SmorgasBoard

[KevinB]

My favorite one for telemarketers is:

I listen for a minute and then I say that my horoscope said not to make any important decisions today or I say "hold on" and then come back and say "My magic 8-ball said that "signs are not good for a sale"...


Then there is always the old standby, "I don't live here, I'm just robbing the place and I hate it when the phone rings"...

My all time favorite is still "The aliens are going to be picking me up any day now and taking me back to their planet. Do you have service (or can you send mail there?"


Kevin

[myhearts07]

Me:  Hello

Them:  Yes, is XXXXX there?

Me:  Who? She no live here

Them:  Can you tell me how to get in touch with her?

Me:  She no live here, you unna stan English?

Them:  Can I leave a message or phone number for her to call me back at should you see her?

ME:  She no live here, you idiot, so how I give her message?

Them:  Click

[Noah_Bodie]

http://www.getmoredone.com/tips12.html
http://www.fakecrap.com/funfree/telemarketers.html
http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/advice/20031107a1.asp
http://www.mendhak.com/humor/show.php?id=60

I have GOT to try this one!
http://www.ojar.com/view_17501.htm

Choose a character from a movie you've seen and know well. Several I can recommend that most folks can pull off are:

• Jeff Spicoli (Sean Jenn in "Fast Times At Ridgemont High" )
• Colonel Jessep (Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men" )
• Ignatowski (Christopher Lloyd in "Taxi" )
• Tony Montana (Al Pacino in "Scarface" )--Actually, Al Pacino from most of his flicks is a great character to try out.

[billiards]

I've used the one about braile newspapers. I own a furniture restoration company that also sells pool tables. So, I've also used the one about selling to them before they start selling to me. BLOODY CARPETS!!! that one's GREAT!! MORE MORE!!!!!

[Noah_Bodie]

I just Opted In.

www.optoutprescreen.com

I so want CCC telemarketers to call me.

"So, umm, if I apply, how would I go about paying my bill when it comes?" They respond. "Hmmm, I see. Well, my reason for asking is you see I've got a bunch of Disney Dollars."

"So, ah, in theory, I mean, just hypothetically speaking and all, if I filed for bankruptcy, would I still have to pay you the balance on the card? Again, just a hypothetical here."

"I can pay the bill in full with an IOU, right? I mean that's legally binding and all. There won't be any interest."

"Can you guarantee me that when I call customer service I will be connected with someone in Bangalore? You see I follow cricket, and I was hoping I'd be able to call up and find out the scores anytime."

"My probation officer said I have to list him as a joint account holder. Otherwise he's gonna violate me and send me back inside."

"Can I add my wife to the card as an authorized user?" They respond. "OK, great. Now, what if I also add my girlfriend to the card as an authorized user. Is there any way that my wife would be able to call up, review the charges made, or see the names of other authorized users?"

"Do I have to use my own social security number when I apply, or can it be someone else's?"

[Timothy]

"Can I add my wife to the card as an authorized user?" They respond. "OK, great. Now, what if I also add my girlfriend to the card as an authorized user. Is there any way that my wife would be able to call up, review the charges made, or see the names of other authorized users?"

I love this one.....

[Pants]

I blasted music in someone's ear as loud as I could.

After I said I would like time to think about it. The person responded with "we are only allowed to call you with this deal once. If you refuse today we can't call you again.".. I said OK well. I don't have a checkbook or credit card on me. It is in my car and my wife took the car to work. I REALLY didn't have a way to pay them.

Next day I saw the same number show up on my caller ID and I blasted them with music. It was very loud. Maybe not the right thing to do. If they told me they couldn't offer this deal to me EVER again. I would assume they wouldn't call again. Right?

Maybe blasting loud music isn't the right thing to do. Considering these people are already low paid, and put up with enough crap.

[HouseHunter]

---

Pants wrote:

Maybe blasting loud music isn't the right thing to do. Considering these people are already low paid, and put up with enough crap.

---

They put up with enough crap?  They dish out their fair share and then some.  Even the halfway nicer ones can be total jerks when they want to be.  It takes a certain kind of person to do that job and the majority found their calling.

[ilovepizza]

Tell them you are very interested but you don't have time right now. Ask them for their home phone number so you can call them later that night at 10pm to discuss the product.

They usually say they are not working after 10pm. Then you say but I thought you wanted to help me with this product you are selling me. They will usually say well I only take calls at work, and I don't want you calling my house. Then you can say, see how it feels. Surprisingly they don't hang up. I get a few apologies. Then I said remove.

[kmm72471]

OH! Those are ALL great! I love the one about the wife & the girl friend. Priceless!