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Frequent Contributor
Posts: 425
Registered: ‎10-05-2012
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Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

i married a spender, 30 years of revolving credit card debt. We ended up getting divorced but are back living together. But now finances are split and she has better job and is slowly trying to get out of debt.

 

Getting divorced and separating finances was best thing i ever did. Saved me from eventual BK. Now we get into money fight ? "There's the F$#ing door."i tell her.

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Registered: ‎04-05-2017
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Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

[ Edited ]

I'm actually glad I found this forum I was looking for credit information but then seen the headline regarding money and relationships. I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I originally moved into this place myself and he immediately started staying over...basically moved in but wouldnt admit it right away and then for the first few months said he didn't want to dip out on his roomate so was still paying rent at his place. After about 5 months I finally started demanding some kind of money as I am a single mom with two kids, but right off the bat we disagreed on how much to pay. He thought since I had kids he should not pay as much, he only wanted to pay as a room rental at $100 a week, even though I paid for all household item, all food and all hygiene products not to what he offered was barely half the rent. That only went on a few months and then he got laid off his job. I supported him for a few months and then we began working together making the same amount of money, we both contributed our entire checks to the bills because we took a huge paycut to work together, which is another nightmare in itself. That quickly ended.

 

I get a sizely income tax return so at that time we left the company we were working together. My plan was to manage/budget my income tax as I have always dont in the past to pay the next few months bills while I attended class and start my real estate career. During the 3-4 months he did nothing....but I didn't push, I figured he was an adult he knows what he needs to do and I figured when he did started working he would help me, starting out in real estate there is no guarentee income and could be upwards 6-9 months before you even make your first sale. After 4 months he finally got a new job and has been there since making really good money.

 

After only two month of helping me pay the bills he pushed me to put real estate on hold and get a steady weekly paying job, which I did and agreed to do until the next income tax season when, again I wanted to pursue real estate. Non of my goals have anything to do with his income, I would be doing this with or without him. I again paid half the bills along with food and anything else needed. My job ended at the holidays as it was a temp job and he told me that he didnt mind taking over for awhile, that lasted til January where he again started complaining about bills. Mind you during this entire time I am also a widow and recieve survivor benefits so he was never really paying everything all by himself. In feb. I again did my taxes and started paying half the bills.

 

Im now questioning my future with him. He makes 3 times as much as I can even if I were working a steady full time job yet he feels everything should be split 50/50. My kids are 16 and 19, my 19 yr old just startd working and pays rent. My kids basically pay for whatever they need. And when I say split the bills 50/50, I mean fixed bills, not groceries or other household items. When I ask he to give me money for his share he says he will buy his own stuff but never does. I don't understand why he insist on living like rooomates but is ok with me being his girlfriend when its covenient. We rarely go out because he complains he don't have the money so I budget my money and then ask him if he wants to go out. He won't let me pay unless he really doesn't have it (he is horrible at managing money and is always broke) but its the fact that I have to save up my money and make the plans for him to even consider going anywhere.  He makes excuses that he isn't use to being responsible for a household, he is 35 with no kids and has always rented a room. I explained that I don't feel comfortable moving into another place with him (our lease is up in 3 months) and putting his name with me on a lease if this is his attitude.

 

I asked all my friends that live with their significant other how they split the bills....most answered by percentage or assigning certain bills to each other. He says he doesn't feel he should be punished for making more money than me so even if i bring home a 1/3 of what he makes I should still be responsible for half.....oh and we are moving into a bigger house because he wants a yard and garage!!! that means larger rent. So im just curious, how do most of you expect to split the bills with your significant other?

 

I really don't think his issue is money, aside from the fact that he can't stick to a budget nor wants to and is very selfish. I have been in two other long term relationships prior to this and money was never an arguement, we both always worked and we both pitched in and payed what needed to be paid. If one didn't have it the other would help out and vise versa, we were partners. And if we wanted to go somewhere we would plan and save accordingly. It's a shame that he is gonna lose this relationship becuase he isn't willing to compromise. Everytime I try to talk "money" he gets defensive or flips it around and says that I'm just jealous that he makes more money then me. I have even kicked him out a few times and paid all the bills my self just to prove to him this has nothing to do with me wanting his money. Its about not being in a relationship if the other person isn't willing to create a better life togehter or being there for each other when times are tough. He says he wants the same things in life, I don't doubt it but maybe we just have different ideas how to get there....

Valued Contributor
Posts: 2,999
Registered: ‎08-13-2009

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Many people have shared how financial/personal relationships that have some of these pieces don't work out and the financially responsible person is happier OUT of the relationship than in the relationship.   

 

It doesn't help if you are unhappy with the way things are financially.  Are you happy with every other aspect of the relationship?

 

It won't be easy for you, but you should sit down and have a heart to heart with yourself.  Does it really bother you that he only wants to pay 1/2 the fixed bills (like rent)?  Do you really want to move into a larger house with larger bills???  Once the kids move out, will you want to live in a big house with the boyfriend?  Can you afford to pay for the larger place all by yourself and still be financially comfortable?  Do you want to continue on the financial roller coaster?

 

In my opinion, moving to a larger, more expensive place is not going to fix what is already broken in the relationship.  The guy already knows you will pick up any and ALL financial slack there is.

Established Contributor
Posts: 645
Registered: ‎11-30-2013
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Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.


wa3more wrote:

i married a spender, 30 years of revolving credit card debt. We ended up getting divorced but are back living together. But now finances are split and she has better job and is slowly trying to get out of debt.

 

Getting divorced and separating finances was best thing i ever did. Saved me from eventual BK. Now we get into money fight ? "There's the F$#ing door."i tell her.


What happens if you want to have some adult company over with your ex-spouse living there?

BK Discharged 9/11

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Established Contributor
Posts: 645
Registered: ‎11-30-2013
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Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.


Shelores wrote:

I'm actually glad I found this forum I was looking for credit information but then seen the headline regarding money and relationships. I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I originally moved into this place myself and he immediately started staying over...basically moved in but wouldnt admit it right away and then for the first few months said he didn't want to dip out on his roomate so was still paying rent at his place. After about 5 months I finally started demanding some kind of money as I am a single mom with two kids, but right off the bat we disagreed on how much to pay. He thought since I had kids he should not pay as much, he only wanted to pay as a room rental at $100 a week, even though I paid for all household item, all food and all hygiene products not to what he offered was barely half the rent. That only went on a few months and then he got laid off his job. I supported him for a few months and then we began working together making the same amount of money, we both contributed our entire checks to the bills because we took a huge paycut to work together, which is another nightmare in itself. That quickly ended.

 

I get a sizely income tax return so at that time we left the company we were working together. My plan was to manage/budget my income tax as I have always dont in the past to pay the next few months bills while I attended class and start my real estate career. During the 3-4 months he did nothing....but I didn't push, I figured he was an adult he knows what he needs to do and I figured when he did started working he would help me, starting out in real estate there is no guarentee income and could be upwards 6-9 months before you even make your first sale. After 4 months he finally got a new job and has been there since making really good money.

 

After only two month of helping me pay the bills he pushed me to put real estate on hold and get a steady weekly paying job, which I did and agreed to do until the next income tax season when, again I wanted to pursue real estate. Non of my goals have anything to do with his income, I would be doing this with or without him. I again paid half the bills along with food and anything else needed. My job ended at the holidays as it was a temp job and he told me that he didnt mind taking over for awhile, that lasted til January where he again started complaining about bills. Mind you during this entire time I am also a widow and recieve survivor benefits so he was never really paying everything all by himself. In feb. I again did my taxes and started paying half the bills.

 

Im now questioning my future with him. He makes 3 times as much as I can even if I were working a steady full time job yet he feels everything should be split 50/50. My kids are 16 and 19, my 19 yr old just startd working and pays rent. My kids basically pay for whatever they need. And when I say split the bills 50/50, I mean fixed bills, not groceries or other household items. When I ask he to give me money for his share he says he will buy his own stuff but never does. I don't understand why he insist on living like rooomates but is ok with me being his girlfriend when its covenient. We rarely go out because he complains he don't have the money so I budget my money and then ask him if he wants to go out. He won't let me pay unless he really doesn't have it (he is horrible at managing money and is always broke) but its the fact that I have to save up my money and make the plans for him to even consider going anywhere.  He makes excuses that he isn't use to being responsible for a household, he is 35 with no kids and has always rented a room. I explained that I don't feel comfortable moving into another place with him (our lease is up in 3 months) and putting his name with me on a lease if this is his attitude.

 

I asked all my friends that live with their significant other how they split the bills....most answered by percentage or assigning certain bills to each other. He says he doesn't feel he should be punished for making more money than me so even if i bring home a 1/3 of what he makes I should still be responsible for half.....oh and we are moving into a bigger house because he wants a yard and garage!!! that means larger rent. So im just curious, how do most of you expect to split the bills with your significant other?

 

I really don't think his issue is money, aside from the fact that he can't stick to a budget nor wants to and is very selfish. I have been in two other long term relationships prior to this and money was never an arguement, we both always worked and we both pitched in and payed what needed to be paid. If one didn't have it the other would help out and vise versa, we were partners. And if we wanted to go somewhere we would plan and save accordingly. It's a shame that he is gonna lose this relationship becuase he isn't willing to compromise. Everytime I try to talk "money" he gets defensive or flips it around and says that I'm just jealous that he makes more money then me. I have even kicked him out a few times and paid all the bills my self just to prove to him this has nothing to do with me wanting his money. Its about not being in a relationship if the other person isn't willing to create a better life togehter or being there for each other when times are tough. He says he wants the same things in life, I don't doubt it but maybe we just have different ideas how to get there....


He sounds pretty stubborn. Ask yourself, can you live with this for the rest of your life? He has a antiquated way of looking at things. Again, bills SHOULD NOT BE 50/50. If both parties arent making the same income, one person is getting shafted.

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Established Contributor
Posts: 923
Registered: ‎02-11-2016

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Shelores - this person just doesn't sound like a good mate. Money issues aside. Let him go...

 

I think it's great when couples can do one bucket of money but you have to have similar financial views and goals. Aside from that, the most fair way, is the percentage split.  

 

I may have mentioned this in this thread already but the key to the percentage split is to still have regular conversations about money. We did the percentage split and then based on that dollar amount we each needed to contribute, we were each assigned specific bills to pay. 14 months later I found out he was hardly paying ANY of the bills that were his to pay. I had to pay over $2,500 in past due utility bills. Definitely one of the reasons we split.

 

Now, single (with 2 kids), I have all of my bills paid ON TIME every month and even have savings and have managed to buy new furniture for almost the entire house. These are things I never would have accomplished with him :/



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Registered: ‎10-05-2012
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Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Northface,

 

i have my 27 and 23 yo kids as home as well so we are living as if we are back together as a couple, so can't go down that path..or won;t right now.lol

Member
Posts: 22
Registered: ‎03-14-2017
0

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Making 1/3 and paying half is ridiculous.  This sounds more like a roomate not a partner.

Starting FICO8 Score 2/2017: 580
Current FICO8 Score 4/2017: 653
Goal FICO8 Score: 725


Senior Contributor
Posts: 4,838
Registered: ‎04-11-2016
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Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.


Hobbit wrote:

Making 1/3 and paying half is ridiculous.  This sounds more like a roomate not a partner.


Who stated that ratio above, I can't find it?

Member
Posts: 22
Registered: ‎03-14-2017
0

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.


BrutalBodyShots wrote:

Hobbit wrote:

Making 1/3 and paying half is ridiculous.  This sounds more like a roomate not a partner.


Who stated that ratio above, I can't find it?

 

Shelores above posted this :

 

"I asked all my friends that live with their significant other how they split the bills....most answered by percentage or assigning certain bills to each other. He says he doesn't feel he should be punished for making more money than me so even if i bring home a 1/3 of what he makes I should still be responsible for half.....oh and we are moving into a bigger house because he wants a yard and garage!!! that means larger rent. So im just curious, how do most of you expect to split the bills with your significant other?"

 

 

 

Starting FICO8 Score 2/2017: 580
Current FICO8 Score 4/2017: 653
Goal FICO8 Score: 725


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