sometimes, and though I don't have 800 now, I will in 9-10 yrs. besides, that's not what's truly important in life! What about having a partner that loves you and would with you regardless if anything happened, even forbid a stroke or something. 

 

I'm so over it... I've been chasing this man that I love trying to prove myself and he knows it, and just continuously breaks my heart. I'm an attractive woman, no kids, educated, and a stable career in the medical field... Loving, kind, funny, caring, smart, and huge heart. I guess men want the tiny 20 something yr olds who treat them like crap and have great body. I think I'm doomed to spend every Saturday night here at the forums:smileysad: 


What an .. well you know what. Sounds like a "re-builder" boyfriend. Like a sharky-card.. you take lumps from, learn what you want, and don't want in a ... card... and then once your scores and situation improves, you realize you can do so much better.

 

Sounds like while your FICOs aren't completely there yet, you are ready to get rid of the "secured" sure thing that is sort of there, but with drawbacks, and move on to "Prime land" !

625 EQ FICO Current Score: 660 DCU EQ FICO/ 645 Scorewatch EQ FICO , EX FICO 664, TU FICO 737 (08/2014)
Goal Score: 700   Seedling again as of 07/29/14
Frequent Contributor
lonelyisland
Posts: 440
Registered: ‎10-30-2013
0

Re: So depressed about my situation...

O_o you were dating a CreditOneCard!! Time to upgrade!! ;-)
Start: MyFICO EQ 579 (Oct 2013)
Now: MyFICO EX 717 | EQ 697 | TU 727 | (DEC 2014)

AMEX Everyday $23.5K | Chase Marriott Premier $12K | Sportsman Guide Visa $10K | Discover IT $9K | Loft MC $7900 | J Crew $7150 | Chase Freedom $5.5K | Talbots $5100 | Barclays Sallie Mae $5K | Nordstroms $5K | Amazon $3700 | Banana Republic $3500 | Macys $2500 | Cap One QS1 $1800 | Cap One QS1 $1750 |

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