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THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Frequent Contributor

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Op first of all sorry that you are going through difficult time in your relationship.I can offer my insights based on what my life continues to teach me.

Whenever there is a repetitive pattern in relationship that we attract often the answers lies with in our beliefs about reality.

 

When we change what we believe we begin to attract different kind of relationships or situations that reflect to us our new understanding. 

 

You have to ask yourself what is your definition of fulfillment? What makes you feel secure?

 

 

I have learnt from my life situations that money comes and goes. Knowing and realizing the inner trust that all is well and will be well is the most important for feeling abundant,  fulfilled and secure.

 

It comes from a sense of knowing i will be ok, my needs will be met because i deserve not because of what work i do , because i exist as a being,part of creation.

 

What works for me is the trust that i deserve a loving bond with my partner who respects me and is truthful ,has integrity, with whom i can be myself and not have to pretend and the rest like money , job, changing situations align themselves to that energy of knowing.

If any one is interested research teachers like Byron Katie and  Darryl anka on youtube. Bashar via Darryl says ' abundance is - the ability to do what you need to do when you need to do it'. Its not nessecarily just money. Although its a form of abundance.

 

Whats the point of having millions in bank account if there is no inner fulfillment of trust and knowing that all is well, you will be provided for with or without the appearance of money.

 

But then again we all have our challenges and inner issuos that life brings us to deal with. What i have learnt is if there is a belief in lack then no amount of money can make you feel abundant.

 

Op if i were in your situation i would ask this to myself. Was her not contributing creating real lack in your life like screwing your credit, increasing your debts , inability to pay for your needs etc etc or is it a matter of principle that you believe that a partner should contribute a certain portion? If its the principle then there lies the answer , if a partner contributed as you expected even though all your needs were met with or without that contribution then how did that make you feel? As opposed non contribution made you feel.? Did non contribution create an actual lack or  just triggered a belief in lack.?

 

Knowing your own beliefs can help you see what is really going on in your reality. Byron Katie has a practical tool to question our beliefs which make a situation look a certian way  but there may be other ways of understanding the same situation. She calls it 'The work'. And you can download the work sheet online and write your beliefs and use her tools to question if its really true. People have been amazed at what they discovered about themselves. Its freeing experience.

 

 In relationships expectations of how one should be creates rift between couple as opposed to allowing oneself to be and appreciating who they are and noticing their contributions which may or may not 'appear' as you expected the contributions to look like .  But you could be missing out on the other ways contributions could be coming.

 

You are totally right to be authentic to yourself if you feel your partner is not in alignment with what you want or how you want to experience your life and make changes or move on but also be open to the idea that some times we humans cannot see all perspectives in a situation.

Again everyone including yourself wants to be accepted as you are. And to be loved for who you are.

May be you should look for a partner who is career driven as you are and have similar beliefs and priorities as you are. Ultimately the answer lies within you. 

Often i have noticed that our troubles start with projecting a dire future as opposed to looking at the abundance that is already there present in our lives.

 

Having said all this i am in no way supporting enabling any one abusing your contributions . In such situations you should end such relationships.  The point is to develop an ability sense the real abuse vs projection of lack based on our own beliefs and fear. 

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Message 101 of 102
Senior Contributor

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.


DeepKc wrote:
Was her not contributing creating real lack in your life like screwing your credit, increasing your debts , inability to pay for your needs etc etc or is it a matter of principle that you believe that a partner should contribute a certain portion?

 


Both to be honest.  Screwing my credit, yes, as I co-signed for her on an account that she did not keep up with and late payments landed on my report.  I had to use the majority of my tax return one year (about $3500) to pay toward this account because it was killing me and she wasn't meeting her financial obligations with respect to it.  Increasing my debts?  No question.  Since she was unwilling to contribute toward any of our combined bills, I had to take them all on.  Since she was unable (which turned out to be unwilling, not unable) to pay several of her own bills, I took them on as if they were my own.  For years.  5+ years.  Inability to pay for my needs?  I'd say so.  There were plenty of times I had to stress out about whether or not I could make the mortgage payment, fill the oil tank to heat the house, etc. simply because my expenses were so great due to supporting her and her lifestyle. 

 

But then, a matter of principle?  Absolutely.  Especially because I disclosed extremely early on with her... Month 1, Date 1, Hour 1 that my last several relationships failed due to my significant other(s) being unable/unwilling to contribute at all financially in the relationship.  Had she given me even the slightest idea that she would also fall into that category, I would have cut ties with her immediately.  See you in a blizzard. Hope you're wearing white.  She painted a great picture for me though, that she always contributed in the past, she hates women that don't contribute, etc.  I actually grew up with one of her exes with which she spent many years with and knew that she DID in fact contribute just fine when she was with him.  I guess her principles on that subject changed over time.  Who knows.  Anyway, her lack of contributing bothered me for both of the reasons that you mentioned above and I believe understandably so.   

Message 102 of 102