Funny how we can talk about sex in a blossoming relationship, but not so for financial accumen. Lol.
Anyhoo, I say waiting until you're talking about renting or moving in together is too late. What happens when after you've given notice on your respective apartments, you finally ask the right questions and discover your "Mr/Ms Right" is dumb as a box of hair about money management? Wooooo boy, that's gonna be a awkward moment trapped in a car or at the Leasing Office! More so as you burn rubber peeling out of the parking lot, never to accept another text or phone call from him/her again.
I think a better is to pay attention from the very first date...even before you accept a date or ask someone out. Just as you've check out his derierre (sp?) or her legs before that first date, check out how he talks about, or avoids talking about money, debt, credit, homeownership, the landlord ("I negotiated a pretty reasonable rate on my lease by..." or "sorry about that dinging from my phone; I have set reminders to notify me when a CC statement comes in or of my ongoing balance".) You get the idea.
Little clues are usually already there even in the very beginning, but we've just been conditioned that it's rude to notice them. How does s/he dress in relation to what their job or occupation is? Is he wearing Armani every day, but works as an office clerk and you know for sure he's not a trustfund baby?" Does she dress stylishly, but doesn't show up at every outing in the latest London Fashion Week outfit every single day? She may have her head on straight and be resourceful in rotating her closet.
Does s/he always reach for the check, or always let you? Hmmmm. What kind of literature is laying around their abode? "Inc Magazine, Popular Mechanics, Cosmo, Architectural Digest"? It's a conversation starter: "oh, hey you know, I had an Uncle who was crazy about the Consumer Reports but never had a dime to his name."
Does s/he invite you over for dinner to give either I you a rest from the expense of eating out? Can s/he never pass up 3 nights a week out with the girls/fellas? Does s/he gamble or shoot off to Vegas or the local Indian casino a bit too often for your liking? Does s/he ever mention saving up for something (tech, clothes, car, furniture). Can you ask them for advice on you 401(k) or topping up retirement accounts towards the end of the year? When you talk about your future dreams, does the other poo-poo them as unattainable or are theirs so stratospheric, and so "without a plan" it makes you wonder if they're living in the real world?
Does she pick up the check for everybody and their dog, but ask you for (even a small) loan until payday? Where do you go on dates or outings?
I'm rambling so I'll shut up now. I've not at all been perfect in my past dating life. But I think that's what's given me 20-20 vision looking backward; I can see the signs really were almost already there if I'd only known how not to look away from them. I got it right in the end, though.
Your turn!
. If he is always ordering the most expensive meals then that gives you a little clue. Also pay attention to his reactions to when you bring up shopping or anything relating to money.
