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The polarization of men losing their breadwinner role

Regular Contributor

Re: The polarization of men losing their breadwinner role

Fully agree with most of the guys on this thread. I'd be stoked if my wife made more than me (her income rising, not mine falling, please Smiley Surprised). I've know guys whose ego would be severely damaged if they made less than their spouse, and I simply cannot understand that mindset. The more money coming in, the better! Doesn't matter who's making it.

 

As for housework, my wife does more than I do. But not by a too ridiculous amount; maybe a 65/35 split. Which, incidentally, is about the exact inverse of how our income matches up...coincidence? 

New Contributor

Re: The polarization of men losing their breadwinner role

My husband is a stay at home dad. When I graduated college, we had 1 kid with 1 on the way. We looked at the finances and the idea of what we would pay in terms of daycare or a babysitter, and found that his income would be eaten up entirely by that expense. I made more money due to my degree in nursing, so we decided that it would be better if one of us was home to raise the kids rather than a stranger. My income covers all our expenses with some to spare.

 

I can say that my husband goes through bouts where he feels bad that he isn't helping out more financially, but I find this happens when other guys he knows say things like he doesn't "have to work" and things of that nature. He mentions that he would like to find a job but then says, "who wants to hire someone who has to be off during the summers and has set hours during the school year"? He also cannot work night shift due to a medical condition. He usually feels fine about it and is not wanting for luxuries (I just got him a $1500 guitar for our anniversary). We really try to work together on everything.

 

As for house work, I can say that he is a bit OCD about cleanliness, so he keeps up on cleaning and is very skilled with construction stuff and does any repairs we need if they come up. We also split cooking so he doesn't have to feel like he does it all, and I try to help as much as possible with any housework.

 


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Valued Contributor

Re: The polarization of men losing their breadwinner role

I'm not married.  Don't plan to ever be married again, ever.  The laws against marriage are too evident and until that's fixed, I don't see the point.

 

That being said, even in my 40s, my policy in dating for the last 10 years is never date a woman who earns less than me or has a poor credit score.  That policy has served me well.  The gal I am dating now is significantly younger than me and even though I'm a high earner, she still earns more.  It's solace to not have to hear complaints about income/rent/bills/student loans/whatever when we're together.

 

In the event of a kid or something ("oops") it also comforts me to know it wasn't because of gold digging, and that "mom" will be just as capable of financially managing a kid as dad.

 

 

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Established Contributor

Re: The polarization of men losing their breadwinner role


ABCD2199 wrote:

I'm not married.  Don't plan to ever be married again, ever.  The laws against marriage are too evident and until that's fixed, I don't see the point.

 

That being said, even in my 40s, my policy in dating for the last 10 years is never date a woman who earns less than me or has a poor credit score.  That policy has served me well.  The gal I am dating now is significantly younger than me and even though I'm a high earner, she still earns more.  It's solace to not have to hear complaints about income/rent/bills/student loans/whatever when we're together.

 

In the event of a kid or something ("oops") it also comforts me to know it wasn't because of gold digging, and that "mom" will be just as capable of financially managing a kid as dad.

 

 


Everyone is free to make edit own dating rules, but it may not have served you as well as you think, and you'll never know which fish got away as a result. There are many very intelligent, responsible and financially independent women who may and do earn less than average.

 

I married a woman who makes a quarter of what i do and still has more than 4x as much as I do socked away. I didn't know any of her financial information for the first year we dated, in part because SHE was afraid that I would mooch off her!

 

 

Frequent Contributor

Re: The polarization of men losing their breadwinner role

With bonus I make $75k-$80k and my wife makes $125k-130k. Am I mad or embarrassed? Absolutely not! Having two nice incomes has helped create a very comfortable life that I am thankful for. On a side note, my credit scores are in the 790's and she still has me beat by 30 points!

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