turn on suggestions
Auto-suggest helps you quickly narrow down your search results by suggesting possible matches as you type.
My 24 year old daughter has always lived with me. She had a daughter 8 years ago and I have supported them all along, she has worked sporadically. She then met and married an Army man a couple of years ago right before he was deployed to Kuwait. She had a son 11 months ago. So... they had been saving for a house and they have about $20k saved. He came home a couple of months ago and they were supposed to be moving to Washington state.
I have bought new furniture that is still in the boxes waiting for them to move out, they can take the furniture I am replacing with them. I have bought new table linens, cookware, tableware, everything that I want to replace that children (her and the kids) have been hard on. I was excited about getting my home in order. She got a Great Dane even thought she KNEW that I did not want a dog here and he has ruined the Japanese garden that I toiled to create.
Well, she told me tonight that he is being deployed again in August. 
I don't want to be selfish but I have spent my life taking care of and supporting others. I wanted something for me, some time for me. I have never, ever, lived alone. I wanted to get my house in order, to not have someone else creating a mess, breaking things, scratching things.
I don't want to be selfish but I have spent my life taking care of and supporting others. I wanted something for me, some time for me. I have never, ever, lived alone. I wanted to get my house in order, to not have someone else creating a mess, breaking things, scratching things.I told her tonight that since he is leaving again that he will need to get a storage space for his two cars, two motorcycles, big black cases he had shipped here from Kuwait, and a garage of STUFF. I tolerated it to help them save for a house but he is being irresponsible and spending many thousands for cr@p for his car. Every time they have an argument he gets online and buys stuff, says he'll just spend all the money then!
I've done enough all these years, feel like I have put my life on hold for her, and I am through. My house is a mess, kitchen is a mess, can't even open the laundry room door all the way because of the piles of clothes, my office is a mess because she lets the baby pull all the books of my shelves when she's in there on the computer, my garage is full of his stuff, car, motorcycles and I can't park my SUV in there. We even got a notice from the city about a "non working" car in the driveway and told to move it. It works... it has just been sitting there for two years. Add to that my daughter's truck and the little car they got for her to commute to her night job.
I have just had it! On one hand I feel guilty about how I feel but on the other I HAVE HAD IT! I want them out of my house.
Storage is fair. The auto sitting for 2 years is not so fair unless you have land to stick it away. Maybe they could sell the unused vehicles and big toys. You sound like a great mom. Two years. I live life as a minimalist. I hate clutter. What I do is designate a specif amount of space for my junk and what doesn't fit gets sold or tossed. And what fits I keep until I need to make room for something else and then I have to give up something to make room for it. This way things might get messy but never over taking beyond that space. I understand exactly how you feel. Storage is a great suggestion. That's how I learned to become a minimalist. Storage costs money. After a while I looked at the value of my stuff as cost per sq foot. Once I did that lots of stuff got sold/donated/tossed. 
Hope this helps. As far as kids in the office that is a complete no no in my house. Everywhere else is ok but my office is off limits. I have another computer for people to use in the other room. It is ok to share but you still need personal space. My office is my personal space.
Hope this helps. As far as kids in the office that is a complete no no in my house. Everywhere else is ok but my office is off limits. I have another computer for people to use in the other room. It is ok to share but you still need personal space. My office is my personal space.
Sounds like it's time for tough love. They both need to grow up, and as long as you're being so "helpful", they have no reason to.
He's old enough to wear his country's uniform and be in combat, and she's old enough to be married and have two kids. (And a lot of Stuff.) Time for base housing for them. There are a lot of very young wives (and husbands) with small children in military housing, who don't really know how to run a household or bring up their children, and there's a support system to help them.
You've done your part and more over the years. It's an act of love for you to now insist that they find their own place to live and start to function as adults.
I've got one gone, except for weekend laundry, and two more in school but with no sign (so far) of wanting to move back home, so my fingers are crossed! I always threatened that when the last one graduated, I'd move to a houseboat with a dog, a cat, a potted plant, and a shotgun, and anchor out in the middle of the lake. Visits only with prior permission, and for no more than two nights, please.
Stand your ground, don't feel guilty, and good luck!
He's old enough to wear his country's uniform and be in combat, and she's old enough to be married and have two kids. (And a lot of Stuff.) Time for base housing for them. There are a lot of very young wives (and husbands) with small children in military housing, who don't really know how to run a household or bring up their children, and there's a support system to help them.
You've done your part and more over the years. It's an act of love for you to now insist that they find their own place to live and start to function as adults.
I've got one gone, except for weekend laundry, and two more in school but with no sign (so far) of wanting to move back home, so my fingers are crossed! I always threatened that when the last one graduated, I'd move to a houseboat with a dog, a cat, a potted plant, and a shotgun, and anchor out in the middle of the lake. Visits only with prior permission, and for no more than two nights, please.
Stand your ground, don't feel guilty, and good luck!
What hauling said...Amen!!!
haulingthescoreup wrote:
Sounds like it's time for tough love. They both need to grow up, and as long as you're being so "helpful", they have no reason to.
He's old enough to wear his country's uniform and be in combat, and she's old enough to be married and have two kids. (And a lot of Stuff.) Time for base housing for them. There are a lot of very young wives (and husbands) with small children in military housing, who don't really know how to run a household or bring up their children, and there's a support system to help them.
You've done your part and more over the years. It's an act of love for you to now insist that they find their own place to live and start to function as adults.
I've got one gone, except for weekend laundry, and two more in school but with no sign (so far) of wanting to move back home, so my fingers are crossed! I always threatened that when the last one graduated, I'd move to a houseboat with a dog, a cat, a potted plant, and a shotgun, and anchor out in the middle of the lake. Visits only with prior permission, and for no more than two nights, please.
Stand your ground, don't feel guilty, and good luck!
Yikes, where did all of your Aloha go! LOL
haulingthescoreup wrote:
Sounds like it's time for tough love. They both need to grow up, and as long as you're being so "helpful", they have no reason to.
He's old enough to wear his country's uniform and be in combat, and she's old enough to be married and have two kids. (And a lot of Stuff.) Time for base housing for them. There are a lot of very young wives (and husbands) with small children in military housing, who don't really know how to run a household or bring up their children, and there's a support system to help them.
You've done your part and more over the years. It's an act of love for you to now insist that they find their own place to live and start to function as adults.
I've got one gone, except for weekend laundry, and two more in school but with no sign (so far) of wanting to move back home, so my fingers are crossed! I always threatened that when the last one graduated, I'd move to a houseboat with a dog, a cat, a potted plant, and a shotgun, and anchor out in the middle of the lake. Visits only with prior permission, and for no more than two nights, please.
Stand your ground, don't feel guilty, and good luck!
Tough aloha!
fused wrote:
Yikes, where did all of your Aloha go! LOL
Seriously, no one ever moved to a better place (spiritually, emotionally) without going through some heartbreaks and growing pains in the process. Duck challenges and stay stuck in a rut, or accept them, fight your way through, and be a better person. I'm really glad that I'm not the person I was in my mid-20's.
Today's sermon is now over.
Ditto for hauling...if they can afford toys, they can afford rent. You have been a great mom, but eventually your daughter needs to be bumped out of the nest. If hubby is going to continue in the military, they are going to need to learn to live that way.
Yeh, tough love...I didn't move out of Mom's until 27...except for college.
Starting Score: EQ 679, TU 697
myFICO is the consumer division of FICO. Since its introduction 20 years ago, the FICO® Score has become a global standard for measuring credit risk in the banking, mortgage, credit card, auto and retail industries. 90 of the top 100 largest U.S. financial institutions use the FICO Score to make consumer credit decisions.
>> About myFICO
FOLLOW US 
SUBSCRIBE TO myFICO EMAIL 