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Established Contributor
Posts: 533
Registered: ‎11-30-2013
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

Anyone this irresponsible will NOT be able to be a partner in a long-term relationship. Like I tell my nieces, "don't look for a husband, look for a father for your children." Do you want this to be the example for your children?

 

Not to mention the fact that you'll be cleaning up his messes indefinitely. I KNOW you can do better.

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Registered: ‎03-24-2011
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

Run, run, run don't waste time putting your shoes on bare feet will do. On a serious note. My brother is EXACTLY like your boyfriend. He was in a relationship for a few years and she had an idea but it wasn't until they moved in together that she really saw how bad he was. She married him anyway and they purchased a home together (her family gave them a down payment as a wedding gift). She decided no joint checking for obvious reasons only a joint savings and money could only be removed on agreement. They agreed to 1/2 the bills since she actually made a tad bit more than him not much though. When the bills were due he often DID NOT have his money. She always had to have the money for ALL OF THE BILLS in her personal account in case he didn't have his portion. He would tell her when he got paid he'd give it to her, and did most of the time but it still was late then he would have an attitude when she asked about it.  The house needed work, she paid for it he never helped and eventually the fighting over money and bill paying ended their marriage. Nothing else JUST MONEY. She ran his credit report prior to their separation and found out he had dozens of negative accounts and the only good standing account EVER was the mortgage that she paid on time for them. She asked for a divorce and did not want any alimony or child support. She asked to keep the house and his word to help with the 3 kids. He told her no and she had to pay him 20k (basically buy him out of the house).  Financially in the end she came out ok. She could always afford the mortgage on her own. She admits she saw the red flags and just ignored them. Someone as careless as your boyfriend is not likely to change. Good Luck




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Registered: ‎04-03-2014
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?


800scoreplease wrote:

Run, run, run don't waste time putting your shoes on bare feet will do. On a serious note. My brother is EXACTLY like your boyfriend. He was in a relationship for a few years and she had an idea but it wasn't until they moved in together that she really saw how bad he was. She married him anyway and they purchased a home together (her family gave them a down payment as a wedding gift). She decided no joint checking for obvious reasons only a joint savings and money could only be removed on agreement. They agreed to 1/2 the bills since she actually made a tad bit more than him not much though. When the bills were due he often DID NOT have his money. She always had to have the money for ALL OF THE BILLS in her personal account in case he didn't have his portion. He would tell her when he got paid he'd give it to her, and did most of the time but it still was late then he would have an attitude when she asked about it.  The house needed work, she paid for it he never helped and eventually the fighting over money and bill paying ended their marriage. Nothing else JUST MONEY. She ran his credit report prior to their separation and found out he had dozens of negative accounts and the only good standing account EVER was the mortgage that she paid on time for them. She asked for a divorce and did not want any alimony or child support. She asked to keep the house and his word to help with the 3 kids. He told her no and she had to pay him 20k (basically buy him out of the house).  Financially in the end she came out ok. She could always afford the mortgage on her own. She admits she saw the red flags and just ignored them. Someone as careless as your boyfriend is not likely to change. Good Luck


^^^^^^

This reminds me of an old Yiddish saying that "The way things start is the way things end" -- in this case, "complicated"

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Regular Contributor
Posts: 133
Registered: ‎10-05-2012
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

this isnt good.

 

His money problems and mentality regarding finances would be difficult to turn around.

 

I'm married to someone for 25 years who is as bad now with money as when we first met. Always promises to get better and stick to a budget. Never happens.She is addicted to overspending. This has caused constant friction and it wears on a person.

 

run. There are more responsible people out there.

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Registered: ‎04-17-2014

Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.




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Posts: 3,679
Registered: ‎11-23-2013
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

I think you received some good advice here. I suspect they confirmed what you were feeling and wanted to do anyway. Leave. It isn't worth the heartache. Also, one thing to consider: what state do you live in? If you're in a community property state, his irresponsible habits can affect you personally despite your best efforts to keep your finances separate.

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Registered: ‎05-27-2014
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

I think that most of the advice here. This is not a person who HAPPENED to destroy his credit because he had medical issues, this appears to be someone who wants to spend $1.10 for every $1 he makes. That just does not work, especially if you are someone who values her credit. Get out while you can. 

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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

I agree, he is living for NOw at the expense of the future. What if you have kids? The kid needs braces, or has a major medical issue and you try to save up to cover that expense...but lovely hubby spent all the money living "In the now".

He doesn't value your future, he's made that pretty clear. I'm sure he's awesome to be around, but how can you plan on forever when he can't plan on next week?

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Registered: ‎09-06-2011
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

WALK AWAY!

 

Sure, I know it's hard, would you walk away from someone that drinks or does drugs...not if you loved them, but if they are unwilling to start fresh and improve, then they will only drag you down. Face it at this point there is only two ways...walk away or sit down and have him realize he needs to change and see if he does. Unless, you love him and willing to be the person in the marriage that controls his finances. Perhaps that's what you need to do if he does not change but wants to be with you. His paycheck goes to your account, you pay his bills, give him allowance...if you want to be a mother vs. wife and down the road have him as one of your kids

 

If not changed, people like that will drag you down. Like an alcoholic who sells things at home for liquor, except in this case its the banks that will take your things. Once you are married, can you trust that he will pay the mortgage on time, or help with it if his own credit is not a concern. It starts with we will pay late and ends up with mass foreclosure before you know it. Next thing you know you have a kid with someone who is taking you both down and you need to get away.

 

I would sit down with him and let him know that financial responsibility (One of the biggest reasons people get divorced over) is a prority for you and you just cant see yourself being with someone that not only is not focused on it, but on opposite side disregards the most basic principles of financial responsibility. Let him know that $100 dinners are not something that interests you or will make you happy, paying that $100 towards his car is.

 

My wife to be has a close friend who seemed similar to your situation and ignored it. Guy bought her a ring but ignored most of his bills that month and called around to creditors asking for extensions. Spent money on stupid stuff. They got married and it seemed okay for a bit until creditors started calling. He also had her cash out her CDs and 401k to help, and money went to pay creditors and when there was nothing left, he folded up his hands and said, we tried...and went back to his old habits. they got divorced a year later. Her credit was never ruined as she refused to cosign for anything, but she gave 4 years and over $40k into the marriage and got out barefoot and broke.

 

He was a nice guy...awesome dude, beer buddy, but he had a character flaw. Some of us drink too much, gamble too much, eat too much, sex addicts, etc....his was financially irresponsible, live for today, the hell with anything else and as long as I have cash in my pocket I'm king kind of guy! Does not care about consequences and does not want to change, simply as an alcoholic who refused to get treatment for his liver damage. You wouldnt marry someone like that, so why marry someone who has similar flaw.

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Established Contributor
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Re: When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

I agree with the general concensus, tell him bad spending habits are a dealbreaker. How long you wait to see if he's progressing is up to you.

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