Always a bad idea‽
Basically, my foolish housemate is getting married (for the 5th time) to some chick he found on a dating website *. I'm eligible for a VA loan, no money down. Been with the same girl 6ish years and have no plans for marriage. Figured I should get a house and not be at the mercy of another roommate's marriage follies, LOL! She's always here anyways and we've lived together before with no drama.
Is there a safe, fair way to do something like this. My gut is kinda yelling "Shop within whatever budget you can afford alone, with no extra stress, just in case!", LOL! She's very excited about the house hunting process and so on. In my mind it's more or less a necessary evil and will give additional stability.
Her credit is perfect. We'd definitely qualify for a traditional mortgage with 20% down. Credit really isn't an issue at all. It's more about avoiding drama, in my mind. In the same vein, I definitely would not want to ever put someone in a scenario where they felt unequal.
* It's gonna be her fourth trip to the rodeo, LOL!
If it were me, single with a long term relationship, I would purchase a house on my own. My income, my mortgage, my house. If significant other and I later decide to officially cohabitate, then something can be worked out that the SO pays for rent or utilities, or something. If things don't work out - it's my house, my rules, bye-bye.
But that is me...
^ I pretty much feel that way but want to be fair. I'm in the minority here, only buying a house because of my roommate's marriage obsession. The kids are only here alternate weekends and it's a tight squeeze but I enjoy them so much space isn't really an issue.
We discussed it briefly and it could either be a place my income alone supports (on a VA loan) or something affordable to us both on a traditional mortgage. Adding someone's name to the deed so they feel equal doesn't make a ton of sense, to me. It kind of seems like buying drama. I also said buying much less house, to have no drama is a viable option.
If you're not married, and not planning on getting married anytime in the future, who is the house really for? If you're paying for it, and she's just living in it as your girlfriend and not your wife, it should be in your name only.
I'm in the process of signing a lease with my girlfriend. We've been together for almost 3 years but have lived together for the past 12 or 13 months. Though it's not the same as buying a house, I feel comfortable enough putting both our names on the lease and just splitting rent/utilities/whatever else.
You somehow managed to neatly sum up what was bothering me about the whole situation before I even figured it out.
Women really are smarter than us men, LOL!
Funny thing is, I would have never figured out why the idea felt icky. Seeing it in black and white makes me go "Jeez, Jake! The whole point of a girlfriend is you don't lose half your crap if it's time to make a change!". I can't imagine intentionally putting the kids in moving or changing homes again
Thank you! I'm not necessarily happy about finally getting it but am glad to understand things better.
Way to Go. You sound like a responsible guy who really loves his girl, but is not going into anything with his eyes closed. Good for you. Things can get messy when people who are in love just make assumptions about money. Just read some of the forums here about joint vs. authorized users or divorced couples money mistakes. I'm certainly not saying that's you - you sound like you have a very solid relationship - She's lucky to have you - you're considering giving her the benefits of a house that you completely pay for, which is usually reserved for a wife who makes a lifetime committment to you as your mate.
All the best to both of you!
Suze Orman says "Fico first, then sex." A little extreme, but probably smart.