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Member
Posts: 19
Registered: ‎03-03-2013
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When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

[ Edited ]

Let me start off by saying I am not a credit elititst. I know what it is like to ruin one's credit and try to come back from it. As it stands, Nov 2014 all my bad credit will have fallen off, but I also had to do a lot of credit repair to get where I am, so I know the struggle. HOWEVER.....I learned from my bad mistakes of youth when it came to credit cards and not paying bills. I have a track record now of never missing a payment and knowing what I can afford. My boyfriend on the other hand...Is an idiot. 

-3 Capital One credit cards about to by CO in June
-student loans
- unpaid  tax Lien
-Late payments on Car with $530 a month payment....On a Dodge Avenger 2013...It is currently behind and even got repo'd but he got it back, but it's late again. Car is worth 26K
-Bill-Me-Later to be CO
-Delinquent Verizon phone, in collections
-Has no car insurance, which is in collection
-Unpaid medical bills (not on credit report....YET)

All in all he's about 50K in the hole. He lies about making the minimum payments on the CC and thinks I don't know, his credit score is like 471. When he has money he pays rent, utilities, his car (if he can afford it). The rest he just spends on nonsense, he knows I am very protective of my credit and I am hesitent to be with someone who is finanically irresponsible. Yet he keeps doing this! He would rather spend $100 to take me to dinner and make me happy in the meantime then pay his bills. I like the sweet gestures but they are short term, I am worried about long term. When it comes time to buy a house, if we ever get to that point he wouldn't be able to be on a loan ect ect. He also spends money on other crap for himself he doesn't need. I have been through the credit storm and no matter how much I warn him, he doesn't get it, even though he says he does. He cares about spending money to make me and himself happy in the short term, and thinks it doesn't matter how much it costs as long as we have fun in the moment, HIS EXACT WORDS. Am I wrong in not wanting to marry into this!? How long do you give someone a chance to get their financial act together before you call it quits??? Especially when it wasn't always like this? This has been the past 9 months or so.


It's not the fact that his credit is "bad" and he made mistakes or something happened outside his control, it's the fact that he is doing NOTHING to fix it and KEEPS making decisions to put himself further in the hole, like not paying them when he has extra money!!! Smiley Mad

Regular Contributor
Posts: 133
Registered: ‎03-05-2014
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

Walk!!!
Established Contributor
Posts: 505
Registered: ‎10-08-2011

Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

The problem isn't his credit.

 

The problem is that he's an irresponsible jackass.

 

...No offense.

 

If you marry him, all of his financial problems will become your financial problems, no differently than if you married a drug addict, an alcoholic, a chronic gambler, or an arsonist. And like you said, given his track record, good luck with buying a home or... much of anything, really. There's a reason finances are often cited as the reason for breakups and divorces.

 

You need to dump this guy unless he shapes up.

      
Member
Posts: 19
Registered: ‎03-03-2013
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

Thanks for the responses. I never thought of it like being with someone who drinks, gambles and does drugs. But I suppose he might as well be. I guess I just feel bad when I put my foot does and he sings a sad tune about how he's trying... much like an addict would I would assume.

I guess leaving someone when their finances don't directly affect me (YET) just seemed petty... well....to be honest I am more concerned about looking petty in other people's eyes. I need to worry about my own financial future
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 373
Registered: ‎02-07-2014

Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?


Lightntheglass wrote:

Let me start off by saying I am not a credit elititst. I know what it is like to ruin one's credit and try to come back from it. As it stands, Nov 2014 all my bad credit will have fallen off, but I also had to do a lot of credit repair to get where I am, so I know the struggle. HOWEVER.....I learned from my bad mistakes of youth when it came to credit cards and not paying bills. I have a track record now of never missing a payment and knowing what I can afford. My boyfriend on the other hand...Is an idiot. 

-3 Capital One credit cards about to by CO in June
-student loans
- unpaid  tax Lien
-Late payments on Car with $530 a month payment....On a Dodge Avenger 2013...It is currently behind and even got repo'd but he got it back, but it's late again. Car is worth 26K
-Bill-Me-Later to be CO
-Delinquent Verizon phone, in collections
-Has no car insurance, which is in collection
-Unpaid medical bills (not on credit report....YET)

All in all he's about 50K in the hole. He lies about making the minimum payments on the CC and thinks I don't know, his credit score is like 471. When he has money he pays rent, utilities, his car (if he can afford it). The rest he just spends on nonsense, he knows I am very protective of my credit and I am hesitent to be with someone who is finanically irresponsible. Yet he keeps doing this! He would rather spend $100 to take me to dinner and make me happy in the meantime then pay his bills. I like the sweet gestures but they are short term, I am worried about long term. When it comes time to buy a house, if we ever get to that point he wouldn't be able to be on a loan ect ect. He also spends money on other crap for himself he doesn't need. I have been through the credit storm and no matter how much I warn him, he doesn't get it, even though he says he does. He cares about spending money to make me and himself happy in the short term, and thinks it doesn't matter how much it costs as long as we have fun in the moment, HIS EXACT WORDS. Am I wrong in not wanting to marry into this!? How long do you give someone a chance to get their financial act together before you call it quits??? Especially when it wasn't always like this? This has been the past 9 months or so.


It's not the fact that his credit is "bad" and he made mistakes or something happened outside his control, it's the fact that he is doing NOTHING to fix it and KEEPS making decisions to put himself further in the hole, like not paying them when he has extra money!!! Smiley Mad


You are not wrong.  My sister married a person in a very similar situation with a person who gambles.  A few years after they were married, he had sold off all of her jewelry, most of her beautiful clothing and shoes,  sold all of their TVs and furniture and appliances, sold the kid's toys (well you get the picture) to pay off his gambling debts,   Then they lost the house because he was using the mortgage payment money to gamble some mor.  My reocmmendation is to NOT PUT YOURSELF IN THIS TYPE SITUATION - WALK AND WALK FAST.

Contributor
Posts: 102
Registered: ‎07-28-2013

Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

First things first he needs to step up and take care of those finances.  From what I read I think he needs to seriously think about getting a 2nd job to help pay down this debt.  Trust me from first hand experience people unwilling to change now won't change in the future after you say I do.  Not only will his credit be destroyed but yours will also.  That was basically my parents marriage in a nutshell.  Except it was my mom spending while my dad had to work 2 jobs to pay the bills.  What did my mom do? 

She would just open up more credit cards!!  My dad said that in 1 months span she opened and maxed out 4 credit cards.  Guess what when they got divorced half of the debt she charged my dad was responsible for and on his end it was about 20k!  To this day my moms spending habits are even worse!!  She has over 15 credit cards and every single one has a balance. 

 

I agree with everyone he is living for the now which will in turn ruin the future and create a lot of stress with bills floating above your heads.

 

You need to give him an ultamatim.  Either he gets on the bandwagon and starts cleaning up his credit or he loses you.  Don't think he won't try to buy you something to make you forget.  It's now or never.   Debt is serious business and does affect everything in your future together including buying a house, car, starting a family, etc.

Take it from someone who has lost everything and in the end I could have left when I saw there was no hope of turn around.  But not thinking with my brain I continued and fell into a bottomless pit of lost money, credit, house, and despair.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 2,465
Registered: ‎12-09-2013
0

Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?


Stralem wrote:

The problem isn't his credit.

 

The problem is that he's an irresponsible jackass.

 

...No offense.

 

If you marry him, all of his financial problems will become your financial problems, no differently than if you married a drug addict, an alcoholic, a chronic gambler, or an arsonist. And like you said, given his track record, good luck with buying a home or... much of anything, really. There's a reason finances are often cited as the reason for breakups and divorces.

 

You need to dump this guy unless he shapes up.



That just reminds me of a social networking meme that was going around...  "You are not the Jackass whisperer"  WHen it comes to ANY kind of bad behavior drugs, debt, alcohol, gambling, whatever you have to decide if you're prepared to deal with it for the rest of your life.  Most people wouldn't want to deal with such bad financial behavior, it's up to you to make the choice if you want that difficulty in your life or not.

 

Best of luck!  I've deff been there with bad relationships and have left many guys that I really thought were great but there were just some HUGE red flags.

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Established Contributor
Posts: 800
Registered: ‎05-21-2014

Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

[ Edited ]

If he's lieing to you, sums up the relationship fairly well.  If he does not care enough about you to tell you the truth =/

 

Its not petty, if your thinking life partner you want someone you can spend the rest of your life with, stable and secure.  Not struggle and fight to get things better for years before ending it because of all the headache and drama.  (even if not ended, how good would the relationship be with years of lieing and struggle)

 

I dont think there is any limit of time to give someone to get things together, its all up to you.  If your not happy and they dont fit, time to move on to find someone who does fit with you so you can be happy.  I mean, the relationship is bad enough your posting on a board asking for peer input.  Maybe should of been over awhile ago =/

 

Past 9 months, maybe he figures you are not going anywhere so he has an easy ride?  It is a huge red flag for him to say he does not care about money at all, he has to realize its not just him if you two stay together its both of you so he cant just be doing whatever willy nilly because it effects you both.

 

Either way, best of luck Smiley Happy

*edit*

I would not go the ultimatum route.  Do what I want or I walk has always seemed wrong to me.  If they dont want to do it, leave them to do what they want and find someone else, you cant force people to change.



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Super Contributor
Posts: 8,080
Registered: ‎10-03-2008
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

Best to know it now. You can't change him. Sooo... it will require him to decide it is something he wants. Keep this in mind as you go down the road. His problem could become yours.
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Regular Contributor
Posts: 195
Registered: ‎03-27-2013
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

I noticed that you referred to him as "an idiot," and maybe he is.  On our worst day, I would never refer to my significant other as an idiot.  It sounds like you two are mutually not a good fit for one another.  And it sounds like that works out better in your favor!  Best of luck to you!


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