Dating advice

[n2win]

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@MidnightVoice wrote:

I remember the days after the pill and antibiotics, and before AIDS       

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Oh yes, I remember those well.  The bbbbaaaaaadddddd old days

[Anonymous]

I would be cautious.  First he can't pay (he explained that), but to take you to his home and unpaid bills are displayed everywhere...?  I think I would have been embarrassed.  Can he be that comfortable with you after just a few dates?  He's an attorney and knows the importance of privacy.  I think he's looking for someone to help him or to illicit sympathy.  R U N is good advice, I think. 

[Anonymous]

RUN AWAY and DON'T LOOK BACK!

The tip off is his 'inability' to put together enough money to pay for his meal.   Did he tell you before or after dinner that he didn't have money for the meal?   If he told you before that would be the correct answer.   My bet is that he told you during or after!    This is a bad sign, and won't end well.   This is the sign of a user and possibly a loser.  

Keep it moving, keep it moving.....

[ios1000]

Well you can do what you want but I will tell you this, when I met my wife, my credit was horrendous. I mean like 480. I was falling behind on my car payments by at least 60 days, maybe 90, behind on all credit cards, Discovery took me to court. I had about $20 in the bank but was making good money. My problem was meeting "the boys" every night in the bar. Spending $50-$60 a night, it adds up fast. I started spending more time at home with her, we got married, had a child. Now nine years later I am in charge of all the bills, (never late on anything) my credit score is pushing 800, just bought a house and have a few bucks in the bank. So a person can be in a world of #&%* and overcome it. Just because a person has credit problems doesn't make him/her a bad person. YES they need to do something in their life to change their ways, for some it's easy, for some it's not.

Just my story.

Good luck

On the humerous side, the fact that he's a lawyer would scare me more than the bad credit LOL

[daisyduke]

Generally speaking, men that are going through a divorce tend to not want to get into a serious relationship right away, unless they are the needy ones and that's an entirely different issue. Some divorces can take years...

I do not care for picking up dinner checks so early in the relationship.

If I were you, I would not waste another minute on this guy. Throw him back - then you can have the time to focus on finding a better match, with less problems.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are completely opposite on the financial spectrum.  We've been together now for 2 1/2 years and I'm still trying to help him overcome his "financial demons".  We were VERY open about our financial situations and our beliefs at the beginning of our relationship, but in trying to be understanding and supportive, I've come to believe that issues with money stem from something a lot deeper than just money itself.  Fear and guilt, to just name a few, are two factors that loom over my boyfriend when it comes to finances.  He has been claiming that he wants to get out of debt, but with the economy and job market being as bad as they are, he's unable to at this point...he's just getting in over his head.  Now, we're at a point in our relationship when finances are brought up in conversation, he shuts down the conversation fast.  You have to realize that if you're going to accept him in your life as a potential partner, you have to accept him for ALL he is...baggage and all.  I am struggling with what to do in our relationship, and feel the same bad vibes you do.  Don't get too comfortable in your relationship before having the talk about money and finances.  Sure, it isn't the sexiest thing to talk about but it is the top reason why married couples get a divorce.  You can learn a lot about a person just by talking about the "hard stuff".  Go into this with your eyes wide open and listen to your gut. 

My heart goes out to you...

[demi]

Cracks me up that advice is being given 1 year later...will be interesting to see what is happening.  Guess by now she should know !

[ios1000]

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@demi wrote:

Cracks me up that advice is being given 1 year later...will be interesting to see what is happening.  Guess by now she should know !

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Oh your right Demi! Good eyes LOL

[tubesock]

Your subject is "Dating advice" but it seems your real concern is money. And, it should be considering you just learned to swim, as you put it. Watch out feeling sorry or assuming anything with this guy. If you wanna know what's up...then ask.

That dinner you paid for: If he didn't have the money then, a real gentlemen would have at least offered you the money back immediately once he had a chance to get his hands on some paper.

It's easy for us women to look at things like: He's got a good job, he's handsome, etc.

Remember, even a trained lifeguard can get drowned trying to save a drowning victim's life.

Ultimately I say, have that conversation ASAP! Do it or you may regret you didn't listen to all this good advice.

[samlor]

Your issue goes well beyond your new friend's credit issues.  You stated that your family had credit issues and that you had torn yourself from this type situation.  So do you think it is a surprise that you have developed a relationship with someone who has credit issue problems and no money to pay for a McMuffin.  You see each of us replay old tapes and it is typical for you to find a way to get thrown right back into what is normal for you.  This can't be avoided unless you recognize what it is that you do and take steps to avoid this from occurring.  I think your question should have been forwarded to a therapist and not a financial advisor.  Don't rationalize your staying with Mr. Right because that is what you will do but, again, it is what you have been subconsiously, perhaps even consciously, seeking.  I bet you have ditched quite a few boyfriends with good credit along the way and have a number of valid reasons to justify their riddance.  Think about it, I am serious.  An attorney with bad credit, that is a bad combination....Run away as fast as you can and with all of your credit cards.  I am serious.