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I came here because YOU all will understand!
I met this guy. He seems perfect. Really. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, and find out he's a satanic puppy-killer or something, but he's not. He's smart, funny, and seems to adore me.
Problem? We went to dinner one night and he said he didn't have any money because he couldn't get his ATM card to work. Fine. I paid. I'm not one of those girls anyway (you're the MAN so you pay!), so no big deal.
Then I go over to his house and there are bills on the counter, in plain sight, with FAILURE TO PAY WILL RESULT IN REPORT TO CREDIT BUREAU......on them. Yeah.
He's going through a divorce, and it could just be that. He is an attorney and has a good job, so I'm assuming he makes a decent wage. But my whole family has money issues, and I have fought long and hard to overcome my own. I cannot deal with a relationship with someone who can't handle their finances. At least I don't think I can. I'm really torn about this.
We've only been out a few times, and I'm willing to see where this goes, but it's just giving me bad vibes. Just to clarify, I don't CARE if he has money. For the right guy I'd live in a cardboard box. It's not being able to manage money that scares me. My parents declared bk, my brothers call me to ask for money...this is just a huge red flag issue for me.
Anyone been through this with a positive ending?
You guys bring up some good points. It could be his wife's bills, and I guess I'm assuming a lot. I was also thinking, if someone had dumped me a few years ago when I was credit-clueless, it would have really upset me.
I don't think this is serious enough yet to have that "talk", but if it gets there, I definitely will.
I would just keep an eye out for symptoms....and if the time comes, then have the talk.
On the other hand, you might want to bring up what you have been thru and done for your credit just as a discussion topic and see where it goes..???? Maybe he is trainable and could use some help.
@Anonymous wrote:You guys bring up some good points. It could be his wife's bills, and I guess I'm assuming a lot. I was also thinking, if someone had dumped me a few years ago when I was credit-clueless, it would have really upset me.
I don't think this is serious enough yet to have that "talk", but if it gets there, I definitely will.
I know what its like to get dumped and rejected over money. It happend to my 6 years ago. I showed those people they were wrong about me so give him a chance to do something about it, if it is his job to do so.
I
@Anonymous wrote:I came here because YOU all will understand!
I met this guy. He seems perfect. Really. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, and find out he's a satanic puppy-killer or something, but he's not. He's smart, funny, and seems to adore me.
Problem? We went to dinner one night and he said he didn't have any money because he couldn't get his ATM card to work. Fine. I paid. I'm not one of those girls anyway (you're the MAN so you pay!), so no big deal.
Then I go over to his house and there are bills on the counter, in plain sight, with FAILURE TO PAY WILL RESULT IN REPORT TO CREDIT BUREAU......on them. Yeah.
He's going through a divorce, and it could just be that. He is an attorney and has a good job, so I'm assuming he makes a decent wage. But my whole family has money issues, and I have fought long and hard to overcome my own. I cannot deal with a relationship with someone who can't handle their finances. At least I don't think I can. I'm really torn about this.
We've only been out a few times, and I'm willing to see where this goes, but it's just giving me bad vibes. Just to clarify, I don't CARE if he has money. For the right guy I'd live in a cardboard box. It's not being able to manage money that scares me. My parents declared bk, my brothers call me to ask for money...this is just a huge red flag issue for me.
Anyone been through this with a positive ending?
Run Away
Or if you cannot bring yourself to do that, at least tell him in no uncertain terms the future of your relationship depends on a rapid and thorough transformation of his attitude towards money. But beware of making him into a Pygmalion project!
@MattH wrote:Run Away
I tend to concur. I would certainly sit him down and have the "talk" with him before investing anymore in the relationship. If you don't do it now, you will get attached to him and may make a judgement error due to the rose colored glasses of love. Get it out in the open NOW while you are still objective ! imho/ymmv/closecoverbeforestriking/laveselasmanos
contractor wrote:imho/ymmv/closecoverbeforestriking/laveselasmanos
I like the disclaimer. I read it in the really fast disclaimer-guy voice too.
PJ, I am still on the side of having that discussion with him. It's true, usually you don't want to be in the middle of a divorce. I recommend that person getting past everything, before taking it to another level. Emotions run too high during a divorce.