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When I realized I was just a check book..

Established Contributor

Re: When I realized I was just a check book..


Backwoods wrote:

You did the right thing by your mother and that is what matters.   We had similar sisituation with DW mother she left $200K to deadbead daughter and $25K split 3 ways to pay  for final situation. The $200K went to the same person who I have posted about before. DW had to guarantee funeral. DW and other relative each paid their parts but not "entitled".  We got stuck paying her part also.  We were surprised to learn 3 months down the road we owed the final 1/3 and DW sister had no intention of paying the final 1/3 and had blown  $200K in 3 months. We just talked chalked it up to doing right by Betty and thats all that matters. 


Backwoods, that is horrible and your DW got through it. A fool and money always part: 200 K in 90 days is nuts. Yep, most family beefs are about money and property. But as I got older, I now see is the slickest slime in my clan. 

Message 11 of 20
Valued Contributor

Re: When I realized I was just a check book..

Yes I know Blackwizz750.  The $200K could have made "entitled" a fresh new life and start but no.  Drugs, cars, and junk.  "Entitled"  knows she is not welcome at our house. She and her husband have flipped between living in a car and homeless shelter for several years and I always worried I will get a call (or should I say DW)  to come claim her body. I    think potters field is the perfect place.  

Message 12 of 20
Established Member

Re: When I realized I was just a check book..

Never expecting to be paid back is the right attitude. I don't loan money to family or friends. I give it as a gift. If they pay me back then good and if not I already budgeted for it. Good job with explaining to children and understanding. Funeral expenses is cash cow. They make so much money. I told everyone I want to be cremated. I also have my own death benefits set up to lessen the burden. What about you mothers estate? That should go towards paying for expenses. Sell items, SS, retirement etc. As for you I am glad you have accepted this and now at peace with the outcome. At least you can sleep at night knowing that you were the one who cared enough for mother to cover expenses and I am sure she is greatly appreciative. Just learn the lesson of the burden and make sure that you have your own death benefits set up so the cycle ends with your mother.

Message 13 of 20
Regular Contributor

Re: When I realized I was just a check book..

Thank You. I really try to be a good example for my children and plus it takes way too much energy to be bitter.  Smiley Happy

 

As far as Mom's estate..I have no idea if she had anything, I have discovered since then that she had a small life insurance policy (FB tells on you all the time..lol) and brother, sister were beneficiaries.

 

Hmmm... maybe that's why they haven't talked to me since..

 

Guilty Minds I guess  Smiley Indifferent

 

 

 

 

**Edited to add** I made sure that anything to do with my final wishes have been paid in full..I would never want to burden my kids with that kind of debt..and the military will provide a headstone/marker at no cost so no worries for them there

 

 

"Your past is the doorway to your future"

Dad's words of wisdom

Message 14 of 20
Established Contributor

Re: When I realized I was just a check book..

Nevertooldtolearn, you are much stronger from your experiences. And yes, FB always tell on you as human nature and social media promotes the "look at me" era. Instead of church or family gatherings people show off cars, homes, and new junk when a windfall has showered them.

Backwoods, at least you didn't not trust that woman to run your business or have control over any assets.

SVergie, you are right at looking at doling money out as gifts . My wife has budgeted for that and she is telling folks no now(happy for her an her bank accounts). Her mom called and demanded she pay up her sisters arrears of three months of rent. I didn't jump in because it's her family. Long story short, she is kicked out with bf and they both work and everyone was mad at dw for few months. Now they get alone better this time around. It's funny when a couple grand doesn't change hands and DW stops the bleeding.
Message 15 of 20
Regular Contributor

Re: When I realized I was just a check book..


Blackswizz750 wrote:
Nevertooldtolearn, you are much stronger from your experiences. And yes, FB always tell on you as human nature and social media promotes the "look at me" era. Instead of church or family gatherings people show off cars, homes, and new junk when a windfall has showered them.  Thank you! and you are so right


everyone was mad at dw for few months. Now they get alone better this time around. It's funny when a couple grand doesn't change hands and DW stops the bleeding. It takes alot of strength to stop enabling, you did the right thing letting DW make that decision, she knows you have her back and will support her decisions ...That is a beautiful thing!!!

 

"Your past is the doorway to your future"

Dad's words of wisdom

Message 16 of 20
Established Contributor

Re: When I realized I was just a check book..

   It's hard to read is how some parents KNOW that some of their children are not financially responsible, but rather than appoint a trustee to dole out their assets after they pass, they give the majority of the assets to the child who is least responsible in an effort to "take care of them."  This almost never works... just look at the statistics of how often major lottery winners go bankrupt in a short amount of time.

 

   My plan for my assets after I pass (assuming I have children) is to put the majority of their inheritance into a Trust, administered by an netrual party (read: non family memer).  IF they are significant, distributions would be stepped at milestones.... something like 18, and 25 years old, with other funds available to pay for education.

 

 My heart goes out to anybody in the situations mentioned above in other replies... my wife's family went through something similar with her grandmother.

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Message 17 of 20
Super Contributor

Re: When I realized I was just a check book..

Heart goes out to everyone involved in this thread.

Its sad to see what happens when ia loved one passes away, saw this myself when my mom and my grandparents passed away. Family fighting over physical things like money and possessions. Im of mind id much rather have that person still alive than worry about their possessions.
Message 18 of 20
New Visitor

Re: When I realized I was just a check book..

Yes, it's terrible, when after the death of grandparents the family turns into a big tangle of snakes, everyone tries to grab a piece from the inheritance.

Message 19 of 20
Regular Contributor

Re: When I realized I was just a check book..

Who gets the china set?, How about her car? happens all too often many familys picking away before the person has even been buried so shocked to read another story like this remaining positive is very good for your overall health. Smiley Happy

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Message 20 of 20