When the person you're dating is a credit nightmare?

[Ups77]

I'd distance myself from him . He is very irresponsible. I have a brand new harley and quad and both payments aren't near that. I'd rather cook then go out to dinner for 100 

i would definetly get out of the relationship before he ruins your credit.

[compassion101]

He is an idiot and he lies (both your words). Get rid of him

[Anonymous]

The problem is not his bad credit. Credit scores can change over time. The problem is his bad habits. Habits don't easily change. None of us can give you the answer that is correct for you. From a purely mathematical viewpoint, you should run for the hills. He is a bad financial investment. If you end up marrying him, his credit "nightmare" could easily become yours. If he takes more loans, you could end up footing the bill. 

However, these decisions cannot always be made with complete detachment. You are in a relationship with him. You must decide whether the relationship is worth the effort to change his ways. If he is amenable to change, perhaps it makes sense to try and change him before calling off the relationship. But that decision is one only you can make. 

These decisions can be hard. It really comes down to what you value. If I were head over heels in love with someone I might make the irrational choice of marrying someone with bad financial habits, but such a decision would likely be bad one. 

[Anonymous]

Remember only you can change you. Other posters and you have mentioned addictions and related behavior. Care taking, enabling and the control all play in. You can NOT change your boy friend. It is totally up to him. Based on your own past of rebuilding how do you want to move ahead. Forget what other people think (if they think anything). You have to take care of yourself. Walking may be the option for you. Unlike the old days (my generation) it is ok to say it doesn't work and move on. Think about it as you are your own person.

[Anonymous]

Hey,

I read your post initially I was attracted to it because we seem to share the same story but not quite. I am barely starting my credit, when I asked my boyfriend hey dear whats your credit score? He lied and said it was around the 700's. Then he heard my ongoing complaints about how hard it is for me building credit at 25 and he started being honest about all his unpaid items. He asked me if I could check his Credit Score and boom low 400's. Tax Lien (not his but his fathers  he is a JR) several collections adding up to 5K and unpaid, unsettled student Loans. I told him straight up, I know you are trying to marry me in a future (since that's all he talks about) but I don't think it'll be possible with all these debts. I used my brain and told him if you want to marry me we'll need to start fixing this Credit thing.

We went to our community credit union and saw they offered free credit informational classes. One was called "Build your Credit", the other one was "Couples and Cash"

I can tell you that the day he went he was completely frustrated, because he now understands how much a credit score could hurt his whole future, including his future family. But the next week he called his Student Loans Admin. and got into a Rehab program with them.

I was reccomended a book called "Smart Couples Finish Rich" will buy it and hopefully start doing this thing as a couple.

[Anonymous]

smilick2002 - it is hard but you took the bull by the horns and addressed a major life issue. It will take a lot of time and patience. Credit building and rebuilding is not quick. What many people seem to forget is the "oldest account" age and "average age of account" cannot be fixed. They take the time they take. So as you move ahead enjoy your wisdom and work together.

[Anonymous]

Thanks Sir,

I understand the lenghty process and I'm willing to try everything possible to build a resoinsible thread throughout the years. It is a waiting game at the moment. Good news is my bf was just approved for a secured card so I know that will provide at least a positive tradeline. I'll be on top of it of course.

[CreditCardDiva]

I'm late to this party, but to the OP (or anyone who is in a similar situation) - RUN, like a man on fire. If you choose to stick around, do NOT give this guy ANY authorization to use your credit cards. It's one thing to have bad credit, and be on your way to making it good - the desire and work is evident. It's quite another to be with someone who doesn't care, and is just reckless. That behavior speaks VOLUMES about a person's character - again, it's not the bad credit, it's the irresponsibility.

You referred to him as an "idiot". Do you really want an "idiot" for a significant other?

[MONM]

I, too, am late to the party. I'm normally a lurker, trying to soak up everyone's wisdom. There's something I've been wanting to add to this post for a while. It's a real downer, so I've been mentally debating about it. If it's too inappropriate, I hope the moderators will delete it.

When I read the OP, the poster could have been my mother describing my father 30-odd years ago. Dad was always looking for the quick buck, the financial scheme that would erase all his money troubles and allow him to live in the manner he felt he deserved. Mom was the one who went to work every day and picked up the pieces after his failed ventures.

Dad eventually destroyed his credit to the point where he couldn't get financing for any more of his schemes. When my brother was 9 and I was 13, Dad got the bright idea to burn down our home and collect the insurance money. When Mom tried to stop him, he killed her and carried out his plan.

I read TheFate's reply and am really proud of him for turning himself around. I just want people to remember that a desperate, irresponsible, self-centered partner can destroy so much more than the other partner's credit file. I tend to have to learn things the hard way. There are times, though, when I'd just as soon learn from the experiences of others and not repeat their lessons myself.

Sorry for the downer, and best of luck to all during your struggles,

Making Only New Mistakes (hopefully)

[Gunnar419]

MONM, OMG, what a terrible tragic story. I see why you hesitated to post it, but I'm glad you did.

While I'm sure the average liar, manipulator, shemer, quick-buck operator, and chronically unreliable person isn't likely to commit murder, that person is on the spectrum that leads to disaster. I'm sure we've all seen our share of people like your father, people who don't care about anything but themselves. I've known a couple myself who I believe would have gladly "disposed of" the inconvenient people in their lives given the right provocation. Most schemers and users will just go on living their lives quietly blaming everybody else for their failures and the miseries they cause will be smaller than what youf family endured, but you can never really be sure, can you?

What a hell you had to recover from.