Credit Cards Center Credit cards from our partners
Reply
Established Contributor
Posts: 668
Registered: ‎07-22-2014

my boyfriend wasn't really that happy for my success.

we have been together for about 13 years. we are happy-ish.

 

a little history about us. at 18, he had amazing credit, because his mom would fill out his bills for him and mail them. at 18, i had a struggling single mom who put her bills in the junk drawer. he kinda looked down at me at the time, that i was so irresonsible. he got great deals on car loans, bragged about the loan agent praising a young person for having such high credit that he has ever seen. meanwhile, i couldn't even get approved for a measly retail card. 

currently, i work really hard, have a crazy long communte into the city for the job. i'm exhausted all the time, i've been doing this routine for about 6 years now. we moved away from the city to lower our living costs so i could help my mom, and him go into the university that he wanted. so my take is that i have invested in his success as well with my time and sanity. he graduated almost two years ago and barely even looks for a post grad job. he isn't making his student loan payments. he is self-diagnosing-depressed, and the status quoue has been that i be really understanding and pat him on the head for having it so rough looking for his first job in a bad economy. 

but he hasn't really. i am the one who has been having it rough, i was a freelancer through the entire recession and part of my job was inhearently to look for my next job continueosly. WHILE getting my moms house out of backed taxes forclosure. i'm sick of being the good girlfriend and being so supportive of failure...when he isn't trying. he isn't looking, he doesn't take my advice. EVER. he doesn't listen. he just gets defensive at the slightest comment. and listens to his mom about everything, she has never had a career or a well paying job...i love her to death, but he should listen to me. you know. or at the very least  be a man and take control.

 

i am the bread earner, i am the cook, the cleaner. the everything. last night i finally tell him i applied for AMEX and Discover and he starts shaking his head and gives me this comical look like we were back in 2001, like i got decliend or somehting again, like it was totally laughable. And I said no, I got approved, I'm waiting for them in the mail all excited like. And he instantly has this look of hurt, that I have surpassed him and says I can't even pay my student loans and your out there getting credit cards...i called him out on in, that i would expect him of all people that knows me and seen first hand where I've been and where I am now. Him of all people should be happy for me, irrigardless of hurt, jealousy or anything else he is feeling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

EQ 742 | TU 743 | EX 740


AMEX EDP 23k | AMEX BCP 7.5k | CSP 13.5k | FRDM 11.5k | DIT 20k | Citi DC 12k | Pendfed Promise 5k | Pendfed PLOC 5k | BoA 2.5k | Alliant 5yr Secured Loan $500 | 100k in available credit
Valued Member
Posts: 9,468
Registered: ‎06-19-2013

Re: my boyfriend wasn't really that happy for my success.


KittenAttack wrote:

we have been together for about 13 years. we are happy-ish.

 

a little history about us. at 18, he had amazing credit, because his mom would fill out his bills for him and mail them. at 18, i had a struggling single mom who put her bills in the junk drawer. he kinda looked down at me at the time, that i was so irresonsible. he got great deals on car loans, bragged about the loan agent praising a young person for having such high credit that he has ever seen. meanwhile, i couldn't even get approved for a measly retail card. 

currently, i work really hard, have a crazy long communte into the city for the job. i'm exhausted all the time, i've been doing this routine for about 6 years now. we moved away from the city to lower our living costs so i could help my mom, and him go into the university that he wanted. so my take is that i have invested in his success as well with my time and sanity. he graduated almost two years ago and barely even looks for a post grad job. he isn't making his student loan payments. he is self-diagnosing-depressed, and the status quoue has been that i be really understanding and pat him on the head for having it so rough looking for his first job in a bad economy. 

but he hasn't really. i am the one who has been having it rough, i was a freelancer through the entire recession and part of my job was inhearently to look for my next job continueosly. WHILE getting my moms house out of backed taxes forclosure. i'm sick of being the good girlfriend and being so supportive of failure...when he isn't trying. he isn't looking, he doesn't take my advice. EVER. he doesn't listen. he just gets defensive at the slightest comment. and listens to his mom about everything, she has never had a career or a well paying job...i love her to death, but he should listen to me. you know. or at the very least  be a man and take control.

 

i am the bread earner, i am the cook, the cleaner. the everything. last night i finally tell him i applied for AMEX and Discover and he starts shaking his head and gives me this comical look like we were back in 2001, like i got decliend or somehting again, like it was totally laughable. And I said no, I got approved, I'm waiting for them in the mail all excited like. And he instantly has this look of hurt, that I have surpassed him and says I can't even pay my student loans and your out there getting credit cards...i called him out on in, that i would expect him of all people that knows me and seen first hand where I've been and where I am now. Him of all people should be happy for me, irrigardless of hurt, jealousy or anything else he is feeling.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Ok i am going to try and put on my psychologists hat. From what i can tell it seems like he thinks of you as an replacement for his mother, where you have to do everything for him and pay for everything. I hope he doesn't expect you to pay off his student loans now that you are more succesful. Thats my two cents :-) hope i didn't offend you 



EX Fico 784 5/18/16 Fako 806 CS/Credit.com 11/24/14
EQ SW bank enhanced 4/26/16 810 CK fako 807 5/11/15
TU Fico Barclay's/Walmart 5/27/16 800 Fako 808 Creditkarma 5/11/15
New Visitor
Posts: 1,095
Registered: ‎04-24-2014

Re: my boyfriend wasn't really that happy for my success.


KittenAttack wrote:

we have been together for about 13 years. we are happy-ish.

 

a little history about us. at 18, he had amazing credit, because his mom would fill out his bills for him and mail them. at 18, i had a struggling single mom who put her bills in the junk drawer. he kinda looked down at me at the time, that i was so irresonsible. he got great deals on car loans, bragged about the loan agent praising a young person for having such high credit that he has ever seen. meanwhile, i couldn't even get approved for a measly retail card. 

currently, i work really hard, have a crazy long communte into the city for the job. i'm exhausted all the time, i've been doing this routine for about 6 years now. we moved away from the city to lower our living costs so i could help my mom, and him go into the university that he wanted. so my take is that i have invested in his success as well with my time and sanity. he graduated almost two years ago and barely even looks for a post grad job. he isn't making his student loan payments. he is self-diagnosing-depressed, and the status quoue has been that i be really understanding and pat him on the head for having it so rough looking for his first job in a bad economy. 

but he hasn't really. i am the one who has been having it rough, i was a freelancer through the entire recession and part of my job was inhearently to look for my next job continueosly. WHILE getting my moms house out of backed taxes forclosure. i'm sick of being the good girlfriend and being so supportive of failure...when he isn't trying. he isn't looking, he doesn't take my advice. EVER. he doesn't listen. he just gets defensive at the slightest comment. and listens to his mom about everything, she has never had a career or a well paying job...i love her to death, but he should listen to me. you know. or at the very least  be a man and take control.

 

i am the bread earner, i am the cook, the cleaner. the everything. last night i finally tell him i applied for AMEX and Discover and he starts shaking his head and gives me this comical look like we were back in 2001, like i got decliend or somehting again, like it was totally laughable. And I said no, I got approved, I'm waiting for them in the mail all excited like. And he instantly has this look of hurt, that I have surpassed him and says I can't even pay my student loans and your out there getting credit cards...i called him out on in, that i would expect him of all people that knows me and seen first hand where I've been and where I am now. Him of all people should be happy for me, irrigardless of hurt, jealousy or anything else he is feeling.

 

 

 

 

 

 


He needs to go to one of those temp agencies and get a job ASAP or are you saying that he's working, but not in his field.  He doesn't have the option of not working while he looks for the perfect job.  Both of my kids worked while they got their graduate degrees.  I had a full time job while I got my graduate degree.  If he isn't paying towards the bills, or at least for himself, why don't you get a roommate and move into the city instead of the long commute?  

 

You can't keep up that type of pace indefinitely.  I guess I don't have enough information, but he needs to take on responsibility for cleaning and you guys need to split bills like roommates.  Also, make sure that you don't start using your new cards to pay for stuff you previously didn't buy.  If he resents your credit, don't be surprised that he may try to convince you to use your cards to take trips or go out for unnecessary meals. 

 

Guard your credit and use it wisely.  It's hard to build it, but easy to trash it.

  Original Mortgage maturity Sept 2044; Refi maturity Jan 2031
Starting Score: EX 751 EQ 720 TU 737 on 4/9/14; Gardening since 10/24/15; Garden until 1/2017

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 7,913
Registered: ‎10-03-2008

Re: my boyfriend wasn't really that happy for my success.

You can only change yourself. Is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? One of the posters suggested getting a roommate and returning to the City. You are burning out and six years is a long time. It is hard to do all that you do and support/take care of your partner. Relationships need balance and in today's world where both men and women must work there is little room for free rides. Tough love may be necessary. Best wishes.
Starting Score: 848
Current Score: 824
Goal Score: 850


Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 1,021
Registered: ‎04-03-2014

Re: my boyfriend wasn't really that happy for my success.

Appears you are hurting him and he you, him wanting you to fail, you showing him otherwise . . . need to get to a healthier place for the two of you. If this feeding off of each other is the way it is, it is a race to the bottom. Can it be fixed, is it time to move on and be better persons apart. Hard questions that are easier to ignore and keep going since the current status quo is familiar.

Credit Cards: AmEx Platinum (NPSL), Citi Prestige ($17.5K), Simmons ($5.5K), IberiaBank ($14K)
Personal Lines of Credit: U.S. Bank ($5K), Wells Fargo ($11.2K), Citibank ($9K), PenFed CU ($1K), LA Financial CU ($20K)
myFICO 3B Report (as of 4/30/16): Experian: Score 8: 786; Mortgage Score 2: 809 Equifax: Score 8: 801; Mortgage Score 5: 809 Transunion: Score 8: 796; Mortgage Score 4: 796
Utilization: 1%-2% (PIF monthly)
Last Hard Inquiries: 5 mortgage inquiries 5/3/16 through 5/24/16
Regular Contributor
Posts: 202
Registered: ‎11-02-2012
0

Re: my boyfriend wasn't really that happy for my success.

The world of economics has changed, and has made a change unlike any other recent period in history, in that in the past economies went up and down on a scale and eventually manpower was needed again as demand went up, what is unique to today's changing global economy is that the jobs people once did have given way to machines in some fashion or another.  SO not only did manufacturing all go completely obsolete, but when they did move to the new places, they needed less human intervention to get the job done due to robotic technology.  And it all runs downhill.  

 

The options available for work even ten years ago are now no longer available.  There is a long list of post graduates that cant find work, they dont get calls back, no one emails them back, linked in referrals turn out to be nothing, ect...

 

I dont know the number, but there is good chunk of graduates that cant find work, and years gone past getting a degree was a shoe in for a better life, in today's world that's just not the case, but its what is taught.  College is a HUGE industry and they sell people the POSSIBILITY of future earnings with NO guarantees except that student loans will follow you the rest of your life and are due 6 months post graduation.  Age is also a factor, as well as credit history, most places have a minimum of 400$ in Past due amounts as a cut off for a possible applicant to be considered for being hired, this is because they "Think you may be tempted to steel to pay your bills".  The Application process has little to no HR intervention anymore unless you make the first 4-5 cuts that gets passed on to HR.  Then you might get a call.  

 

It used to be , you want a job, you'd pick up the paper, circle the jobs you want, go see the manager, fill out the app, wait around to talk to the manager, pester him until you get an interview and take a drug test and go to work. 

 

Thats not the world we live in anymore.  There is no manager, there is no one to talk to and if you pester them they may blacklist your app as "Desperate" Which in risk behavior models = No Hire.  Its not the same world out there.  He is batting against the machines.  

 

 

Relationships can get strained due to finances anyway, in a GOOD relationship there is still to dos about finances, usually when there is not enough money.  Its is the cause of great strain on any relationship, it is the number 1 reason for divorce in this country. Now, without throwing the baby out with the bathwater, you may be able to look around at things that you may not notice that add to the obvious stresses, and create a cumulative effect.

 

Like, where are your resources going?  All of them.  

Can you downsize the cost of housing?

If you have animals, can you rehome them(because they are a financial liability, also a stress due to daily care and expenses) 

If you are considering that new car loan, dont.

If you are spending a great deal on entertainment, dont.  

Do you have any toxic relationships that suck down your energy? If so, then maybe just put those on the fence til you are able to deal with the whys and hows there.

Ect.....

 

It is easy for someone to say just to get going down the road, but a relationship is a personal investment of time effort and experience.  Each must evaluate their own issues, because they don't ALL go down on paper for evaluation, that's personal.   I am willing to bet the cumulative effect may have built up to the point where you need a break, and as such sometimes you may think its the immediate person in your day to day life that has obviously been the cause of your frustration, when really they are just the last effect that sets it off.  If you can afford to take off 3 days and go somewhere you are not familiar with, rent a motel room for 3 days and don't do ANYTHING outside of that you normally do.  This will afford you a few minutes to breath, analyze, and restructure your goals and frustrations.  

Basically you need to stand still for a minute.  

 

Good Luck!

 

 

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 278
Registered: ‎07-05-2014

Re: my boyfriend wasn't really that happy for my success.

Congrats for your success due to your hard work!! You are right. He should be happy AND proud of you. He sounds neither. He sounds like a child. No offense but I think you could do way better. Don't let him use your new cards or convince you to use them. He will try to drag you down. Keep your guard up and good luck.
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 266
Registered: ‎07-08-2014

Re: my boyfriend wasn't really that happy for my success.

Congrats on your approvals! Don't let him bring you down. You work hard for what you have been able to achieve. As others have stated, perhaps you should get a roommate to help split the bills and maybe take a break from your relationship if it is emotionally and physically draining you.


New Visitor
Posts: 791
Registered: ‎05-21-2014

Re: my boyfriend wasn't really that happy for my success.

[ Edited ]

Congrats on the 2 new cards!

 

I had a very hard time not writing what I think you should do on here Smiley Happy  Women all over the place take so much crap and stay with who they are with for unbelievable and unknown reasons.  There are always other men out there, amazingly ones that can make you happy the rest of your life, not treat you like crap.

 

and I am confused, it takes less than 2 weeks to get a job.  If he has not found a job yet, he either does not want one or has not looked.  You dont need to be a rocket scientist just because you got a degree in it.  You take any job you can to pay the bills until something better opens up, not wait and rack up debt and anguish between a spouse until it happens IF it ever happens.

 

 

Whew, I did not tell you to do anything in there!  Just inuendo! 

 

Congrats again and good luck!



FICO 664 as of 8-20-15
Valued Contributor
Posts: 5,118
Registered: ‎08-18-2014
0

Re: my boyfriend wasn't really that happy for my success.

congrats!


Forums posts are not provided or commissioned by FICO. Forums posts have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by FICO. It is not FICO's responsibility to ensure all posts and/or questions are answered.

Advertiser Disclosure: The listings that appear on myFICO are from companies from which myFICO receives compensation, which may impact how and where products appear on myFICO (including, for example, the order in which they appear). myFICO does not review or include all companies or all available products.
† Credit cards for FICO Score ranges: The score ranges are guidelines based on internal myFICO analysis of actual applicant approvals, and having a FICO Score in a particular range does not guarantee you will be approved for credit cards recommended in that range. These ranges were not provided by any card issuer.

Copyright ©2001-2015 Fair Isaac Corporation. All rights reserved.   | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Sitemap

IMPORTANT INFORMATION: All FICO® Score products made available on myFICO.com include a FICO® Score 8, along with additional FICO® Score versions. Your lender or insurer may use a different FICO® Score than the versions you receive from myFICO, or another type of credit score altogether. Learn more

FICO, myFICO, Score Watch, The score lenders use, and The Score That Matters are trademarks or registered trademarks of Fair Isaac Corporation. Equifax Credit Report is a trademark of Equifax, Inc. and its affiliated companies. Many factors affect your FICO Score and the interest rates you may receive. Fair Isaac is not a credit repair organization as defined under federal or state law, including the Credit Repair Organizations Act. Fair Isaac does not provide "credit repair" services or advice or assistance regarding "rebuilding" or "improving" your credit record, credit history or credit rating. FTC's website on credit.