"Why I lie to my parents about how much money I make"

[Gunnar419]

"Why I lie to my parents about how much money I make"

 Pretty good LearnVest article about breaking away from financially irresponsible family members and personal debt.

[IOBA]

Wow - that was my story!

I just dodged another call about paying a utlity bill.  I didn't pay it.  And I am not sure what happened since they missed their deadline to pay.

[Startome]

I read it, and another one by her,they were very interesting, and I hope they encouraged you too =)

[twall06]

Great article learning to family no was really hard for me . I hate seeing them struggle but I had to struggle to get out of the credit mess they helped get me in.

[IOBA]

I am getting ready to give my son a lump sum for college.  I have to tie some strings around the gift.  One string will be NOT to loan  to anyone, including grandparents.  Another string will be NOT to give it to anyone, including grandparents.

I know that they will be asking for "loans" with "promises" to pay it back. And if they can't live within their means, I sincerely doubt that they will be able to pay him back.

Not going to be easy.  But, what he does with the money is his choice and he will have to live with it.

Not sharing the details to family members about money is not something I had ever planned to teach my kids.  Not like the article.  *sigh*  I will also have to tell my son about how I have bailed out his grandparents over the years.  When they sold their house, they were suppose to pay me back. Never saw a penny.  (To preserve his relationship with them, I never said a word to my son.)  I want to make sure the strings on the college fund stay intact.

But in the end, it's really not my decision.

[Gypsie77]

IOBA-

Can you give your son part of the money?  Say enough for the quarter/semester to gauge how things play out? I had an aunt the would ask me for money when I was in college.  She never paid me back until my grandparents started managing her finances. I know how difficult it can be to say no to relatives.  Especially those whom you looked up to.  

[IOBA]

I could give it to him in peices.  We did that his first year in college.  It didn't work out so well.  He's very good at managing finances, when it's HIS own money.  He's not so diligent when it's my money.  Even if the monthly amount is limited.  He knows he can always ask for more and I would do my best to provide it.

The first year of college, money was spent without accounting for where it all went.  (Even when he received a set amount each month.)  I had to shut down the free flow of money for many financial reasons.

My son started working and making his own money.  He was very diligent about making a budget, tweaking it as necessary, and living within his means.  He was getting a small amount of money from another source and he was super good about making sure he didn't "waste" money.  (The other person stepped in to help when I had to stop sending monthly money.)

Now my son is to the point that he is almost 100% supporting himself and going to school.  That is a great thing.  

Next school year will be abroad.  Expenses will be close to, if not more than, double what they are now.  Although my son is saving for it, he's still not going to be able to support himself 100% while abroad.  The other person is likely, but no guarantees, going to continue to supplement my son's paycheck.  

I think giving him the lump sum for the rest of his college (2 years) would be a good thing.  I think if he knows that is all he going to receive, he   will make it last as long as possible.  He's amazing like that.  He has an IRA.  Doesn't put anything into it, but he has one.  He also have close to $800 in CD's.  He doesn't touch them.  Just lets them roll over year to year.  

My hope is that by giving him a lump sum, he will know that he can focus on his schooling and not be so focused on making a paycheck.  My hope is that the other source will not need to supplement my son's income.  (My son plans to pay the person back in full, with interest, although he doesn't have to.)  My hope is that my son will budget well and stretch the money out to finish his degree(s).

We will see!  And of course, I don't want him to give the money to his grandparents or another black hole.  But in the end, it's his choice.

[IOBA]

PS - I did tell my son some of the money stories regarding his grandparents. His grandparents had promised to give him $200 a year (total) to help with college.  They have not done that.  I think my son realizes that it's not likely that they would pay him back.  (His grandparents have a very generous heart, but just do not live within their means.  I am not sure that they ever have during the time I have known them.)

[shun12]

This is a top situatation.

[IOBA]

Update - I did give a lump sum to my son for college.  He handled it surprisingly well.  Lol.  At first, he thought the bank made a mistake and he wondered out loud how long it would be before the bank realized their mistake....  

My son fully funded a 3% CD, maxed out the balance in his checking account to earn the most interest, and bought himself a cheapy new laptop.  Then he promplty made the rest of hte funds available to me for my life.  All of this was before the property deal came back on the table.

As for the grandparents, I don't think they know about either thing or income.

I still believe it's best to keep the numbers to ourselves right now.