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When to bring up money

Moderator

Re: When to bring up money

I'm still experimenting with it in my own recent dating experience; however, given that apparently my employment situation is one of the primary deciding factors for mate acceptability for the women I've been dating... and that during my school-only foray for the past several months I've essentially become undatable, financial disclosure is fair game incredibly early in my book.  

 

This may not hold true for the 20ish set, but 30+ or 40+ this appears to hold.

 

+1000 to the comments around the issue to get them to open up, once I even mentioned I was a former moderator here as a hobby and I got a phenomenal amount of useful information back haha.  That was entertaining looking back on it, but it worked.

Starting Score: EQ 5 561, TU 98 567, EX 2 599 (12/30/11)
Current Score: EQ 5 771, TU 4 758, EX 2 758, EQ 8 795, TU 8 762, EX 8 786 (7/28/17)
Goal Score:    EQ 5 750, TU 4 750, EX 2 750, EQ 8 800, TU 8 Blah, EX 8 800 (01/01/18)


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Message 11 of 17
Valued Contributor

Re: When to bring up money


Yes-Its-Me wrote:

Only bring up financial discussions with someone you are very serious with and whom you see a long term with. A few clues can be gleaned from spending time with him though during the initial "casual phase".

 

For example, at a restaurant when he places an order as you pretend to think of what you will be ordering, glance over the price of his order on the menu. Doesn't hurt to do soSmiley Wink. If he is always ordering the most expensive meals then that gives you a little clue. Also pay attention to his reactions to when you bring up shopping or anything relating to money.


I would bring it up at the very moment they have financial distress like losing a job, unexpected speeding ticket, or purchasing a big ticket item they've been wanting...

 

JK. I agree completely with YIM. No need to bring it up to someone you see as a casual dater. If you see your self marrying him then it'll be a good time to bring it up... preferably not during any of the other examples I mentioned above.

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Message 12 of 17
Regular Contributor

Re: When to bring up money

but , by your scores you really had to ask that question at that point in time.  

 

when did you decided was an appropriate amount of time to mention this imaginary paper that dominates everyones lives? 

 

maybe you shouldnt bring it up , maybe people should just have thier **bleep** together .

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Message 13 of 17
Valued Member

Re: When to bring up money

Don't pay attention to what men say, pay attention to what they do! How does your man spend his time? When he has a choice, does he lean towards the more practical and less costly option with just an occasional splurge? Does he make excuses or downplay other people's poor credit? I have found that what people excuse they often do or are capable of doing. I would bring it up when the relationship gets to be more exclusive or in the second or third month. Let your man know that you need to be in a relationship with someone who is financially compatible. Most people who are financially responsible will be relieved to hear it. Be very matter-of-fact.

 

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Message 14 of 17
New Contributor

Re: When to bring up money

I'm late to this party, of course...but in response to: "Hi, I'm ________. How are you credit scores?" I would also ask girl how much she can bench, squat, and deadlift...because money isn't everything.
Today's spearhead is tomorrow's rear flank.
Message 15 of 17
Highlighted
Valued Contributor

Re: When to bring up money

Looks can be decieving.  I have a set of cousins on the Forbes 400 list.  About once a year they invitite Mrs. backwoods and myself to meet them in a major city then set off for an adventure.  We pay to get to the major city and then they pay for everything.  They have taken as places over the world and US we could never afford. 

Message 16 of 17
New Visitor

Re: When to bring up money

It is better to meet with half a year without living together, during this time you can understand the worldview of a person. Then you decide whether you will be comfortable with it.

Message 17 of 17