Child Support Woes

[Booner72]

Hi, frogfan - Yes, I know it's a federal law.  The problem here is we are in different states, so our states forms arent accepted in Florida.  IOBA said it all - if she tries to get money again, she's giving us documentation.  On the paperwork we received it says if we disagree we can go back to court.  We will be going back to court. And that judge will tell her that she needs to SHOW US THE DOCUMENTATION or bug off.  Child support already said that, too. 

[frogfan12]

That's crazy. I wish I could've had support until I was 21. It's definitely not like that in my part of the country.

[Booner72]

All states have different regs.  Just google "Child attending school in WhateverStateYouAre in."

[KaLin]

You can also have something written in the order of support mandating full access of the student's records to BOTH parents as a provision of paying for their college expenses.  I did that for both of my sons, as I've been divorced almost 20 years.  If the child/student doesn't sign the all the necessary forms for release of information under FERPA, we didn't have to contribute to their college education.  That included grades, student accounts and health care records.

I also had a provision written into the support agreement that the child/student had to maintain a certain OVERALL GPA in order to receive financial assistance on the college bill from us.  I chose OVERALL rather than per semester to allow for an occasional "bad" semester.  That way, my kids didn't have to worry about being cut off financially if they had a particularly bad semester.  My oldest son lost his contributions from his dad and I at the end of his sophomore year, due to his grades, but my youngest son will be graduating with honors in May.   

The last thing I did was to have a clause in the agreement that if my sons chose to attend a college out of state, they would be responsible for the difference in tuition between the out of state college and what it would have cost in-state up front before any income percentages were applied to the remaining balance to be split up for our contributions.  Again, my youngest son attended out of state, but earned so many grants and scholarships they more than covered his share of the bill.

[currentlywinning]

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@Anonymous wrote:

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@Booner72 wrote:

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@IOBA wrote:

My suggestions would be 

* file the grievance with CS

* file a complaint with the BBB - CS has an obligation to provide proof that they have the right to collect.

* go to court and change the court order.   No one has provided proof of actively attending school.   And you want a limit on how long this game of going to school can be played/paid.  Suggest a limit of 8 semesters total?

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Yes, I will do the grievance.  Not sure what I would BBB about though.  The same as the grievance?  The law in OR says that she can get "child" support until age 21, there is no negotiating how many semesters, etc.  It USED to be when this first started, that the "child" couldn't  turn it off and on - they went or they didn't.  Things changed, though.  Even if it does go into suspension. if she sends in the proof, they restart it.  So we're basically screwed until next December.

Regarding her moving in, that is never going to happen.  EVER.  My husband made that very clear to her when she first started this that he doesn't approve of it, she should have talked to him first, he would have helped her w/ college w/o the state being involved, and if she proceeded to continue it would be a cold day in hell before he would dole out any help to her again.  It is our opinion that she chose money over family, and for only 300 bucks!

Maybe I shoulda put this post in the "relationships and money" section.  This is certainly a topic for that section!

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Hi Booner!

Are you doubting that your step-daughter is in college? Given that this is "child support" and not the voluntary "parental merit scholarship", why are you attempting to see her grades, and obtain information from her school? Don't get me wrong, I understand that she should still be in college to be eligible for *child support*, but what's led you to believe that she ISN'T? And, presuming that she is still in school, isn't it just as possible that she runs into the same "run-around" that you get when you deal with the child support people? And, if/when she provides the proof to the CS verification people... then what? 

Here's what troubles me... On the one hand, it's yours and your DH's opinion that she chose money over family. On the other hand, isn't that what you're doing to by saying that her pursuit of child support (which she must have been deemed entitled to, and you even mentioned that DH owed back child support) would preclude you from ever "helping" her again? Does the money, doled out now, mean more than a natural parent/child relationship?

A 20 year old is, without a doubt, legally an adult. But, you'd be hard-pressed to find one who is (especially in this day and age, and especially if they're enrolled in the exceedingly expensive post-secondary educational rat race) completely, financially independent. I don't hold anyone else to my standards of when a child is expected to be out of the proverbial nest, and off the literal payroll (in very general terms, I consider that time to be sometime after 21 years of age, and very probably upwards 24 with the rising cost of a college education, and specialization). My point (I really do have one, LOL) is that, the issue of child support, whether it stays in your pocket, is freely given, or forcibly extracted should never, ever... EVER come between a parent and their child (minors or young adults). Speaking from a maternal POV, I'd find it very disturbing if my DH held a grudge against our child(ren) over financially supporting them when it is still common, reasonable, and acceptable for a parent to support their child. I just hope, for all of your sakes, that this doesn't taint what your DH & his daughter should have together. That'd be a loss that you'd be hard-pressed to quantify-- a tragedy really, that can't be measured in dollars & cents.

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+1000000

[FrugalRican]

Update, so far?

I'm intrigued.

And Booner, a lot of men don't fight the system because its set up as to where the "guardian" and child have most of the advantages.

And maybe, in a weird way, your DH might think that sending money to her might be the only connection he still has with her. I've seen it happen before, many, many times.

You said he's not even getting Father's Day cards so right now, the only thing he has is sending that money, even if she's wasting it away.

[Booner72]

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@SynnDiesel wrote:

Update, so far?

I'm intrigued.

And Booner, a lot of men don't fight the system because its set up as to where the "guardian" and child have most of the advantages.

And maybe, in a weird way, your DH might think that sending money to her might be the only connection he still has with her. I've seen it happen before, many, many times.

You said he's not even getting Father's Day cards so right now, the only thing he has is sending that money, even if she's wasting it away.

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So far so good.   She never replied to the objection so the case is no longer collecting.  They reduced the withholding of wages from 23% to 15% until the arrears are all paid. Haven't heard a word from her.  Curious to know how long ago she dropped out of college and how long we've been paying her for nothing.  I'm pretty sure she isn't going to restart this whole mess, though you never know.

[dharalex]

I have. Co- worker whose daughter graduated from hs with honors. She never bothered to apply for scholarships because she knew the courts mandated that he paid for her education! She chose an out of state private university! Smh I paid for my education, and I will expect my children to do the same. Not because I can't afford it, but because they need to learn the true value of and education. I have developed a match program as well as performance based bonuses, but I refuse to take out loans for them...

[Booner72]

That definitely sucks.  I'm sure he's divorced from her mom?  See, one of the things that peeves me the most about this "child attending school" is only children of divorced or never married parents get it.  That seems to me like some form of discrimination. 

[Booner72]

Guess what we got in the mail?  A certified letter from the little monster that she is starting the child support again.  She attached a photocopy of a STAMPED SIGNATURE from the registrar's office.

Since the law says we are to get grades, class schedule, enrollment status, and DH called today and the school wouldn't give him that info due to FEDERAL LAW, we are writing a letter objecting to this being restarted.

We are including in the letter a request to go to court, that her school records be subpoenaed, and as IOBA said, we are stating that Child Support has an obligation to prove they have a right to collect.

If it restarts, grievance.

But this time, I'm going to snap my wrist with a rubber band everytime I think about this and get all P'd off.

I have NO IDEA why she didn't respond to our objection in December.  Why did she let it stop and then 2 months later try to start it again?  She is such a little you know what that I can't believe it.

I'm going to also call a lawyer through my EAP and try to get an injunction or something to try to push off the restart.  Come December, she can't do anything to us anymore.....and even if it does restart, it's 2800 dollars, but it still is the POINT OF IT!