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hello fellow friends

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Anonymous
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hello fellow friends

My girlfriend of five years moved in with me a year ago, i have always paid my bills, mortgage, and any other payments on my own due to enjoying being independent and because i like to make sure everything is on time and that i see where my money goes. However, for some reason i feel as if it is important to share your finances with your spouse and id like to practice this before engagement to see if it works well because it is important to me to be responsible with money. I have a fear of late payments and such, and someone having access to my money without me knowing where it is going and she is fine with me doing so but upsets her that i wont let her help. Recently, the past month or two ive been obsessing over my credit and im hooked on the forums i gain so much knowledge from you guys its crazy. It made her wonder about her own, so i signed her up for a few credit reporting apps that i use and unfortunately shes about a 520 due to 1 unpaid medical bill of 2000 dollars. however her car is financed through edwards so we opened her a bank account there and i have tried to get her a few credit cards. however shes been denied for even a secured card. So today i added her as an authorized user on my capital on card, and plan to do the same with her on one of my american express cards so evetually she can get her foot in the door with her own credit card. im assuming an authorized user gets credit for my aaoa and payments made on time.

 

I also wanted to know, if anyone has had a similar situation how do you go about merging finanaces with someone else? i had this house and all the bills before her so its not like we went into this together activating the electricity and all bills together she knows i spend alot but im not quite sure what the least painful way for me is to let her "help"

Message 1 of 49
48 REPLIES 48
IncrsCreditScore1
Valued Contributor

Re: hello fellow friends

I do not recommend merging finances.  Each of you keep your own earned money in your own bank account.  What you can agree on IMO is who who will pay for what and when.  Rent, utilities, groceries, etc.  Every month, every other month, etc.  It appears this person has a problem being responsible with money.  Remove her as an authorized user from your cards - you don't want her ruining your credit ratings.  Just my 2 cents thoughts and experience.

January 2018 Scores - EQ 797 | TU 800 | EX 798 | ~~Started Gardening Again on March 21, 2017
Message 2 of 49
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: hello fellow friends

Woah...having one medical collection does not mean she's hopeless and should be written of as irresponsible. If she's taking steps to learn and correct her errors then good for her! Some take longer become aware of how one lapse in payment can effect things.

If you really see yourself with her and want to figure out a long term solution that you both are comfortable with I would suggest starting with one account that you manage together. Both deposit money for basic household expenses and pay those expense together. Literally together...both sit down at computer, with checkbook, etc...together. individual expenses are handled independently. After some time, you can start adding as comfort allows. This helps you to relax your grip as well as be assured she's on the right track. You need to learn to trust just as she needs to learn to manage.
Message 3 of 49
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: hello fellow friends

Thank you, that's more a more reasonable. She is not irresponsible with money at all. She acts holds onto it better than I do. She just didn't have an option to get her own credit card because of that medical bill. So I added her to mine hoping that will get her started.
Message 4 of 49
Pway
Valued Contributor

Re: hello fellow friends

I do not recommend merging finances.  I have a horror story that I learned from many years ago.  Help her out as much as posisble with her credit.  Keep all monies seperate and tell her what her half of the bills are.  Keep it simple.

Thank you for the wealth of knowledge I have learned from these forums. I am logging off as of November 9, 2022. I wish everyone great success.
Message 5 of 49
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: hello fellow friends

There are horror stories on both sides of the situation. They need to find out what works for them. Many couples feel merging finances are part of a relationship, especially once married. Why would the OP "tell her what her bills are"...that should be a mutual decision, not dictated.

Is there risk? Yes. But there's also a huge reward by working together and establishing healthy communication about finances early.
Message 6 of 49
Pway
Valued Contributor

Re: hello fellow friends


@Anonymous wrote:
There are horror stories on both sides of the situation. They need to find out what works for them. Many couples feel merging finances are part of a relationship, especially once married. Why would the OP "tell her what her bills are"...that should be a mutual decision, not dictated.

Is there risk? Yes. But there's also a huge reward by working together and establishing healthy communication about finances early.

Yes I agree that there are many risks.  However, once you move in together I feel that there should be talk around each other bills and sort.  We have read a story on here where this guy and his girl friend broke up because of finances.  Not managing well.  He allowed her to go rent free and after that time was up she still could not afford the rental agreement between the two.  Precautions must be taken.  I am a firm believer that once you move in with someone everything needs to be out and open.  There should be no secrets especially around credit and money. 

Thank you for the wealth of knowledge I have learned from these forums. I am logging off as of November 9, 2022. I wish everyone great success.
Message 7 of 49
Revelate
Moderator Emeritus

Re: hello fellow friends


@Pway wrote:

@Anonymous wrote:
There are horror stories on both sides of the situation. They need to find out what works for them. Many couples feel merging finances are part of a relationship, especially once married. Why would the OP "tell her what her bills are"...that should be a mutual decision, not dictated.

Is there risk? Yes. But there's also a huge reward by working together and establishing healthy communication about finances early.

Yes I agree that there are many risks.  However, once you move in together I feel that there should be talk around each other bills and sort.  We have read a story on here where this guy and his girl friend broke up because of finances.  Not managing well.  He allowed her to go rent free and after that time was up she still could not afford the rental agreement between the two.  Precautions must be taken.  I am a firm believer that once you move in with someone everything needs to be out and open.  There should be no secrets especially around credit and money. 


There's a big difference between a shared account that is used to pay all the bills, and comingling one's finances and credit.

 

There's very good reasons even if things go EXCEPTIONALLY well to keep one's credit report utterly seperate; namely, if the family's finances hit the skids, can declare a BK on one and not the other and still have access to credit without absurd interest rates for necessities while the BKer rebuilds.

 

That said, I'm a firm believer in full disclosure, and if my theoretical spouse wants less, that's fine I can give summaries... I'll show you mine if you show me yours has a rather different context now than it did when I was a kid in school, but these days one could make the argument it's far more important to a successful relationship.




        
Message 8 of 49
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: hello fellow friends

Rev, that's an amazing example of real life credit scenarios. My work friend moved to Seattle with her home back in Missouri completly under water. They couldn't sell, they couldn't rent. Her husband made more money so she was seriously considering declaring bk while he maintained his good credit. It didn't happen as they found a renter in time. But it was the only thing she could do.

Message 9 of 49
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: hello fellow friends

I feel as if you all have slight horror stories. But the scenario is, I am the account holder I have the credit and the income for anything we desire. I'm 24 I can't expect someone of her age to be to the same as far as finances seeing as how no one in her past has cared about it. She got her job when she met me, I sold her the car she drives, she is very eager to understand the importance of it like I do. & seeing as how she lives here bk's and all of that nonsense is not an option because I can control the outcome of my finances and future. I understand a lot of people should be worried but as quick as I added her I can also block her off if for some magical reason she decided to be economically insecure. That's when she would be removed as an unauthorized user
Message 10 of 49
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