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Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011

Re: Child Support Woes


aussiesareforever wrote:

I would look at it from this perspective. What is the worst imaginable thing happened? Just playing a game of what ifs. What if for some crazy reason she dies tomorrow. How would your husband feel? Would he still feel the same way about the $300? Would it be a non-issue at that point? Or would he still feel justified?

That is the way I approach most things. Just to help me realize how trivial many things in life are. I know it is very annoying but all in all, she is still blood and sometimes we just do stupid things for blood. 

 

My two cents.


I agree with you 100%.  Things like this are so trivial in the big picture, being mindful of that is the hard part.  Thanks for the advice.  I always tell myself I can get through Anything as long as my kids are healthy.  And my son is vibrant and healthy and energetic and fun loving and I love him so much.  That is what is important.

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Regular Contributor
my25reasons
Posts: 177
Registered: ‎12-16-2011

Re: Child Support Woes

I mean this in the kindest way possible, so please don't take it the wrong way.

 

Hanging on to so much hate, anger and resentment can really wear you down.  It starts showing in all areas of your life, whether you realize it or not. In the end, it's just not worth it to let $300 a month eat at you emotionally.

 

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

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Regular Contributor
morganirish
Posts: 188
Registered: ‎10-15-2008

Re: Child Support Woes

 

This is a perfect example of the "system"  being broken.  I raised four children, alone, not 1 red cent in child support.  I worked full time- struggled to make ends meet while their father had a new car, boat, all the toys.  And in my state unless you are on public assistance, they don't really do anything to the non-compliant dead beats.  And there are people like you who get raked over the coals.  When my son was 13 he wanted to go to basketball camp.  I couldn't afford it.  I swallowed my pride and called his father.  He laughed and hung up on me.    In spite of that, I never once talked badly about him.   They are all adults now and have all come to their own conclusions.

 

I am sorry that you are going through this.  

Established Member
Tikon
Posts: 37
Registered: ‎04-23-2012

Re: Child Support Woes

Booner, reading through this whole thread I can't help but think your side of the story is seriously skewed. You sound overcome with bitterness and hate and it just doesn't make sense.

 

I would point out to everyone that there are very good reasons why someone in the daughter's position NEEDS the support from the parents.

 

When a child fills out a FAFSA for federal aid, they have to list their parents income. Depending on the parent's income this severely limits the financial aid they can receive. The only way around this is to file a special circumstances.

 

The accusation that she is not in school sounds dubious. You've thrown so many unrelated ad hominem attacks at this girl it's very hard to take your word for it.

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Established Contributor
aussiesareforever
Posts: 740
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: Child Support Woes

[ Edited ]

Tikon wrote:

Booner, reading through this whole thread I can't help but think your side of the story is seriously skewed. You sound overcome with bitterness and hate and it just doesn't make sense.

 

I would point out to everyone that there are very good reasons why someone in the daughter's position NEEDS the support from the parents.

 

When a child fills out a FAST for federal aid, they have to list their parents income. Depending on the parent's income this severely limits the financial aid they can receive. The only way around this is to file a special circumstances.

 

The accusation that she is not in school sounds dubious. You've thrown so many unrelated ad hominem attacks at this girl it's very hard to take your word for it.


Tikon,

 

You don't know anything about this family so I'm not sure why you are passing judgment. I think Booner has lots of reason to be upset. The daughter is happy to take their money but doesn't want any kind of relationship with the family. That is very hurtful. There are plenty of 20 year olds in college working hard to get themselves through school.The FAFSA thing is silly. My parents make a lot of money (a lot) and I still got fairly decent financial aid.

 

Ultimately, I don't think you should make such harsh comments about something you have no idea about and something that is not your business. This is a very sensitive family matter and we can all tell Bonner is very torn up about it. If you don't believe her, it is fairly easy to move on to a new thread without making a comment

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Established Member
Tikon
Posts: 37
Registered: ‎04-23-2012

Re: Child Support Woes

people have certainly been passing judgement on the daughter and ex wife...

 

You have to admit it's not unusual (as in very common) for a new spouse to resent commitments made in a past relationship.

 

The FAFSA thing is NOT silly. My father offered no support to me, but during my college years I had a very hard time getting federal aid. I had to file special circumstances and it got denied several semesters because I had a father making 65k. For your information, any parent making 65K pretty much excludes you from the Pell grant. When I finally got classified as independent I received $7000 in grants (pell grant + science grant). The government EXPECTS parents to contribute. I'm a little shocked by some of the parents in this thread treating their kids like deadbeats for wanting support through college.

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Regular Contributor
Volpes
Posts: 158
Registered: ‎03-10-2012

Re: Child Support Woes


Tikon wrote:

The government EXPECTS parents to contribute. I'm a little shocked by some of the parents in this thread treating their kids like deadbeats for wanting support through college.



Except she couldn't verify if she was even in school; could be fraud?

 

The Government doesn't expect anything from the parents, until they devorce. Then someone is left paying support even when the child is into adulthood; heck, they can be kept on their parent's health care plan until the age of 26.

Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011

Re: Child Support Woes


Tikon wrote:

Booner, reading through this whole thread I can't help but think your side of the story is seriously skewed. You sound overcome with bitterness and hate and it just doesn't make sense.

 

I would point out to everyone that there are very good reasons why someone in the daughter's position NEEDS the support from the parents.

 

When a child fills out a FAFSA for federal aid, they have to list their parents income. Depending on the parent's income this severely limits the financial aid they can receive. The only way around this is to file a special circumstances.

 

The accusation that she is not in school sounds dubious. You've thrown so many unrelated ad hominem attacks at this girl it's very hard to take your word for it.


DH didn't give copies of his taxes for her student aid, he didn't have to provide income, sign any forms, etc.   If she is in school getting fin. aid, she listed income, she pulled it out of her arse or got it off an old child support court battle from 2005.  You think the school is going to take that?  This brings up another good point - if she is in school and getting fin. aid, how the hell did she get his info?  Forging documents?  Getting it via SSN behind his back?

 

OF COURSE MY SIDE IS SKEWED!  THIS IS MY SIDE!  And of course there are all sorts of things irrelevant to the child support directly, but it's the entire situation w/ this "child" that I'm fuming about.  Please don't read my posts or comment to me if you are going to be calling me a liar.    I know I will be putting you on my "ignore" feature.

 

Isn't there a rule here that if you can't say anything nice then you can't say it at all? 

 

There has never been any proof whatsoever that she is in school.  Period.  Nothing FB ever mentions classes or tests or anything.  Only partying.  And you think it's past her to lie about this?  It's not.

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Valued Contributor
rckstrscott
Posts: 2,659
Registered: ‎04-25-2011

Re: Child Support Woes

[ Edited ]

Booner72 wrote:

Tikon wrote:

Booner, reading through this whole thread I can't help but think your side of the story is seriously skewed. You sound overcome with bitterness and hate and it just doesn't make sense.

 

I would point out to everyone that there are very good reasons why someone in the daughter's position NEEDS the support from the parents.

 

When a child fills out a FAFSA for federal aid, they have to list their parents income. Depending on the parent's income this severely limits the financial aid they can receive. The only way around this is to file a special circumstances.

 

The accusation that she is not in school sounds dubious. You've thrown so many unrelated ad hominem attacks at this girl it's very hard to take your word for it.


DH didn't give copies of his taxes for her student aid, he didn't have to provide income, sign any forms, etc.   If she is in school getting fin. aid, she listed income, she pulled it out of her arse or got it off an old child support court battle from 2005.  You think the school is going to take that?  This brings up another good point - if she is in school and getting fin. aid, how the hell did she get his info?  Forging documents?  Getting it via SSN behind his back?

 

OF COURSE MY SIDE IS SKEWED!  THIS IS MY SIDE!  And of course there are all sorts of things irrelevant to the child support directly, but it's the entire situation w/ this "child" that I'm fuming about.  Please don't read my posts or comment to me if you are going to be calling me a liar.    I know I will be putting you on my "ignore" feature.

 

Isn't there a rule here that if you can't say anything nice then you can't say it at all? 

 

There has never been any proof whatsoever that she is in school.  Period.  Nothing FB ever mentions classes or tests or anything.  Only partying.  And you think it's past her to lie about this?  It's not.



I would like to interject something into this discussion:

 

Being a bad human being, and being 20 kind of go hand in hand. Yes, I know there are many good people out there in the young adult world. But I look at some of my behavior towards certain people when I was 20, or the actions of my youth, and I am embarrassed. Being 20 is the definition of being self-serving, self-centered, and selfish.

 

Your DH's daughter reminds me an awful lot of my youngest sibling. She was the kind of kid who stole money from the christmas tree and skip town. She was the type of kid who had a baby, and left my neice with me and my mother and went to Cancun for 2 weeks without telling me. She was the kind of person abaondoned my neice to the father when she was 5 and hasn't seen her since. She steals money, she lies, she probably has mental issues and we hadn't spoken to her in 4 years.

 

Or maybe she doesn't now. Maybe I have no idea because I don't know her anymore. Know whats shes doing. Just making assumptions.

 

My dad died when she was 12. I was 19.

 

I can't help to think that if she had a strong male presence growing, maybe she wouldn' be this way. Maybe she doesn't have to be this way. Maybe I should call her up and try to reach out again. Maybe she will shun me and is still doing those crappy things.

 

I am 33 now. Maybe it is time to let go of my anger and try to help my little sister before she kills herself or someone else.

 

Maybe I am wrong.

 

But after reading this entire thread, I personally feel the anger has taken over every facet of whatever this so called relationship is with this troubled young lady. It saddens me because you remind me of me and my anger towards my sister.

 

Maybe there is a way for you to let the anger go. Maybe there is a way for me to let the anger go.

 

-scott

 

-scott

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Established Contributor
CreditCrusader
Posts: 799
Registered: ‎09-27-2011

Re: Child Support Woes


Tikon wrote:

Booner, reading through this whole thread I can't help but think your side of the story is seriously skewed. You sound overcome with bitterness and hate and it just doesn't make sense.

 

I would point out to everyone that there are very good reasons why someone in the daughter's position NEEDS the support from the parents.

 

When a child fills out a FAFSA for federal aid, they have to list their parents income. Depending on the parent's income this severely limits the financial aid they can receive. The only way around this is to file a special circumstances.

 

The accusation that she is not in school sounds dubious. You've thrown so many unrelated ad hominem attacks at this girl it's very hard to take your word for it.


...as opposed to you, who sounds COMPLETELY objective...

 

You COULD help but think something other than "your side of the story is seriously skewed", but I suspect that your bias is disallowing you to do so. The truth is, the current system of supporting children kicks men in the pills for the most part. To deny that fact is to have your head in a bucket of bias.

 

 

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