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Established Contributor
gettnthere
Posts: 912
Registered: ‎06-14-2012

Re: Child Support Woes updated

[ Edited ]

I can honestly say i feel your pain on this. i think what your "step-daughter" (if you can even call her that) is doing is really manipulative and just down right dirty. im actually speaking to you from the "other" side of the fence, yet i still agree with you. im a young adult myself (23) and my parents Divorced when i was only 6. my "father" was supposed to pay child support from then till the time i was atleast 18. guess what? i never saw a dime. my "father" was one of the deadbeats that didnt give a rats ass about me. i remember when i was younger, maybe a couple years after the divorce, my father wanted 50/50 visitation rights so he didnt have to pay child support. THIS was the only reason he wanted to see me, and had absolutely no interest in having a real father-son relationship. he made that very obvious by the way he treated me when i was at his house.

 

All i did when i was over there was pretty much be his personal servant. i remember him always asking me to go fix him something to eat or to grab a coke or to do his laundry, feed the dogs, clean the kitchen, clean ALL the bedrooms etc etc. i was NOT a normal chore list, everytime i finished something he found something else for me to do so that i stayed out of his sight. he evetually found a woman crazy enough to marry his sorry A$$ and they had a son. once my half brother was born my father made it very clear that he Was the only Legitimate Son my father had. he treated him like royalty comapred to me. i was always made to clean up after my brother and any toys that were bought were striclty off limits to me. the only thing i got to do was Clean them up. once my half brother was about 2 or 3 my father started taking him EVERYWHERE with him. every where my father went my brother went. my father wanted him to be apart of everything he did. i was always left behind, wondering what i could have possibly done to deserve this. i think it was like 3 or 4 years after my half-brother was born that my father and his wife built themselves a brand new 4 bedroom house. now there was plenty of space for me to have my own room, but do you think i got one. nope. 1 room went to  my father and his wife, 1 room for my step-sister(fathers wife had from previous marriage) 1room for my half-brother. so that leaves 1 room left. do you know what my father did instead of letting me have a room of my own? he made the 4th beedroom the "play room" for my beloved half brother. this room was actually big enough to e a play room and still have a beed in it and i would have been happy with just that but my father refused to do it. i was left sleeping on a "egg crate type cushion" on the floor.

 

one of the other big things i can remember is when i was about 12 or 13 years old all i had wanted for christmas that year was a 4wheeler. it didnt matter if it was new or used or whatever i just wanted one so badly i had thouhgt about it all year. i had begged and begged both my parents for one. my mom couldnt afford it on her own and agreed that if my father would help just a little then it would have been possible. he laughed when my mom called and asked for his help (keep in mind this man had never payed a dime of CS) and he told her that i didnt need something like that and it could wait till i could afford to buy my self one. now this does not sound all that bad on its own, but what happened next made it all the worse. the following year guess what my father goes and does, he bought my half brother the 4wheeler i wanted. it was smaller of coarse but still around the same price that he could have gotten me one considering the one he bought was BRAND NEW and i was only asking for a used, older one. i was never alloweed to ride, touch, or have anythng to do with it. after this,

 

 i spent so much time wondering why my father didnt love me and what had i possibly done to deserve the way he treated me. was i not worthy of his love like my half brother. i wondered why he never wanted to have real relationship with me and what about me made him despise me so much? i thought about it so much, yet i could never come up with an answer. the year i turned 14 i finally broke down and told my mom about how my dad had been treating me over the years. she never knew bc i never told her. i never told her bc when i was younger my father told me that if i ever told my mom about anything that went on in his household that he would "make sure my mom couldnt take care of me" therefore he would call DHR to come get me and i would lose all my family. this used to terrify me until i was old enough to realize that really wouldnt happen. once my mom found out she was LIVID, i think she even called and threatened to kill him lol. She went back to court and sued for full custody. i told my father that if he objected at all i would testify to all the things he put me through. so my mom was awarded full custody and i never had to go back to my piece of crap dad. he was ordered to pay child support until i was 18, but we never saw a dime. we never did anything about him not paying bc i was just happy to be away from him and was just happy i never had to see him again. i havent spoke to my father since i was 14 and hes never tried to contact me. never once sent a birthday card or anything at christmas. up till this day he has never tried contacting me at all.  As far as child support im glad i never took his money, we were able to make it without him. i hold so much hate and resentment towards him. i dont know if i will ever be able to let it go. i can tell you this though, i missed having a father growing up, to be there for me at scool events and sports and the things in life that a son would need his father for. even thought i hate him with a passion i would have loved to have a father growing up and a father to call for advice now when i need it. but i dont and i dont think that will ever change. your step daugher does not realize what she is doing to you and her father and at some point in her life she will regret not having her father in her life. its awesome that your DH still has offered to have a relationship wih her despite her treating him like dirt and using you guys for money. a relationship with her father is MUCH more important that anything that $300 could buy here. i just wanted to let you know, as someone on the other side of the situation, i still agree with you and what your doing. she would rather have money than a relationship with you and her father, then something is seriously wrong with her. i would have done anything to be able to have one with mine. money isn't everything and maybe one day she will realize that. sorry for the long post, i just wanted to share with you my experience and how i can relate to how you feel about a "close" family member choosing money over a relationship. good luck and hopefully this will all be over for you really soon



Starting Score: EQ 609, EX 633(Fako), TU 700
Current Score: EQ 699, EX 758, TU 733
Goal Score: 720 across the board
Garden Club Member-GC Challenge: App free since 10/31/12 :smileywink:
Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011

Re: Child Support Woes updated


gettnthere wrote:

I can honestly say i feel your pain on this. i think what your "step-daughter" (if you can even call her that) is doing is really manipulative and just down right dirty. im actually speaking to you from the "other" side of the fence, yet i still agree with you. im a young adult myself (23) and my parents Divorced when i was only 6. my "father" was supposed to pay child support from then till the time i was atleast 18. guess what? i never saw a dime. my "father" was one of the deadbeats that didnt give a rats ass about me. i remember when i was younger, maybe a couple years after the divorce, my father wanted 50/50 visitation rights so he didnt have to pay child support. THIS was the only reason he wanted to see me, and had absolutely no interest in having a real father-son relationship. he made that very obvious by the way he treated me when i was at his house.

 

All i did when i was over there was pretty much be his personal servant. i remember him always asking me to go fix him something to eat or to grab a coke or to do his laundry, feed the dogs, clean the kitchen, clean ALL the bedrooms etc etc. i was NOT a normal chore list, everytime i finished something he found something else for me to do so that i stayed out of his sight. he evetually found a woman crazy enough to marry his sorry A$$ and they had a son. once my half brother was born my father made it very clear that he Was the only Legitimate Son my father had. he treated him like royalty comapred to me. i was always made to clean up after my brother and any toys that were bought were striclty off limits to me. the only thing i got to do was Clean them up. once my half brother was about 2 or 3 my father started taking him EVERYWHERE with him. every where my father went my brother went. my father wanted him to be apart of everything he did. i was always left behind, wondering what i could have possibly done to deserve this. i think it was like 3 or 4 years after my half-brother was born that my father and his wife built themselves a brand new 4 bedroom house. now there was plenty of space for me to have my own room, but do you think i got one. nope. 1 room went to  my father and his wife, 1 room for my step-sister(fathers wife had from previous marriage) 1room for my half-brother. so that leaves 1 room left. do you know what my father did instead of letting me have a room of my own? he made the 4th beedroom the "play room" for my beloved half brother. this room was actually big enough to e a play room and still have a beed in it and i would have been happy with just that but my father refused to do it. i was left sleeping on a "egg crate type cushion" on the floor.

 

one of the other big things i can remember is when i was about 12 or 13 years old all i had wanted for christmas that year was a 4wheeler. it didnt matter if it was new or used or whatever i just wanted one so badly i had thouhgt about it all year. i had begged and begged both my parents for one. my mom couldnt afford it on her own and agreed that if my father would help just a little then it would have been possible. he laughed when my mom called and asked for his help (keep in mind this man had never payed a dime of CS) and he told her that i didnt need something like that and it could wait till i could afford to buy my self one. now this does not sound all that bad on its own, but what happened next made it all the worse. the following year guess what my father goes and does, he bought my half brother the 4wheeler i wanted. it was smaller of coarse but still around the same price that he could have gotten me one considering the one he bought was BRAND NEW and i was only asking for a used, older one. i was never alloweed to ride, touch, or have anythng to do with it. after this,

 

 i spent so much time wondering why my father didnt love me and what had i possibly done to deserve the way he treated me. was i not worthy of his love like my half brother. i wondered why he never wanted to have real relationship with me and what about me made him despise me so much? i thought about it so much, yet i could never come up with an answer. the year i turned 14 i finally broke down and told my mom about how my dad had been treating me over the years. she never knew bc i never told her. i never told her bc when i was younger my father told me that if i ever told my mom about anything that went on in his household that he would "make sure my mom couldnt take care of me" therefore he would call DHR to come get me and i would lose all my family. this used to terrify me until i was old enough to realize that really wouldnt happen. once my mom found out she was LIVID, i think she even called and threatened to kill him lol. She went back to court and sued for full custody. i told my father that if he objected at all i would testify to all the things he put me through. so my mom was awarded full custody and i never had to go back to my piece of crap dad. he was ordered to pay child support until i was 18, but we never saw a dime. we never did anything about him not paying bc i was just happy to be away from him and was just happy i never had to see him again. i havent spoke to my father since i was 14 and hes never tried to contact me. never once sent a birthday card or anything at christmas. up till this day he has never tried contacting me at all.  As far as child support im glad i never took his money, we were able to make it without him. i hold so much hate and resentment towards him. i dont know if i will ever be able to let it go. i can tell you this though, i missed having a father growing up, to be there for me at scool events and sports and the things in life that a son would need his father for. even thought i hate him with a passion i would have loved to have a father growing up and a father to call for advice now when i need it. but i dont and i dont think that will ever change. your step daugher does not realize what she is doing to you and her father and at some point in her life she will regret not having her father in her life. its awesome that your DH still has offered to have a relationship wih her despite her treating him like dirt and using you guys for money. a relationship with her father is MUCH more important that anything that $300 could buy here. i just wanted to let you know, as someone on the other side of the situation, i still agree with you and what your doing. she would rather have money than a relationship with you and her father, then something is seriously wrong with her. i would have done anything to be able to have one with mine. money isn't everything and maybe one day she will realize that. sorry for the long post, i just wanted to share with you my experience and how i can relate to how you feel about a "close" family member choosing money over a relationship. good luck and hopefully this will all be over for you really soon


Hi, gettnthere.  I'm so glad that you shared your story with me and it makes me want to cry, even though I know that isn't what you were getting at.  It's simply a sad story.    I'm trying not to but I can't help but try to give you some words of encouragement.  You are still very young and I'm nearly twice your age, so I might know a thing or two about how parents can screw up their children.  I think to one degree or another, we all have our "father" issues, but yours are definitely some of the worse I have heard.  Being ignored like that had to have just killed you.  I am sorry for what you went through and I just hope that you can learn to forgive your dad in your own heart so that you don't carry that hate and anger around.  (*I know, I'm one to talk about forgiveness, right?)....but I sincerely hope that for you.  I'm so glad that you have your mom and that she stood up to that jerk for you.  I know for a fact that "you" didn't do anything to your dad to make him treat you like he did.  It was his own "stuff." 

 

Thanks again for your support and encouragement and words.  You hang in there, and good luck with your credit goals!  You'll be buyin the 4-wheeler of your wildest dreams at a really great rate here real soon!  :smileyhappy:

STARTING: 11/24/10 EQ-584 EXP-648 TU04-595
CLOSED FIRST HOME 8/19/11 EQ-630 EXP-691 TU04-653
CURRENT: EQ-701 EXP-??? TU08-720
Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011

Re: Child Support Woes updated

UPDATE:

 

This is probably going to sound unbelievable.  And if you are all PM'ing each other out there about what a crock this is, I assure you, it's not, and I can prove it.

 

Stepdaughter and the Registrar lady have been IN CAHOOTS!  I have in my possession three emails that are total lies from the registrar trying to cover up her other lies.  The support is suspended again retro the day they restarted it on the 24th and won't let her even apply to restart it again until she is well into the next term and someone LEGIT can prove she's in class.

 

Mr. Manager has been working this case for 2 days and is calling the college to figure out how ANY college can say "satisfactory academic progress" is 28 credits in 2 years, and a 2.whatever GPA.  (2.1?)

 

I have emails into Registrar's boss with the documents I allege in this post proving that they have been doing this to get SD support for the past 18 months or more.

 

We have requested reimbursement on the behalf of the college for the 3600 dollars we have spent.

 

 

STARTING: 11/24/10 EQ-584 EXP-648 TU04-595
CLOSED FIRST HOME 8/19/11 EQ-630 EXP-691 TU04-653
CURRENT: EQ-701 EXP-??? TU08-720
Established Contributor
gettnthere
Posts: 912
Registered: ‎06-14-2012

Re: Child Support Woes updated

[ Edited ]


Hi, gettnthere.  I'm so glad that you shared your story with me and it makes me want to cry, even though I know that isn't what you were getting at.  It's simply a sad story.    I'm trying not to but I can't help but try to give you some words of encouragement.  You are still very young and I'm nearly twice your age, so I might know a thing or two about how parents can screw up their children.  I think to one degree or another, we all have our "father" issues, but yours are definitely some of the worse I have heard.  Being ignored like that had to have just killed you.  I am sorry for what you went through and I just hope that you can learn to forgive your dad in your own heart so that you don't carry that hate and anger around.  (*I know, I'm one to talk about forgiveness, right?)....but I sincerely hope that for you.  I'm so glad that you have your mom and that she stood up to that jerk for you.  I know for a fact that "you" didn't do anything to your dad to make him treat you like he did.  It was his own "stuff." 

 

Thanks again for your support and encouragement and words.  You hang in there, and good luck with your credit goals!  You'll be buyin the 4-wheeler of your wildest dreams at a really great rate here real soon!  :smileyhappy:


I totALLY agree that alot of us do have "father issues". as bad as mine were, im sure there are others out there that have/had alot worse. i do not let it define who i am or how i act, even with all the resentment i hold for him. i dont know, and probably never will, why my father treated me like he did. i do know that when the day comes my child/children will have a Fantastic father who will take part in every aspect of their lives. i think you and i both hold the power somewhere inside ourselves to forgive that one who has done us so wrong(alot easier said than done) and maybe one day we both will be able to do so. i do not see that coming in the near future but maybe one day. Thank YOU for your words of advice & encouragement, they go along way. Getting that 4wheeler WITH the low APR would be Awesome huh. lol  I really do wish you the best and hopefully and this NONSENSE will be over very soon 



Starting Score: EQ 609, EX 633(Fako), TU 700
Current Score: EQ 699, EX 758, TU 733
Goal Score: 720 across the board
Garden Club Member-GC Challenge: App free since 10/31/12 :smileywink:
Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011

Re: Child Support Woes updated

FINAL POST.

 

We haven't heard word one since the big fiasco, so this is a dead issue now.  Thank god.  I do want to build a relationship with this girl.  There is bad blood on both sides and there is no reason for it any longer..

 

Also, I haven't been around here much - I am on a wellness/healing forum to deal with my Psoriasis.  I am off work for 3 weeks medical leave/stress leave/sick leave to take a crash course in meditation and Chi Gong, and going to the naturopath, and avoiding all stress.  Most importantly learning how to deal with it once I have to go back to work.  I work in a prison so it is extremely stressful, and the energy there is NOT GOOD to say the least.  I Haven't eaten wheat/gluten/dairy since February ( for the most part ).  I have lost 44 pounds.  I am vegan except for salmon, which is extremely expensive but great for the body.   I am healing from the inside out.  If anyone out there or a loved one, is suffering from the big P - read the book "Healing Psoriasis" by Dr. Pagano - and  follow what he says.  Diet and stress are the main causes in addition to our leaky guts.  The meds out there are a nightmare, they cause cancer, make you sick, just trading one set of problems for the other. 

 

OK, well it sure has been a long journey from May 2010 to today, October 5, 2012.  It will be the second Halloween in our new house.  We still love it.  My husband is a horrible "honey do list" guy, though.  He's a procrastinator.  I will admit I sometimes still can't believe how lucky we are.  Our scores are still in great shape and always will be.  The only problem right now is carrying cc balances for some big purchases (Like the Temperpedic - 48 months no financing).

 

Blessings to all, and to all a good night.

STARTING: 11/24/10 EQ-584 EXP-648 TU04-595
CLOSED FIRST HOME 8/19/11 EQ-630 EXP-691 TU04-653
CURRENT: EQ-701 EXP-??? TU08-720
Valued Contributor
rckstrscott
Posts: 2,659
Registered: ‎04-25-2011

Re: Child Support Woes updated


Booner72 wrote:

FINAL POST.

 

We haven't heard word one since the big fiasco, so this is a dead issue now.  Thank god.  I do want to build a relationship with this girl.  There is bad blood on both sides and there is no reason for it any longer..

 

Also, I haven't been around here much - I am on a wellness/healing forum to deal with my Psoriasis.  I am off work for 3 weeks medical leave/stress leave/sick leave to take a crash course in meditation and Chi Gong, and going to the naturopath, and avoiding all stress.  Most importantly learning how to deal with it once I have to go back to work.  I work in a prison so it is extremely stressful, and the energy there is NOT GOOD to say the least.  I Haven't eaten wheat/gluten/dairy since February ( for the most part ).  I have lost 44 pounds.  I am vegan except for salmon, which is extremely expensive but great for the body.   I am healing from the inside out.  If anyone out there or a loved one, is suffering from the big P - read the book "Healing Psoriasis" by Dr. Pagano - and  follow what he says.  Diet and stress are the main causes in addition to our leaky guts.  The meds out there are a nightmare, they cause cancer, make you sick, just trading one set of problems for the other. 

 

OK, well it sure has been a long journey from May 2010 to today, October 5, 2012.  It will be the second Halloween in our new house.  We still love it.  My husband is a horrible "honey do list" guy, though.  He's a procrastinator.  I will admit I sometimes still can't believe how lucky we are.  Our scores are still in great shape and always will be.  The only problem right now is carrying cc balances for some big purchases (Like the Temperpedic - 48 months no financing).

 

Blessings to all, and to all a good night.


I hope you don't mean final post ever, because you have been a great resource to everyone here!

 

And; congrats on getting healthy, I have been doing that myself the past 6 months.. Lost 50lbs :smileyhappy: WOO!

 

-scott

Starting FICO Score: 10/10: TU 498 | EQ: 502 Current FICO Score(lender pull): 05/12: TU: 722 | EQ: 712 | EX: 686
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