SmorgasBoard

[ObsessedwithmyFico]

I "fear" I will be a lonely old woman... I have not too long ago been divorced from a man who had no care in the world to when or if bills got paid. Could care less about credit just a mess. Didn't know all of this before..came to light after stupid me said "I do".  Anyway, you can imagine the disputes we had when his always broke self always told me to "just pay it late". Mind you, I never did, but always swore to be just as broke as he. We has a joint checking account for about 30 days until I saw he kept withdrawing and never depositing and his care note people were always calling. Claimed to be paying child support which sucked up all his money, which I found out later..he hadn't paid in over five years...*sigh**Started out with two kids, turned out to be at least four.  Never paid a single darn bill here so where did the money go?  Anyway...put his behind out..filed for divorce..final...cool beans. Found out after I put him out his car had been repo'd and he had been taking out loans without my knowledge while we were married...wth? 

Next drama.

Dated a very nice guy...but always (in every conversation) talking about how broke he was. "Baby, can you help me with......".  Asked him about his credit and credit reports, and he told me he didn't care. End of story. Won't deal with that again.

Not saying I am perfect and I'm still working on me and my credit..All my scores are in the mid 700's and I want them to stay there or go up!!  Am I just destined to meet men that are broke and don't care? 

Just my thoughts this morning.

[marty56]

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ObsessedwithmyFico wrote:

Dated a very nice guy...but always (in every conversation) talking about how broke he was.

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If that person broughyt up early on into the conversation that his was laways broke he did you a big favor since poeple not only lie about money to others they very often lie to themseleves.

Here is what I would do if I was single again (relavtive to my story) and the relationship looked liked it go somewhere.

Before we go any further I wanted you to know that in the past I had been in a very large amount of credit card debt.  For years I did nothing about it until it cost me a relationship and almost my job.  That was rock bottom enough for me to do something about it and now I am CC debt free.  I solved the prblem on my own  and these days I am still using a budget and planing  for the furure.  I montior my credit almost to the point of being an obsession.

See what they say,  If someone opened up like that to me I would take it as a cue to be honest about my situation and less face it most people here have had some type of credit problems or no someone close that has.

As if have said in other posts I think it is rude to ask someone's FICO score but people who are working on their scores but most people who are are happy to post them so that people can see that they are improving.

Some here says good FICO scores are sexy.  I say improving ones FICO scores and manageing ones credit is even sexier.

[ObsessedwithmyFico]

 Asked him about his credit and credit reports, and he told me he didn't care.

This is the part that really bothered me. I felt it was like "pay this for me so it doesn't get cut off". Not interested in the rest. If he had said he was concerned...different story.

[marty56]

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ObsessedwithmyFico wrote:

 Asked him about his credit and credit reports, and he told me he didn't care.

This is the part that really bothered me. I felt it was like "pay this for me so it doesn't get cut off". Not interested in the rest. If he had said he was concerned...different story.

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It would depend on what they said afterwards.  If they say nothing, that would be a big red flag to me.  If they say somehting like I dont seek or use credit too much and if I do I pay in full, that would be fine. 

My sister and brother-in-law are like that and they probably have perfect credit and dont care to check.  They are more focused on how their mutual funds and investments are doing and figure their spending habbits take care of their credit for them.  I tried to get them to monitor their credit in terms of ID theft but they werent interested.

I know it sucks but I would rather know up front if there are any deal-breakers with a person I am going to date and perhaps send the rest of my life.  There are many guys who do care about their credit and do manage it.  They dont have to be rich, they just have to know how to manange their credit.

[Scamp]

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ObsessedwithmyFico wrote:

Dated a very nice guy...but always (in every conversation) talking about how broke he was. "Baby, can you help me with......".  Asked him about his credit and credit reports, and he told me he didn't care. End of story. Won't deal with that again.

Good for you!!! 

No, you will NOT only meet broke losers who don't care about their credit and scores.

Depressing as it is to have this otherwise nice guy turn out to have a dealbreaker issue that killed a potential relationship, focus on how smart and strong YOU were to see the big, red warning flag and to value yourself and your own financial stability and happiness enough NOT to risk settling for or talking yourself into taking a chance on someone who clearly is too irresponsible to take care of himself and his own bills and is just looking for someone else to bail him out.

Chin up, girl!  I'm SOO proud of you for walking away from both these guys.  I know how easy it is to see all the good traits and tell yourself the negatives don't matter or that you can change them.

You deserve better, and better IS out there.  Hold out for it. 

[TheR1ch]

Where are you meeting these guys? Seems like a pattern you keep repeating. For example: If you meet these guys at the same hole in the wall bar that is frequented by losers, well chances are thats what you will get. Sometimes a change in scenery and a change in crowd could be beneficial to your love life

[PittsburgPamela]

I would run from a man I was dating if he asked me to loan him money!  I'm 45 years old and if a man in my age range couldn't handle his finances well enough to not be asking people for money then that's someone I don't want to be involved with.

I knew a man online for about 10 years, never met in person but still considered him a long-time friend and there might have been more at one point.  We had discussed finances occasionally and he knew that I was doing ok, was building up retirement funds, etc.  He then told me he was moving to Jamaica to start an internet provider company and asked me for money.  NO.  I didn't hear from him for years after that until he moved back to the states, actually to my state and moved in with his sister.

Not a couple weeks after we started chatting again he CALLED me and said that his sister kicked him out and he wanted to borrow a few thousand dollars to get an apartment, etc.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  NO, again.  Well, we aren't chatting anymore, needless to say.

This is a man in his late 40's who is still in an unstable financial state, unstable employment, asking other people to bail him out like an irresponsible 20 year old.  I know that sometimes life events happen that are out of our control but all of his financial problems are from bad decisions and actions on his part.

[ilovepizza]

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divorced from a man who had no care in the world to when or if bills got paid

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No care in the world and no guilt for building debt is definitely different from not being able to pay or having no control over spending. It is stealing with intent. The word pathological liar comes to mind. Yea you don't need that. But it is hard to meet people, anybody these days and there are more and more single people out there. Maybe not out there but single yes. I don't know where they hide? Being afraid of being alone can prevent you from meeting someone believe it or not. I don't know why it's so hard to find good people. I lost hope and decided to remain single and just went out for years to have fun and lost all desire to meet anyone. By random chance meeting a new friend on Myspace with no intent of anything something clicked after a while. Dating 4 years now. So like me someone is out there just probably fed up with looking for someone nice. The joke was there are so many pretty faces but deep in side goodness is really hard to find. Nice people yes but a true goodness thats rare. That's what I look for in people. It wasn't until last year that she saw my credit report. I was hiding it.

Message Edited by ilovepizza on 07-14-2008 01:41 AM

[ObsessedwithmyFico]

Nah. don't go to bars or the like. Met the first one through friends (lol, I might want to get new friends).

The other I had known for many years as just a friend and by all appearances seemed to have his stuff together. Appearances are deceiving. Easy to wine and dine when you're not paying any bills.

I put quotes around "fear" more to say it's just a realization I have come to not that I really fear.  My point is that I can't believe so many people just don't care about their situations (and these folks showed absolutely no interest in fixing their situations or even maybe getting a part time job to help themselves) and expect somebody to bail them out.  And I  truly find it interesting that these same people can ask for monetary assistance, but turn down free help to repair their own credit which would enable them to be more self-sufficient.

I've learned some things like I can check to see if they are paying child support or are five years in arrears.  Background checks all around cuz man can folks lie.

Message Edited by ObsessedwithmyFico on 07-14-2008 04:32 AM

[ObsessedwithmyFico]

No care in the world and no guilt for building debt is definitely different from not being able to pay or having no control over spending. It is stealing with intent. The word pathological liar comes to mind. Yea you don't need that. But it is hard to meet people, anybody these days and there are more and more single people out there. Maybe not out there but single yes. I don't know where they hide? Being afraid of being alone can prevent you from meeting someone believe it or not. I don't know why it's so hard to find good people. I lost hope and decided to remain single and just went out for years to have fun and lost all desire to meet anyone. By random chance meeting a new friend on Myspace with no intent of anything something clicked after a while. Dating 4 years now. So like me someone is out there just probably fed up with looking for someone nice. The joke was there are so many pretty faces but deep in side goodness is really hard to find. Nice people yes but a true goodness thats rare. That's what I look for in people. It wasn't until last year that she saw my credit report. I was hiding it.

Message Edited by ilovepizza on 07-14-2008 01:41 AM

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I call taking out several secret loans and never paying a dime on any of them = intent to steal.  I didn't know about them till he was long gone and I pulled his credit report due to all the collection notices coming in the mail.  The last time we spoke (over a year and a half ago), I asked him about these late payment notices that kept arriving, and he swore he had no idea what they were for. Liar.

Now mind you I'm not saying that I've always had the greatest credit scores, but I paid my bills on time (well except my disputed account with Sprint.  I just didn't know how to play the game until I found this site. Utilization on my itty bitty Cap1 cards was killing me. I had no idea about this stuff...