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Telling your parent you are not a bank: UPDATED 7-12-15

Frequent Contributor

Telling your parent you are not a bank: UPDATED 7-12-15

Yeah today I'm going to be the bad child and say it. I AM NOT A BANK FOR MY PARENT! One of my parents is so irresponsible with money I could smack them. This month they asked me to help buy appliances for the kitchen about $6,000 worth......WHAT?! To just put it on my credit cards, that they would just make payments on it. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. A year ago I bought the most expensive thing possible for myself, a pair of boots for $145 and I thought that was a fortune. I almost took them back, I was so terrified that I had thrown away my life on boots, but I kept them because everyone kept saying its not a big deal, you never buy yourself anything, ever. So when they asked me about charging their new kitchen to my credit cards I nearly flipped. They have been using services and buying things with my name and SSN since I was a young teenager and still to this day I recount the many times I've gotten things in the mail for things, I know I didn't buy or sign my name for. The AT&T bill for $400 that I was harassed about at 17 by debt collectors who yelled and screamed at me, calling all hours of the day and my parents response " You don't have to pay that" or DISH NETWORK for $36.80 last year at my parents address that I did not live at for nearly two years at the time. How do you tell someone BACK OFF YOU IRRESPONSIBLE IDIOT, YOUR RUINING MY CREDIT WITH THIS NONSENSE! without being mean????

 

UPDATE: Hey MyFico People, Didn't quite get around to updating this thing but I'm back to let you all know whats happened!

 

I couldn't turn anyone in but I did get all of the false collections off of my credit report. Just made a bunch of phone calls to the original creditors and got documentation that I had never had their services. At this point I've resorted adamantly refusing to help with anything in the thousands range. I tried asking them if they wanted help cleaning up their credit but flat out denials. I've told all of my siblings to watch out for anything in their names that they don't recognise and to come immediately to me if they receive something in the mail.

 

Well, there's some good and some bad. Good, My mother hasn't asked me to open up anything else in my name. Bad, She asked if I could pay the deposit for the wedding cake display and after the bakery deposit was returned she, well, she used it, instead of giving me back my money. Also her $300 charm bracelet, wedding gift from myself, well it "disappeared from her bedroom" she had never even worn it outside the house.....I've stopped wondering who pawned it off and let it go.

 

I'm only $485 less rich from the last 2 years. I can live with that. 

Starting Score:TU:791(Dec3), EX:783, EQ:000
Current Score: TU:786(Aug9), EX:776, EQ:782 (Aug8)
Goal Score:820 across all boards






If all pork chops were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs! -Steven Universe
Message 1 of 20
19 REPLIES
Regular Contributor

Re: Telling your parent you are not a bank

Wow. I'm not an expert on this or anything but I think you should freeze your credit reports to keep your parents from applying for things in your name to start with.

I also think they need a firm talking to. You and I both know you're not going to turn them in for fraud but they need to know this isn't okay.

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Message 2 of 20
Frequent Contributor

Re: Telling your parent you are not a bank

I want to turn them in though...I just soooo irritated. Even that 38.00 Dish network bill went into collections. That is the only reason I knew it existed , SERIOUSLY 38.00 into collections!
Starting Score:TU:791(Dec3), EX:783, EQ:000
Current Score: TU:786(Aug9), EX:776, EQ:782 (Aug8)
Goal Score:820 across all boards






If all pork chops were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs! -Steven Universe
Message 3 of 20
Super Contributor

Re: Telling your parent you are not a bank

 

I agree that you should absolutely put a freeze on all of your credit reports ~ if you decline their request to finance the kitchen they might reapply in your name.

March2010 FICO® ~ 695 TU, 653 EQ, 697 EX
Message 4 of 20
Valued Contributor

Re: Telling your parent you are not a bank

Yes wow what a mess and what terrible parents.

 

Definitely freeze your reports, but then seriously think about making a police report. I know you probably won't do that because they're family, but then family fraudsters count on the goodwill of the people they're using.  That's how they operate.

 

Also if your parents were using your ID before you were of legal age, you can probably get at least some of those baddies removed based on that alone, even without making a police report. Good luck, LShawn.

Message 5 of 20
Established Contributor

Re: Telling your parent you are not a bank

Report it as fraud, take it to local police department and file.

 

How to tell them?  Tell them, this is credit not money I have on hand to lend.  I dont feel comfortable with me borrowing 6000 dollars to pay for your appliances.  If they get sassy just say with your repayment history I know I will not get my money back and I am not ruining my credit and getting myself into debt over your appliances.

 

Screw them, they want to use your money but wont use their own?  If their credit is that bad, theres a reason nobodys giving them 6000 for appliances, jump on that wagon and dont give them any either.

 



FICO 664 as of 8-20-15
Message 6 of 20
Moderator

Re: Telling your parent you are not a bank

You're absolutely right to put your foot down on this!   And you should consider filing a report on any fraudent accounts they opened in your name.   If they confront you on why you've reported fraudulent accounts, remind them that those are not your rules...it's just the law.   



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Message 7 of 20
Valued Contributor

Re: Telling your parent you are not a bank


LShawn08 wrote:
I want to turn them in though...I justsoooo irritated. Even that 38.00 Dish network bill went into collections. That is the only reason I knew it existed , SERIOUSLY 38.00 into collections!

Talk to your parents.  Tell them they've been ruining your credit and your going to pull your report and dispute any credit that you didn't open as Fraud. Advise them that if they need appliances, then they need to get credit from Home Depot etc and apply.  Otherwise use Craigs list and purchase what they can afford.  In addition, advise them to search the internet for ways to improve their credit within 30-60 days.

 

Put a freeze on all of your credit, pull all your reports and dispute anything you didn't apply for yourself.  Dispute every item as not yours and get them to verify, via your signature on a contract that it is yours.  If it requires that you file a police report, do so.  If it doesn't don't.  Don't report your parents specifically, let the investigators do their work. Unless they specifically told you, we're applying for credit in your name, you have darned good supposition but not knowledge.

 

Regardless get everything that you didn't apply for off your report and don't worry about their hurt feeling.  They aren't concerned about your feelings or your financial future. It will not stop if you don't put a stop to it.  My sister constantly did things, "in my name," and didn't stop until her death.  Your parents will do the same to you unless you stop them. Hopefully telling them that your filing a fraud report, and following through on it,  will stop them from continuing to apply for things in your name.

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Message 8 of 20
Community Leader
Senior Contributor

Re: Telling your parent you are not a bank

Excellent advice. 

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Message 9 of 20
Community Leader
Senior Contributor

Re: Telling your parent you are not a bank

I agree 100% with bdhu2001. Stop letting them take advantage of you. 

 

Warning: There will be hard feelings. Once you start telling people "no" who are used to you saying "yes" they will become very angry. My husband & I went through the same thing. Put your foot down, stay strong , and it will all work out.

 

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Gardening since xx/xx/xx Gardenversary xx/xx/xx Score: 08/21/17 EQ 781 TU 784 EXP 789
Current Score: 781
Goal Score: 800
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Message 10 of 20