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Established Contributor
thankfulheart
Posts: 619
Registered: ‎09-26-2011

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.


haulingthescoreup wrote:
 His "drug" is reading crazy stuff on the computer for hours on end.

Oh, heavens. Good thing none of us do that! :smileywink:


LOL! Only his "crazy" involves conspiracy theories and aliens on the dark side of the moon and that he "knows stuff" and if he told anyone what he knows, they'd think he was crazy. Ummmm, because it IS crazy!

 

The MyFICO brand of crazy is a whole other cupcake. :smileywink:

Starting Score: 10/1/2011 EQ 568 TU 593
Current Score: EQ 664 TU 700 EX 701 (FAKO)

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pizzadude
Posts: 8,664
Registered: ‎01-28-2010

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.


haulingthescoreup wrote:

Oh, and to the person who mentioned drugs/alcohol, none of that is involved.  His "drug" is reading crazy stuff on the computer for hours on end.


Oh, heavens. Good thing none of us do that! :smileywink:



Yeah, I know !!!  Who would do THAT ???  :smileywink:

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Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

AAAAH, the conspiracy theory type. Fun.
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FrugalRican
Posts: 2,876
Registered: ‎02-02-2012

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.


thankfulheart wrote:

His "drug" is reading crazy stuff on the computer for hours on end.



If his main worry is Nibiru/Planet X/HAARP or anything like that, rather than his own financial situation, you're much better off without.

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webhopper
Posts: 7,230
Registered: ‎09-16-2011

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

Wow.... Anyways, you could always force sale of the marital home. You don't want your name on it when he stops paying the bill. Just a suggestion. He probably doesn't need something that big to live in anyways since you and the kids are gone now

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Established Contributor
thankfulheart
Posts: 619
Registered: ‎09-26-2011

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.


webhopper wrote:
Wow.... Anyways, you could always force sale of the marital home. You don't want your name on it when he stops paying the bill. Just a suggestion. He probably doesn't need something that big to live in anyways since you and the kids are gone now

Yeah, that's not going to happen.  It's an old family home and is symbiotic with his parents' house next door (they share utilities, long story).  I did just take out a personal loan to pay off the mortgage to help my DTI for my own mortgage app and he signed another agreement with me to pay that off.  Over the eggshell-walking financial discussions of the past month, I have laid out what is his to pay for and he doesn't need to worry about the rest of it. Just shut up and pay your bills, I'll shut up and pay mine.  That seems to be working right now.  We'll see what happens when he's off again this winter...

Starting Score: 10/1/2011 EQ 568 TU 593
Current Score: EQ 664 TU 700 EX 701 (FAKO)

Senior Contributor
drkaje
Posts: 3,482
Registered: ‎07-25-2008

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

Not being harsh, TH, but you're the one who needs to get it. He's not going to 'grow up' and time away from you and the kids isn't going to magically make him have an epiphany. FWIW, he's is probably the same person you married. :smileyhappy:

 

Deal with it forever or get a divorce but thinking you're going to make him change is crazier than alien conspiracies. :smileyhappy:


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Established Contributor
thankfulheart
Posts: 619
Registered: ‎09-26-2011

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.


drkaje wrote:

Not being harsh, TH, but you're the one who needs to get it. He's not going to 'grow up' and time away from you and the kids isn't going to magically make him have an epiphany. FWIW, he's is probably the same person you married. :smileyhappy:

 

Deal with it forever or get a divorce but thinking you're going to make him change is crazier than alien conspiracies. :smileyhappy:


I appreciate your candor.  I do get it, more than I did before.  I don't want an epiphany, per se, but a recognition of financial reality over time, learning from experience and life lessons.  He is NOT the "same person" I married.  At all.  Complete personality change brought on by Y2K and 9/11.  Many people have even suggested there might be a brain tumor (he won't go to find out, it gives "them" too much information), it's been so dramatic.

 

Divorce just isn't the right choice right now for a variety of reasons, but I do see it as a possibility in a few years.  Until then, lots of deep breathing and hoping that the current you pay yours, I'll pay mine sticks.

 

One thing I'm learning from all of this, however, is to teach my 4 daughters to NEVER, EVER tangle up their finances with another person.  I used to be all "married life, joint accounts, OUR money" and I have learned the very hard way that "to each his own" is not at all selfish, but necessary in today's world.

Starting Score: 10/1/2011 EQ 568 TU 593
Current Score: EQ 664 TU 700 EX 701 (FAKO)

Senior Contributor
drkaje
Posts: 3,482
Registered: ‎07-25-2008

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

Personality doesn't change on its own. Could be drugs, tumor, PTSD, schizophrenia, inherited, infection during mother's pregnancy, growing up with cats, etc...

 

Ugly reality? If it's mental disease, he's incapable of getting it. I'm not being harsh, just pressed for time and can't search for a better way to put it. Things might improve some with medication, though. :smileyhappy:


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hunnybunnz
Posts: 106
Registered: ‎07-31-2007

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

You need to pick your battles!  Is it really worth the frustration and aggravation?  Make a list of what is important to you.  If the two of you aren't together, then why not just file for the divorce.  Make it legal.  Your not doing any favors for your kids or yourself.  He is a grown boy.  He has made it this far.  His problem is he has always had you there to do it for him.  Once he realizes your gone, he will learn to sink or swim.  You need to learn how to release and let go.

 

My ex husband was the same way.  As long as I was there bringing in a income.  He was OK with working a mediocre job that hardly paid.  Once I left and divorced him.  He grew big boy pants and got a big boy job.  Now he pays me alimony!


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