cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

tag
thankfulheart
Established Contributor

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.


@haulingthescoreup wrote:
 His "drug" is reading crazy stuff on the computer for hours on end.

Oh, heavens. Good thing none of us do that! Smiley Wink


LOL! Only his "crazy" involves conspiracy theories and aliens on the dark side of the moon and that he "knows stuff" and if he told anyone what he knows, they'd think he was crazy. Ummmm, because it IS crazy!

 

The MyFICO brand of crazy is a whole other cupcake. Smiley Wink

Starting Score: 10/1/2011 EQ 568 TU 593
Current Score: EQ 664 TU 700 EX 701 (FAKO)

Message 11 of 26
pizzadude
Credit Mentor

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.


@haulingthescoreup wrote:

Oh, and to the person who mentioned drugs/alcohol, none of that is involved.  His "drug" is reading crazy stuff on the computer for hours on end.


Oh, heavens. Good thing none of us do that! Smiley Wink



Yeah, I know !!!  Who would do THAT ???  Smiley Wink

March2010 FICO® ~ 695 TU, 653 EQ, 697 EX
Message 12 of 26
Booner72
Senior Contributor

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

AAAAH, the conspiracy theory type. Fun.
STARTING: 11/24/10 EQ-584 EXP-648 TU04-595
CLOSED FIRST HOME 8/19/11 EQ-630 EXP-691 TU04-653
CURRENT: EQ-701 EXP-??? TU08-720
Message 13 of 26
FrugalRican
Blogger

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.


@thankfulheart wrote:

His "drug" is reading crazy stuff on the computer for hours on end.



If his main worry is Nibiru/Planet X/HAARP or anything like that, rather than his own financial situation, you're much better off without.

Follow my financial journey: http://www.frugalrican.com


EQ FICO (01/16/2012): 656 - EQ FICO (02/16/2012): 743 - EQ (02/24/2012): 760 - EX (04/28/2012): 739 - GOAL 2013: 800+

AMEX BCE (0/10K) --- BOA 1-2-3 (0/15.9K) --- Discover More (0/6K) --- Chase Freedom Visa (0/1.4K) -- Hyatt Visa Sign. (0/5.8K) -- Barclay's NFL Card (0/7.5K) -- Chase Sapphire Preferred (0/5K)

Message 14 of 26
webhopper
Moderator Emeritus

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

Wow.... Anyways, you could always force sale of the marital home. You don't want your name on it when he stops paying the bill. Just a suggestion. He probably doesn't need something that big to live in anyways since you and the kids are gone now
FICO 9:
Filed Chapter 13 on 6/1/2017 after job loss. Discharged 6/1/2022.

Goal: Gardening!


Message 15 of 26
thankfulheart
Established Contributor

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.


@webhopper wrote:
Wow.... Anyways, you could always force sale of the marital home. You don't want your name on it when he stops paying the bill. Just a suggestion. He probably doesn't need something that big to live in anyways since you and the kids are gone now

Yeah, that's not going to happen.  It's an old family home and is symbiotic with his parents' house next door (they share utilities, long story).  I did just take out a personal loan to pay off the mortgage to help my DTI for my own mortgage app and he signed another agreement with me to pay that off.  Over the eggshell-walking financial discussions of the past month, I have laid out what is his to pay for and he doesn't need to worry about the rest of it. Just shut up and pay your bills, I'll shut up and pay mine.  That seems to be working right now.  We'll see what happens when he's off again this winter...

Starting Score: 10/1/2011 EQ 568 TU 593
Current Score: EQ 664 TU 700 EX 701 (FAKO)

Message 16 of 26
drkaje
Senior Contributor

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

Not being harsh, TH, but you're the one who needs to get it. He's not going to 'grow up' and time away from you and the kids isn't going to magically make him have an epiphany. FWIW, he's is probably the same person you married. Smiley Happy

 

Deal with it forever or get a divorce but thinking you're going to make him change is crazier than alien conspiracies. Smiley Happy


Starting Score: 675
Current Score: EX 753 FICO, EQ 737FICO, TU 738
Goal Score: 776 FICO


Take the FICO Fitness Challenge
Message 17 of 26
thankfulheart
Established Contributor

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.


@drkaje wrote:

Not being harsh, TH, but you're the one who needs to get it. He's not going to 'grow up' and time away from you and the kids isn't going to magically make him have an epiphany. FWIW, he's is probably the same person you married. Smiley Happy

 

Deal with it forever or get a divorce but thinking you're going to make him change is crazier than alien conspiracies. Smiley Happy


I appreciate your candor.  I do get it, more than I did before.  I don't want an epiphany, per se, but a recognition of financial reality over time, learning from experience and life lessons.  He is NOT the "same person" I married.  At all.  Complete personality change brought on by Y2K and 9/11.  Many people have even suggested there might be a brain tumor (he won't go to find out, it gives "them" too much information), it's been so dramatic.

 

Divorce just isn't the right choice right now for a variety of reasons, but I do see it as a possibility in a few years.  Until then, lots of deep breathing and hoping that the current you pay yours, I'll pay mine sticks.

 

One thing I'm learning from all of this, however, is to teach my 4 daughters to NEVER, EVER tangle up their finances with another person.  I used to be all "married life, joint accounts, OUR money" and I have learned the very hard way that "to each his own" is not at all selfish, but necessary in today's world.

Starting Score: 10/1/2011 EQ 568 TU 593
Current Score: EQ 664 TU 700 EX 701 (FAKO)

Message 18 of 26
drkaje
Senior Contributor

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

Personality doesn't change on its own. Could be drugs, tumor, PTSD, schizophrenia, inherited, infection during mother's pregnancy, growing up with cats, etc...

 

Ugly reality? If it's mental disease, he's incapable of getting it. I'm not being harsh, just pressed for time and can't search for a better way to put it. Things might improve some with medication, though. Smiley Happy


Starting Score: 675
Current Score: EX 753 FICO, EQ 737FICO, TU 738
Goal Score: 776 FICO


Take the FICO Fitness Challenge
Message 19 of 26
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

You need to pick your battles!  Is it really worth the frustration and aggravation?  Make a list of what is important to you.  If the two of you aren't together, then why not just file for the divorce.  Make it legal.  Your not doing any favors for your kids or yourself.  He is a grown boy.  He has made it this far.  His problem is he has always had you there to do it for him.  Once he realizes your gone, he will learn to sink or swim.  You need to learn how to release and let go.

 

My ex husband was the same way.  As long as I was there bringing in a income.  He was OK with working a mediocre job that hardly paid.  Once I left and divorced him.  He grew big boy pants and got a big boy job.  Now he pays me alimony!

Message 20 of 26
Advertiser Disclosure: The offers that appear on this site are from third party advertisers from whom FICO receives compensation.