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Registered: ‎07-14-2009

Re: separating finances during marriage.

I'll put in my 2 cents.

 

IMO much of this depends on life experiences and age. I've been married for over 35 years and all of our finances are joint except for a couple of CC's where we have the other as an AU.

 

I can't imagine having it any other way but I must admit in today's world if I was considering marriage I would probably look at things alot differently.

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Registered: ‎04-08-2014

Re: separating finances during marriage.

    I fail to see IMO why since you make X amount more than I do, you get to enjoy yourself more than me yet we are one. We have seperate accounts but have access to view each others accounts. You bring in $100 and I bring in $1000, we both have $1100 to spend. Why should I get to enjoy my money more than you because I earned more?? We are partners. So after bills and savings there is any left over. That is our happy money. If you want it for your nails and hair cool, I want my happy money for a cold one and toys cool. Everyone is happy and no one is knocking at my doors asking to be paid.

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Re: separating finances during marriage.

My DH and I share the same financial goals and frugal mentality. All our bank and savings accounts are joint but not the credit cards. However, we are AUs of each other's rewards cards. He's the one on the mortgage but we're both on the deed. I manage all our finances through Mint and have an established budget, which I check daily to make sure we're right on track and detect any signs of our credit cards being fraudulently used. When I met him, his password management style was to always hit the "I forgot my password" and/or "I forgot my user name" buttons so he could access his accounts. Now we have every single password saved, backed up and synced to all our devices through Dashlane. He was also getting confused with the different cards and rewards categories so I implemented the wallaby app and it has worked like a charm. No more using the QS1 at the supermarket when he should've used the Amex BCP. I downloaded the Mint app on his phone but he never checks it so I make it a point to go over the weekly family financial summary with him on the weekends. We think marriage is a team and we should use his and my strengths playing in the best role possible but both team members must agree on the game plan, on what the prize will be, on what each is going to sacrifice to attain it, and on commiting to follow through to the best of our abilities to reach our common goals.

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Posts: 289
Registered: ‎09-10-2014

Re: separating finances during marriage.


Vivacious10 wrote:

My DH and I share the same financial goals and frugal mentality. All our bank and savings accounts are joint but not the credit cards. However, we are AUs of each other's rewards cards. He's the one on the mortgage but we're both on the deed. I manage all our finances through Mint and have an established budget, which I check daily to make sure we're right on track and detect any signs of our credit cards being fraudulently used. When I met him, his password management style was to always hit the "I forgot my password" and/or "I forgot my user name" buttons so he could access his accounts. Now we have every single password saved, backed up and synced to all our devices through Dashlane. He was also getting confused with the different cards and rewards categories so I implemented the wallaby app and it has worked like a charm. No more using the QS1 at the supermarket when he should've used the Amex BCP. I downloaded the Mint app on his phone but he never checks it so I make it a point to go over the weekly family financial summary with him on the weekends. We think marriage is a team and we should use his and my strengths playing in the best role possible but both team members must agree on the game plan, on what the prize will be, on what each is going to sacrifice to attain it, and on commiting to follow through to the best of our abilities to reach our common goals.


Kudos and Bravo to you!

 

To the majority of us, it's hard enough to get the budget for one person understood and under control.  It's good to see that budget management for two people is possible as long as you work together and have a common understanding of the "big picture" goal.


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Regular Contributor
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Registered: ‎04-17-2015
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Re: separating finances during marriage.

Self preservation is the first law of nature. However relationships tend to completely mess that up (lol).

 

 

But on a serious note its because of situations like these that ppl should be engaging in lifestyle convo's well b4 tying the knot. For example when one person wants to hav kids but the other person doesnt but you're so engrossed in the throes-of-love & passion that U dont find this out until after the fact.

 

 

If love is about anything its compatibility & responsibility. We may not hav to enjoy all the same things but we do need to share a fundamental values system that prevents things like polar opposite spending habits form occuring. Why waste time trying to build a life with someone with whom U are clearly polar opposites (unless you're just not paying attention to the signs).

 

 

I imagine much of it has to do with ppl thinking they know someone well enuff to tie the knot even though in many many cases ppl hav only been dating for less than a year. If U think U know someone well enuff to contemplate marriage in less than a year you're dreaming. How can U truly know someone's lifestyle and how they behave in certain situations, how they handle stress, how they interact with peers/family/even strangers, do they even like kids let alone want to hav any... without giving the relationship time to gel. That aint happening in less than a year and even then....

 

 

Ahhh well.... Bottom line... relationships take work and time and patience and a lot of forgiveness. And given the effort and commitment involved I wish more ppl would use that effort on someone deserving instead of spending months and sometimes years on a lost cause - not attaching the poster's situation to being such a case just generalizing that when it comes to lifemates we hav more control than we often exhibit.

 

 

Ooops... kinda off topic huh? Well in my defense I'm channeling my inner Lou Costello.

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Re: separating finances during marriage.

Sometimes it's a necessary evil to have piece of mind. Excellent post!
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Posts: 40
Registered: ‎05-14-2015
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Re: separating finances during marriage.

I realise this is an older post, but I'm a recently engaged guy living with his fiance and thought I'd share what works for us. 

 

First off, I'm better with money. She may make more, but she also spends more without thinking about it. So I'd like to possibly have it set up one day where everything is on auto-pay and paid a full month ahead...my personal stuff already is but not all of hers. That's how I did things when I was living solo. It's not that anything is in danger of getting cut off, it's all current. I just like that cushion and I keep all of my personal bills (phone, insurnace, etc) a month ahead. Except the car because they just count that as an extra payment but the auto-pay is set up to pay it early. She's more of a "Pay the cell phone bill at 11:45pm the night before it's truly late and gets late fees attached because the 57 text messages and 29 emails they sent to remind you it's due went in one ear and out the other". 

 

First off, I know exactly what each of my recurring bills is going to be. I don't buy game diamonds or whatever on the phone for Candy Crush or such, so the cell phone bill is always within 5 bucks of a certain amount. So I budget $10 over that amount just in case some weird taxes things happnes. I don't understand cell phone taxes and why one month it's $4 and the next it's $6. My car insurance is a set amount, and I adjust the budget when I get a rate decrease about once a year since I've been with the same company for a while. Gas is set, dog food etc. 

 

So we added up our net pay after each of our health insurance/HSA stuff was taken out, you know...the "What actually goes IN our personal account" amount. Her amount is about 60% of the total and mine is about 40%. So we decided she pays 60% of the joint bills and I pay 40%. I felt good about that, I even saw a Suzie Orman special advocating that arrangement. 

 

We know what rent/utilities/cable/internet etc are each month, with utilities predictable because of the level billing thing. We budget $10 per month OVER the usual for water/power just to be safe. This adds up to a cushion over time and when the cushion hits a certain amount, we transfer it into our joint savings. So if the joint bills come to $1500 a month, she has direct deposits for 60% of that put into the joint account and I have a direct deposit for 40% put in. The bills have different due dates, so there is never a zero balance. The % is just split between paychecks. For instance if mine is $600, then $300 per paycheck. If a month has an extra paycheck, that amount just goes towards the "transfer to joint savings cushion" by mutual agreement. 

 

We have a "mutual" checking account where we each are on the checks and each have a debit card in our name. We also have a "mutual" savings account. The mutual checking pays for all recurring stuff, the rent etc and utlities plus a fairly predictable amount for toilet paper and some other things. It's not too hard to figure out a decent amount to budget for laundry detergent, TP, paper towels, AC filters. We each have a set amount we have direct deposited into the mutual savings account each month, in addition to the "cushion" transfers from the mutual checking. The savings account earns interest, and it's easy to transfer back to checking to pay for some repair etc. The savings account funds repairs that are a NOW thing (like the AC going bust in a Louisiana summer or something we can't really shop around a whole lot for......in addition to trips/vacations. The dog is mine, so I pay for the dog out of my earnings. 

 

We each maintain our own 401k stuff, each pay our own credit cards/car note etc. So whatever is left over after we do the joint stuff by percentage and then do our personal stuff is ours. So if she wants a weekly manicure and her stash supports it, fine. If I want to buy new computer games or a new BBQ grill or whatever, I either pay out of my stash or I save up. 

 

 

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Re: separating finances during marriage.

I've been married for 10 years now, and living together for maybe 15. What I do:

 

There's 3 bank accounts we got all are joint accounts. Two checking and one savings.

 

All direct deposit goes to the primary account, and then I put a set lump sum on the other checking. The lump sum is for my wife weekly expenses. Right now is $300. So she can't use the principal checking, or the savings. I with the principal account pay all bills, and set a lump sum for me for the week I get $100 a week. Whatever is left over goes to the savings account.

 

She got her own cc and a jcp store card. The regular cc I control and watch the expenses if it ain't a huge bill I keep my mouth shut and pay it, if it's on the you spend too much side, I let her know to stop using it till is pif. For yhe jcp card I just pay it, no questions ask, cause is the clothes for her and my kids occasionally she even buys me some. 

 

So far so good I pay all bills, and the money in her account is her spending budget. I also make the credit decision like what cc to get etc and explain to her why this one and not that one. I got a rule at home that we can have only 1 cc and 1 store card. For big purchases or unexpected expenses I either give her more money that week or let her use my cc, since she is an au on mine (I'm not on hers but that doesn't bother me).

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Registered: ‎04-01-2015
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Re: separating finances during marriage.

[ Edited ]

jevangel wrote:
Hey all,

My wife and I are separating our finances(my idea) this week and I was wondering if anyone had done this and how it went.

Moving on. We've moved our direct deposits to our individual accounts away from the joint. We have split bill duties. Basically down the middle. I'm hoping this forces her to realize you need to plan and look ahead with money if you want to live within your means.


An approach that works for my wife and me is to have a joint checking account (and credit card) from which all household bills are paid (food, taxes utility bills, cable, etc... and dependent child expenses). We each direct deposit into the account a portion of our salary. We then direct deposit remaining pay into separate individual accounts. We both live within our means but having individual accounts provides for some freedom in discretionary spending. We also have different risk thresholds for retirement investing - separate accounts gives us each the flexibility to invest accordingly.

 

The joint account has enough allocated for it to cover all household expenses and family recreational expenses. My wife is more into spreadsheets and monitoring funds so she handles the joint account. I just put money in and forget about it as she is better at tracking bills and payments than I am. You may want to consider this option but, manage the joint account yourself.

 

It really boils down to whether (you)/(your spouse) can trust the other with proper management of the joint account. Paying joint expenses with funds from multiple accounts seems to add unnecessary complication ... and if your wife tends to over spend she may not have the funds to cover her share of household expenses. Better to take it off the top and direct deposit into a joint account IMO.

 

Married 21 years - joint + separate accounts from day one.

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Registered: ‎12-17-2012
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Re: separating finances during marriage.

My wife and I have a joint checking (bills/recurring expenses), a savings (wants like vacations), another savings (emergency) and our own seperate spending accounts which get regular, equal deposits each paycheck.

 

I'm the budgeter in the family with a spreadsheet that is calculated several months out. She can't budget to save her life and routinely blows through her spending account and then dips into the joint accounts.

 

Its typically not a lot but for me its frustrating. I liken it to a leaky faucet. The drips don't seem like much but they really add up over time. Smiley Wink


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