From my late sister's journal

[MattH]

My sister, who died in a 2007 auto accident, struggled with bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression) for over 20 years.  Many times she came close to taking her own life, but by the end she had found her niche in life as a social worker and as a member of her county's Mental Health Board.

I am spending much of this Memorial Day weekend going through the contents of her laptop, where I just found a journal entry very relevant to credit matters:

10/7/03 The Essential Contradiction

Stacks of unsorted and unopened bills on my kitchen table. A dreaded sight. I finally paid what I could, balanced my check book, then faced the possibility of bouncing some checks if I was not extra careful. Just last Friday when I opened a new account, I had found out that my credit rating was sky high. How ironic that I, someone with bipolar I disorder, had one of the highest credit ratings the teller had ever seen. Well I’m going to keep it that way: no over spending. This month was especially tough because I had a huge Visa bill and an assortment of medical bills from my last hospitalization. Though I felt overwhelmed by debt, I knew that I was luckier than many who have drained their life savings and gone deeply into debt to pay for the medical costs of their mental illness. Me, I’m only talking about a few hundred dollars of debt, which meant little more than no extra spending in the immediate future—no wine, eating out, nothing unessential, just groceries and gas for the car. One way to deal with being nearly broke is to prioritize by paying only the bills that must be sent immediately. Hold onto the ones with later due dates or give up services you can live without, like cable T.V.
Really being poor must mean no money for a therapist, though the doctor must remain at all costs if possible. Being poor means not always having enough for medications—something as essential for me as for the cancer patient. Being poor could also mean living in subsidized housing, not having enough for car repairs, etc. No wonder mentally ill clients on low or fixed incomes have such difficulties “getting it together.”

[MsKiwi]

I found her writings powerful and true. I'm sorry you lost your sister, she impresses me as a very wise person..........Someone I would like to sit and drink a coffee with and chat a bit.

Sorry for your loss and thankful you shared her thoughts.

[MattH]

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@MsKiwi wrote:

I found her writings powerful and true. I'm sorry you lost your sister, she impresses me as a very wise person..........Someone I would like to sit and drink a coffee with and chat a bit.

Sorry for your loss and thankful you shared her thoughts.

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Thank you for your comments.  Yes, my sister had some very hard-earned wisdom as a result of living in two worlds at once, as both therapist and client.  For many years she concealed her illness from most colleagues, but eventually learned that being open about her struggles made her more effective at helping others.  And she had determination that kept her going even in the dark periods (some of which were very dark periods indeed).

[Imhotrodcrazy]

MattH,

My heart goes out to you. I am sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your sister, and I am saddened to hear about her bipolar disorder.  I was married to a woman for 41 yrs with bipolar disorder.  People who live normal lives, and worry about just the basics of living don't  know how blessed they are.  Those who suffer with bipolar have a very difficult time with their lives,  living between the highs, ( being manic ), and the lows, ( being depressed ).  As you know, the rest of the family also has to live with those problems too.  But we go on, not because we want to, but because we need to, because we love that person and want to help them.  My condolences to you and your family.  May your sister rest in peace now. 

Message Edited by Imhotrodcrazy on 05-24-2009 08:01 PM

[MattH]

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@Imhotrodcrazy wrote:

MattH,

My heart goes out to you. I am sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your sister, and I am saddened to hear about her bipolar disorder.  I was married to a woman for 41 yrs with bipolar disorder.  People who live normal lives, and worry about just the basics of living don't  know how blessed they are.  Those who suffer with bipolar have a very difficult time with their lives,  living between the highs, ( being manic ), and the lows, ( being depressed ).  As you know, the rest of the family also has to live with those problems too.  But we go on, not because we want to, but because we need to, because we love that person and want to help them.  My condolences to you and your family.  May your sister rest in peace now. 

Message Edited by Imhotrodcrazy on 05-24-2009 08:01 PM

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Thank you.  Such words mean a lot.

[fishbjc]

Very prolific writings.  Many people write off people who are bi-polar, but they too have something to offer the world, usually something wonderful if you keep your heart and ears open.

My condolences on the loss of your sister.  I lost mine many years ago and I think about her everyday.