Should I marry a woman with credit with the ex-husband issues??

[Anonymous]

Just found out the woman I'm engaged to has credit issues with her ex-husband.Turns out the ex-husband opened two credit cards in my fiancee's name without her knowledge,there is a balance on them.Here is the question,when we get married,can the creditors come after my fiancee or me if the ex does'nt pay off these credit cards.I'm nervous about not having control over someone else besides my future wife and myself,when it comes to finacial issues.I have spent 5 years building my credit to a 794 FICO and would like to one day buy a house.HELP!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

i personally think if this makes you stop and think, don't marry her.  there HAS to be something else wrong besides her being the victim of a crime.  it looks to me like the house is more important than her.  if my DF had his identity stolen i'd stay with him and offer any help and support i could provide and our july 4th wedding would definitely still be a go.

also, now i don't know you and i'm not 100% sure exactly how you meant it, i have issues with how you use the word control.  i'm really trying not to judge but it just came off creepy to me.

[Anonymous]

Well here's another way of saying what I'm trying to say.My Fiancee has $5500 of cc debt that I'm willing to help her pay off before and after we get married,I don't have a problem helping her with debt that is hers.I must admit I'm nervous about not knowing what could happen in the future,from someone(the ex)This guy can run these cards up then not pay them,this would then come down on my Fiancee(Wife by then)and could indirectly affect me also.I will say this much,I watch my credit very closely and don't have a problem with anything that my future wife could do to hurt us finacially.I do have a problem with knowing that her ex could run some credit up and my future wife and myself would be left holding the bag.Hopefully I don't sound as creepy,lol lol.

[Anonymous]

i'm sure you're not creepy 

look at it this way, and god forbid should any of this really happen

she could be shot, can't work, bills pile up, she could be the victim of a terrorist attack, she could be in a horrible car accident with an underinsured driver, a tornado or hurricane could strike, she could be sued for a totally frivolous reason and lose.

all these horrible things, and then some, could happen and you have absolutely no control over it, that's generally how life works.

now, she should immediately call the police on this scumbag and do what she needs to do to protect herself.  if she, for some reason, doesn't want to get him in trouble then i would have a long, serious, stern conversation with her.

[Anonymous]

If someone other than your fiance opened credit in her name, without her knowledge or her consent, then she's the victim of a crime. The safest way to protect herself, and both of you (after you're married) is to file a police report, place fraud alerts with all three bureaus, contact the OCs, request the "fraud" department, request the paperwork that will begin the journey of disassociating herself with these accounts, and allowing the criminal (the Ex) to be held responsible.

Leave the guilty party to hold the bag, that way your fiance won't have to. Nor, will the baggage be dragged into your future legal union where you both could be held responsible.

I think the more relevant question is are you certain that a crime has been committed? Are you absolutely, 210% certain that she knew nothing about these accounts? Or, is it a possibility that she did know about them, agreed to them being opened, and now wants an out? Perhaps the Ex can't afford to PIF, and she knows that she is legally liable?

[Anonymous]

Yea the Fiancee and myself had a talk last night,I asked her to contact the ex,have the accounts put in his name only.Then she can put a fraud alert on her name/ss# that way there's a credit freeze that keeps this from happening again.As much as I'm for teaching the ex a lessen,my Fiancee has her 11 year old son living with the ex in another state and for the welfare of the child, I would'nt want to create a bad relationship between my Fiancee, the son and the ex.My Fiancee asked me again this morning about the situation and I said I would'nt feel comfortable with getting married, when her ex can at anytime(,he can be spiteful at times)do something without regard to my Fiancee.This just seems like a loose end that can be very easily tied up,before we tie the knot in the July/August timeframe.Thanks a lot for your advice about this,its giving another point of view besides my own.

[Anonymous]

I understand the DF does not want to harm her relationship with the ex because of the child.

What I would do is see if the ex could/would PIF all the cards.  Then DF could either take his name off the card or close the card.

If ex can not or will not PIF then DF has to make a hard choice, to close the card with a balance on it.  Therefore at least no more can be charged on it.  In the meantime she needs to take ex's name off immediately.  So he can not keep charging it up.

She needs to make sure to look at all three credit reports to see what accounts are open.  She should also put a freeze on all three to keep anyone from opening more accounts in her name.

IMHO I'm not sure I would let ex get by with this, if she truely did not know he opened these accounts.  I just feel if he did this once he would do it again esp. if he gets by with it.  Again just my thoughts,   Good Luck Vicki

Message Edited by greyhound2007 on 01-27-2009 06:58 PM

[Anonymous]

ah i see.  kids involved.  that makes a difference.

i feel bad for you guys and it kinda sounds like this guy wants to be a Edited! and will do so under any means necessary.

i have no further decent advice considering my cuppycake and myself have 0 children.

i will say good luck and really think about it, pray if you're so inclined, and i hope this works out good for you

I know you didn't spell out the entire profanity, but please, lets keep the language clean. Thank you!

--fused, myfico moderator

Message Edited by fused on 01-27-2009 10:16 AM

[Anonymous]

   Thanks for all the sound advice,I really love my Fiancee and feel as though I've found the most beautiful person inside and out,she's just not assertive about money issues,I'm the opposite,lol lol.I figured I did'nt want anything that would create a strain between us.The relationship between her and the ex is a contentious one as it is.Thanks again for all the great advice.Kevin C

[haulingthescoreup]

Does she have any kind of ongoing contact with an attorney from the divorce? Do things get periodically revisited?

I completely understand the feeling she must have of her son being held hostage in a way, but she needs to let him know that he has 5 business days to remove her from any credit he opened, or she will file a police report. It's bad enough being manipulated by someone while you're married; it's intolerable after a divorce.