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Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011

Re: Child Support Woes


Tikon wrote:

Some random comments on a few statements:

 

1) It's great that a lot of you older people paid for your own education. I did as well, but college is much more expensive now. My university in 2002 was $90 per credit hour, it's much much higher now. When I got my PhD fees were a third what they are now for the same program and I wasn't FORCED to have health insurance like every student is now ($1500 per year).

 

2) Again, the government calculates financial aid based on a presumed family contribution. If you're not contributing that, you're cheating your child out of the same resources other people are getting.

 

3) We're 'barely' talking about an adult. A 20 year old could use some understanding and guidance. All I've seen in this thread is vitriol.

 

4) There's a reason why child support laws have biased towards women. It's because women often get stuck with the responsibility of raising a child AND because men often gets the luxury of a more succesful career (i'm jumbling a lot of discrete factors but bear with me). My family line going back three generations is full of men leaving their family, making good money, and not supporting their children. Perhaps I'm a little biased because of that. Women who stay home and take care of their children are supporting the man's career while ruining their chances of independent financial stability. Men have a long track record of leaving women and children high and dry, so what if there's one example of a newly married man having to provide $300/mo in support? I doubt that's a significant burden. And to be clear, I'm male, and I don't foresee ever feeling particularly oppressed by having to support offspring I chose to bring into this world.


I thought if I hit the "ignore" button I wouldnt have to read this guys posts?

 

 

 

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Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011

Re: Child Support Woes


casmith1980 wrote:

Booner :smileyhappy:

 

I'm sorry you're catching as much grief on here about this subject.  I can't help but relate to you.  I too am a step-parent, but my step-son is only 17.   Not to hijack your thread, but reading all the criticism you've endured, I feel compelled to speak my story a bit (of course it's far too long to go into details).  I'm sure people will think of me as a "jealous" woman, but that's not the case at all. 

 

I've been in my step-son's life for 9 years.  During that time, we have watched his mother completely deteriorate her relationship with her son.  She drinks and drives with him in the car (yes, he's reported it to us but since it's considered hearsay, we aren't allowed to bring this up in court), she's constantly putting her wants in front of his needs ($150 on a hair cut and dye job with the child support yet my step-son has to go to school in ripped jeans, or go without a $15 haircut), etc.  Her latest attempt in degrading him involved him saying he wanted to spend some more time at his dad's house which prompted her to say "I don't know why you want to spend time with him, it's not like his name is on your birth certificate".

 

Sure - I've considered the fact that my SS could possibly be trying to play both sides of the fence...in other words - keep the feud between both households, but after witnessing him break down emotionally, I don't believe that's the case at all.  I try my hardest to listen objectively to his experiences, but it's beyond difficult to not say how inappropriate she is acting.  I find that she "punishes" him for the fact that she can't get along with my husband.  That's not his fault at all....but it's all she has left to control.

 

As another poster said to you Booner - I KNOW I am bitter and I KNOW I shouldn't be.  I'm bitter because this woman left a bad taste in my husbands mouth with regards to having children (yes, the old cliche of telling a man you're on birth control just to get pregnant...they weren't married at the time.  How do I know she did this?  Because when I used to speak to her - she told me to do the same thing!).  I'm almost 32 years old and I've been married to the love of my life for 7 years and I've finally come to grips that I will never have a child with him...but there is a part of me that resents her.

 

So in conclusion, let the negativity from others roll off your back Boon.  It's not worth getting upset about.  There's clearly more to the story that people don't know, just like mine, so it's wrong to pass judgment.  Being a step-parent is the least rewarding job in the world.  You're expected to treat and raise a child as your own...but when you do, it's thrown in your face that you're NOT the parent. 

 

 



- Thanks for your story and the support.  I'm not upset about the criticisim, just being outright called a liar by one person.

 

I know this post pushes buttons for ANYBODY on any side of the child support fence, and I'd guess that is a LOT - and definitely those that flock to a post about child support "woes" -- probably very close to all of us.

 

Though I haven't gotten any PM's from mods, I know some of you have.  It just means it's a hot topic.

 

UPDATE:  The grievance HAS been accepted and we will hear what they will do, if anything, in the next month.  And I was able to get her on my insurance and off DH's without having to pay for May. 

 

And to clarify:  It is the Dept of Justice that mandates a healthcare order for ALL child support orders, at least here in this state.

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Established Contributor
casmith1980
Posts: 633
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: Child Support Woes

That's great news Booner!!!!!!!

 

 

 

And yes - child support is a hot topic and there are definitely different circumstances to each order.  I personally receive child support for my son (his dad sees him 1 time a year by choice for 5 weeks in the summer).  When my son goes to his dad's, as an ADULT, I mail the child support back to his dad for the entire duration of the visit.  Sure, it's not court ordered for me to do so, BUT, it's called CHILD support, not alimony.  My son is getting ready to need braces, and although it's going to cost me probably $5,000 out of pocket - I won't be asking his dad for any contributions.  Why?  Because I'm not a money hungry person.  I make a good living so there's no need for the arguements.

 

My DH and I have to pay $235/mo to my step-son's mother although our custody is a TRUE 50/50 split, because she chooses to not work.  Do I agree with that?  No...but I still mail the payment every month with a countdown of payment remaining (14 more and the car  kid is mine!!  j/k).  His mother finally obtained a job but refuses to tell us how much gross monthly pay she receives because she doesn't want the support lowered.  (Yes, she yelled at her son for telling us she was working). 

 

In your particular case - it seems to be that the daughter is strictly looking for a hand out....well, I have my own feelings on hand outs so I won't go there.  I believe in helping people that help themselves....not people that lie to get their way.

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Regular Contributor
wanttomove
Posts: 181
Registered: ‎03-25-2011

Re: Child Support Woes

I think the main issue here isn't really about the CS or anything like that. I think it's about the fact that a 20 year old "woman" has no problem mailing in child support requests but yet, when was the last time she picked up the phone and said hi to  her dad? Or congratulated him on his new home that Booner worked so hard to get?

I feel like when our kids are small it is our responsibility to check on them, to call, to make sure they are okay. But once we reach adulthood we have a responsibility to call our parents.

My DH has three grown children. He was given custody of them when they were 11, 11 and 9. They are now 20, 20, and 18. Only one of the three calls him on a regular basis. The other two are "too busy" to call Dad. It hurts him and so it makes me angry. I don't want the one I love to hurt, no matter who it is.

I'm sure if Booner's stepdaughter made some type of effort to stay connected to her dad this wouldn't even be a topic of conversation at all.

Valued Contributor
IOBA
Posts: 2,659
Registered: ‎08-13-2009

Re: Child Support Woes

+1

Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011

Re: Child Support Woes

UPDATE:  The child support stopped again based on our objecting, and her not turning in proof, that she is in school.  What we WANT is credit back to March when it restarted and they ignored that objection.  It is possible that she doesn't reply because the forms they send are too complicated for her to understand that she needs to REPLY to the form.   (maybe?)  Mr. "Manager" says this happens often.

 

The manager we have is working w/ the college to get them to provide the info we are required by law to have, but the school won't give him any information as he is not allowed to have it.   He says they are trying to change the laws to prevent situations like ours, and he says that there are many others out there, especially with out-of-state students, going through the same thing.

 

Based on how the law works, we can continue to pay all the way til she is 21, without ever getting the grades and class schedules.    As long as she submits a form from the Registrar's Office to the Division of Child Support saying she is attending 1/2 time, they restart it.  Our recourse is to object if the school won't provide the info over the phone.  This has been done twice now.  (I'm assuming she is in school at this point).

 

  Mr. Manager even agrees that she is "playing games" and costing huge time and expense to the Division of Child Support as they have to re-do judgments every time she stops/starts  the support.

 

I won't get my hopes up this time that it's off for good.  I do know that in November we can apply for it to be permanently stopped as it is within the 30 day window of her 21st. 

 

Any bets on whether or not we get the three months credit?  Mr. Manager says "The lawyers are looking into it."

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FrugalRican
Posts: 2,876
Registered: ‎02-02-2012

Re: Child Support Woes

I wouldn't count on it.

 

The only thing I'd be counting are the days til November.

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Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011

Re: Child Support Woes

[ Edited ]

I wish I could say that this is over.  However, I am glad that I have this post because it gives me dates to refer back to.

 

Got her forms again - she's trying to restart.  However, she didn't send them certified mail.  Therefore, they must have gotten lost.  So when DHS restarts the new judgments, etc. AGAIN (4th time?  5th?) - we will object based on this.  That will put it off a while. 

 

Also, we never did get her transcripts from the college.   I dont think they even cashed the 5.00 check. 

 

Looks like the release she signed THIS TIME has the FERPA laws waived - That must have been the hang up.

 

HOW MANY MONTHS UNTIL NOVEMBER AGAIN?

 

 

 

 

ETA:  We didn't get the 3 months credit because I didn't have proof I sent the fax to them objecting.

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Regular Contributor
Steelersfan904
Posts: 150
Registered: ‎05-04-2012

Re: Child Support Woes


Booner72 wrote:

I wish I could say that this is over.  However, I am glad that I have this post because it gives me dates to refer back to.

 

Got her forms again - she's trying to restart.  However, she didn't send them certified mail.  Therefore, they must have gotten lost.  So when DHS restarts the new judgments, etc. AGAIN (4th time?  5th?) - we will object based on this.  That will put it off a while. 

 

Also, we never did get her transcripts from the college.   I dont think they even cashed the 5.00 check. 

 

Looks like the release she signed THIS TIME has the FERPA laws waived - That must have been the hang up.

 

HOW MANY MONTHS UNTIL NOVEMBER AGAIN?

 

 

 

 

ETA:  We didn't get the 3 months credit because I didn't have proof I sent the fax to them objecting.


Man that is ALOT of work. Geez, I feel your child support woes though I am fighting mine to hell. I have been trying for 5 years to get a modification and it keeps coming back closed because she won't send in her financial affadavit



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FrugalRican
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Registered: ‎02-02-2012

Re: Child Support Woes

November is little over 3 months. Time flies :smileyhappy:

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