What would you do? Nothing with credit/fico/board normals

[Anonymous]

As some know, horrible divorce happened here. Ex refuses to do what is ordered or just morally correct. So here is the what would you do question:

His parents don't live anywhere near us and I have always encouraged a relationship between them and that family and our children even after they said they wouldn't help or get involved with their son not doing the responsible thing. We skyped, messaged and I sent daily pictures for them to be involved in addition to other family members on that side. They also asked that I not block them and I am not that way and said I never would. 2 weeks before Christmas I find out ex is on parents accounts and the entire family blocks me. Fast forward 3 months and I get 1 call out of the blue we missed on a childs birthday. Nothing else for another month. So, do I reach out, send them something cute in the mail made by my children or leave it alone since they cut contact with us?

[Anonymous]

If they’ve blocked you, I’d say leave it. They’ve indicated they wish no contact.

[Anonymous]

I think you should consider, then do what is best for the children. Divorce sucks, but the kids aren't culpable at all.

[A1Credit]

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@Anonymouswrote:

I think you should consider, then do what is best for the children. Divorce sucks, but the kids aren't culpable at all.

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I would leave it alone but be open if they reached out. But I’m a person that is not going to “beg” a person to do something. I would just try to explain it to my children the best way I could if they should ask. 

[Anonymous]

I will always be open, I am tired of chasing after people trying to get them to stay involved. I was truly surprised by being blocked especially when they asked me to not keep the family from the children and maintained a daily sending of pictures and videos.

I guess I wanted opinions because I want to do the right thing which is to maintain contact, but am tired of being walked all over and treated like we are only important when that side wants us to be. And maybe they will come around again. I had a moment where I didn't want anything to do with anyone to and asked for forgiviness. Maybe this is their moment.

Maybe it is also me just being hurt by it all to.

[A1Credit]

You have done the right thing and made great efforts, now it is time for them to reciprocate. You should not be the only one reaching out, as it takes more than one person to maintain a relationship. 

You deserve happiness and a peace of mind, not stressing over this situation. I’m sure the divorce was stressful enough. 

[Anonymous]

Thank You

[bass_playr]

My wife has been through somewhat similar issues.  Her ex walked out on them when ther daughter was almost 3, she caught him with another woman.  

So, her daughter's 21 now.  Her father has never been involved in her life for anything more than superficial things.  His way of trying to show that he loves her was to buy her things and make every promise under the sun and moon, and break every single one of them.  He lived 20 minutes away from her, but her childhood was an endless series of events where she was all excited that he was coming to pick her up for a weekend, only to end up crying because he blew her off again.  By the way, I dont care what blood says, this is my oldest daughter and I could not be more proud of her.

Through the whole time, I couldnt stand how he treated her.  But momma knew best, and she always kept to the policy that truth would not be sacrificed for the sake of preventing hurt feelings.  We would keep things age appropriate, but our daughter grew up to be a beautiful, strong woman, sure of her identity and value.  She also grew up knowing which people in her family she could count on--and which ones she could not.  I even spoke with the guy myself one time, and told him that I was totally happy to work together with him, that I was not trying to take his place.  He still blew her off, and still does to this day.  But we never closed that door for him.  We did not open it much either--we did not chase after him.  The choice was left in his hands.  

One day, a couple years ago, we were at home and our daughter was there for a visit.  through the conversation, she told me that her father will always be her father, but that I was always "daddy" to her.  Greatest thing she's ever said to me.  So proud of who she is.  

Anyway, thats what worked for us.  Truth was never sacrificed, but we made sure not to bash him to our daughter.  And while the door was always open for him to step up, we never chased after him.  It was not easy, but the end results are really great.  I hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

I needed to read that yesterday morning. It helped soothe my growing restlessness. Thank you for sharing and thank everyone for taking time to share your thoughts. I really needed the calming input.

[Anonymous]

lock the doors, change the phone numbers just don't bother OP if they really gave a bleep block would have never happen. ... I've done the first part before while it's hard emotionally you will get better at it over time be strong.