Unmarried couple buying house

[IOBA]

We are trying to purchase a house.  A long, interesting story that has nothing to do with credit, just people.

DH has very low DTI.   One cc is close to the limit (zero interest for a year).    According to various sources, the high balance on that one card is holding his credit score back.   We learned that the creditor reports about the 25th of each month.   For us, it makes a difference in what products we qualify for as well as the interest rate.

We have the money to pay off the debt in full, but are choosing to leave it there because we want to put down 20%, avoid PMI, avoid escrow, and get a better interest rate.

Our son has offered to loan us the money to pay down the debt.  His terms are a one time loan origination fee of 3%.   (Bless his heart.   It is what the bank offered him for a personal loan, on a special deal.  He turned it down but offered to take it out for us instead, so it doesn't affect our credit.)

The moral to this is -- yes, pay down your debt.  It's also to important to remember that being close to the credit limit, as well as overall utilization, affect your FICO score.

[drkaje]

^ My DTI is crazy due to student loans.

I've been Duncan free one week!! I actually don't feel a bit better for having drank the free coffee at work, LOL!

[GregB]

If you are not getting married but buying a house together AND you want to avoid drama, you are kidding yourself. Even if you split up and managed to work out the finances on the house, the one that leaves is still on the loan. This will affect their ability to buy another house. Depending on the state, legal problems could be just as bad as a divorce.

Get married and buy a house.

Buy a house by yourself - except she is already house shopping so you are digging a bigger hole for yourself.

Rent another house.

or just shoot yourself and get it over with

[drkaje]

^ Buying a house alone makes the most sense. Either way there'll be some level of drama but getting it out of the way first will be cheaper in the long run.

[IOBA]

Absolutely!   Your gf doesn't log on and read myfico, does she?  

The path of least drama for you is to buy the house that suits you best.   If she wants to tag along, ok.   But realize that she may be thinking you might be changing your mind about your relationship with her (ie: marriage, co-habitating, etc).

If possible, my advice would be to move forward with your financials, figure out what you can do and find a house on your own.   Buy it.   Move in.  Tell you moved.   Don't involve her in the house hunting. 

[haulingthescoreup]

Just coming at it from another angle, I would never buy a house with a BF/ GF. If we were looking at something as long-term as a mortgage, we would need to be looking at long-term committed relationship, and to me, that means marriage.

I don't have a problem with people living together (I've done it myself), but to me the difference between that and marriage is that with the living together bit, there isn't a long-term commitment, and with marriage, there is. I'm not naive enough to think that marriage is some sort of guarantee, because it sure wasn't for me, but it's a public statement of intent to stay together forever. And a 30-year mortgage is pretty dang close to forever, believe me.

[drkaje]

^ Considering more than half of all marriages end in divorce, I don't know if we can assume any relationship is forever.

[haulingthescoreup]

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@drkaje wrote:

^ Considering more than half of all marriages end in divorce, I don't know if we can assume any relationship is forever.

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I do realize that, as I noted above. No guarantees on anything.

[drkaje]

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@haulingthescoreup wrote:

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@drkaje wrote:

^ Considering more than half of all marriages end in divorce, I don't know if we can assume any relationship is forever.

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I do realize that, as I noted above. No guarantees on anything.

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Was only kidding. Forgot the smiley.

Not anti-marriage. Just not my thing anymore.

I'm trying very hard to simplify things and am 100% certain there's no compromise that'd satisfy both our comfort levels. Break-ups are a pain in the butt as it is, having to fight over a house really doesn't sound like any fun at all.

[haulingthescoreup]

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@drkaje wrote:

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@haulingthescoreup wrote:

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@drkaje wrote:

^ Considering more than half of all marriages end in divorce, I don't know if we can assume any relationship is forever.

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I do realize that, as I noted above. No guarantees on anything.

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Was only kidding. Forgot the smiley.

Not anti-marriage. Just not my thing anymore.

I'm trying very hard to simplify things and am 100% certain there's no compromise that'd satisfy both our comfort levels. Break-ups are a pain in the butt as it is, having to fight over a house really doesn't sound like any fun at all.

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Yeah, it's kind of sad. On the one hand, I believe that you have to be practical. On the other hand, I wonder if going into things (including marriages) with all these internal reservations about what-if and exit strategies help doom them from the get-go.

In the end, I think that it really helps relationships/ marriages if both parties are fully capable of living independently for the rest of their lives, both financially and emotionally, but they choose to share their future. Oddly, not "having" to stay makes you more free to commit to stay. It reduces the many, many instances of people who are trapped (= trap themselves) in bad relationships because they don't see how they could live on their own. <-- It's very, very different when there are children involved, though, IMO.

Geeze, what depressing musings for a beautiful Sunday!