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Senior Contributor
Posts: 6,728
Registered: ‎04-11-2016
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Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

My ex continues to spend money unnecessarily, even post break up when she herself is now struggling financially for the first time in 6 years.  Naturally, she's had no choice but to stem some of the spending since she is now responsible for her own bills, but literally every penny extra goes toward extra spending.  None if it goes toward her 5-figure credit card debt.  Obviously it's her life now and those choices certainly impact her far more now than they did when we were a couple.  It does haunt me though because she still presses me for more child support above what was agreed on, not because it's deserved or due to any reason other than "she's struggling to pay her bills."  But, she's struggling because she continues to spend... and because she's racked up CC debt.  Neither of those things constitute a reason as to why someone should receive more child support.  What bothers me more though, of course, is that I have to worry about my son through this.  I have no way of knowing if she's providing adequately for him.  If she can make a choice to spend $100 on him or $100 on herself, I feel like she'd choose herself 9 times out of 10.  And, that's pretty sad.  It makes me sad for our son.  He's still very young and can't understand any of this, but 5+ years from now, then what?  It makes me sick to think about it.

Established Contributor
Posts: 718
Registered: ‎09-28-2016

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.


sarge12 wrote:

BBS.....My marriage, which led to chapter 7 bankruptcy, taught me a lesson. We had tried several methods of splitting the bills, and I finally thought we had found a method that worked, which had her paying the mortgage of 650 dollars out of her 1100 dollar a month check, and me paying everything else including groceries. What I did not know was she had gotten 3 house payments behind...and hid that fact. After that, I did in fact find a solution, and the money did not cause our breakup. My solution was to put the absolute neccessities in my pay catagory...mortgage, power bill, water bill, groceries, etc. If it was not an absolute necessity...her car payment, phone,cable bill, entertainment, gas in her car, etc., it was her responsibility. If they cut off the cable tv I would have laughed. If they cut off the phone...well people have lived without one. The heat, lights, water, and house, along with the groceries were the things I payed out of my seperate checking account...we also from then on had seperate checking accounts. I did however know that the fact that she was so unconcerned about being 3 house payments behind...she repeatedly lied about it...meant she was probably not planning on staying, which I later found to be true. She actually had a boyfriend of which I was unaware. If I could suggest, in future relationships, you concentrate on providing the needs, and let her provide the wants. Just my 2 cents. For me, I discovered that serious relationships were in themselves, not a need for me, so I stayed happily single.


Excellent approach finding a way to protect yourself.  I'll have to add it to my bag of tricks!

gardening since: 12/02/2016.... last updated: 08/31/2017....rebuild Fico 8 starting scores: (02/20/2016) EQ: 648 TU: 642 EX: 657
Curr. Score (Mortgage): EQ 05: 727, TU 04: 754, EX 02: 789
Goal Score (Mortgage): EQ 05: 760, TU 04: 760, EX 02: 789
Curr. Score (Fico 8): EQ: 760, TU: 770, EX: 809
Goal Score (Fico 8): EQ: 800, TU: 800, EX: 809 .......Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge
New Contributor
Posts: 99
Registered: ‎09-12-2017
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Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

[ Edited ]

Before a relationship goes too far each person should have all 3 of the credit reports to compare not just go by someones word. Smiley Happy with what I read on here and see on TV Court shows I shake my head this all happens to frequent still single and building my credit serious stuff will have to come later if I choose we all may need to get tougher.

As of 9/22/17 EX 725, TU 752, EQ 745
CL $103,350 Util 0.875%, 15 INQ's I will garden until 2019 Score Goal 800+.
Established Contributor
Posts: 718
Registered: ‎09-28-2016
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Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.


BrutalBodyShots wrote:

My ex continues to spend money unnecessarily, even post break up when she herself is now struggling financially for the first time in 6 years.  Naturally, she's had no choice but to stem some of the spending since she is now responsible for her own bills, but literally every penny extra goes toward extra spending.  None if it goes toward her 5-figure credit card debt.  Obviously it's her life now and those choices certainly impact her far more now than they did when we were a couple.  It does haunt me though because she still presses me for more child support above what was agreed on, not because it's deserved or due to any reason other than "she's struggling to pay her bills."  But, she's struggling because she continues to spend... and because she's racked up CC debt.  Neither of those things constitute a reason as to why someone should receive more child support.  What bothers me more though, of course, is that I have to worry about my son through this.  I have no way of knowing if she's providing adequately for him.  If she can make a choice to spend $100 on him or $100 on herself, I feel like she'd choose herself 9 times out of 10.  And, that's pretty sad.  It makes me sad for our son.  He's still very young and can't understand any of this, but 5+ years from now, then what?  It makes me sick to think about it.


6 years of uncontrolled spending is hard to stop.  I guess that means the wonderful bf that was worth throwing away her relationship with you isn't bailing her out.  Your concern in how she may/may not be taking care of your son is completely understandable.  Have you been able to work out custody and child support payment with the court system yet?

gardening since: 12/02/2016.... last updated: 08/31/2017....rebuild Fico 8 starting scores: (02/20/2016) EQ: 648 TU: 642 EX: 657
Curr. Score (Mortgage): EQ 05: 727, TU 04: 754, EX 02: 789
Goal Score (Mortgage): EQ 05: 760, TU 04: 760, EX 02: 789
Curr. Score (Fico 8): EQ: 760, TU: 770, EX: 809
Goal Score (Fico 8): EQ: 800, TU: 800, EX: 809 .......Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge
Senior Contributor
Posts: 6,728
Registered: ‎04-11-2016
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Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.


LOTR wrote:


6 years of uncontrolled spending is hard to stop.  I guess that means the wonderful bf that was worth throwing away her relationship with you isn't bailing her out.  Your concern in how she may/may not be taking care of your son is completely understandable.  Have you been able to work out custody and child support payment with the court system yet?


Yeah and I find that a bit curious.  I know her new interest has an income far in excess to mine, but seemingly she isn't seeing anything from him financially.  I find that odd.  We have worked out custody between us without involving the court system.  Everything is in writing.  We split the time with our son exactly 50/50; one week she has him 3 days and me 4, the next week her 4 and me 3.  The child support amount is based on the state percentage of my salary that she's entitled to since she makes less than me.  That number is what it is and I've been providing it to her monthly since this ordeal started.  Just because she "can't pay her bills" doesn't mean I should pay her more... and I WON'T pay her more.  I've told her many times that we can take it to the courts if she would like.  I have no problem doing that, as I know the judge won't (can't, really) order me to pay anything more than I'm currently paying.  Since we split up, my ex has taken on 4 new jobs and her income has increased significantly.  Once it gets to the point where I believe that her income is at/about my income level, which I do believe will happen within the next few years, I'm going to call her out on that.  If she admits that her income is equal to mine, child support ends immediately... as with 50/50 custody there would be no reason for me to be paying it.  If she is unwilling to disclose her income or I get the feeling that she's not being honest with me regarding it, we CAN take it to court where our incomes will be disclosed and the judge can handle it from there.

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