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Established Contributor
Posts: 785
Registered: ‎04-24-2014

Re: When your parenting skills just become abusive


japakar wrote:

May catch some flak but that does not seem that bad to me.  She got whipped with a cord, thats not that bad.  Bleeding from a whip is a little extreme but its most likely on surface and no permanent injury, she didnt belittle or talk down in the story which is what I consider abuse.  She freaked out because she asked her daughter to do something and she didnt, possibly causing major harm to an infant in the house because she forgot.  The mom just was pissed off the kid didnt listen.  

 

I dont hit my kids, never will and have never done so.  That being said, I got the crap kicked out of me growing up.  You backtalk to your mom?  Grab a spatula and shes gonna break it on you or any kind of swingable object.  Backtalk to your mom and did it again after you got smacked?  Well then your dad is going to be told when he gets up and he doesnt need a spatula :smileytongue:   I actually believe its a good thing.  Without consequence for our actions I believe you dont grow up right.   Kids these days have zero to no consequence for anything they do.  I have a hard time not yelling at my daughters boyfriends to get out of the house when they come over.  Theres no respect at all and they do what they want.

 

Theres a huge leap from hitting your kid for not listening to abusing and killing a child.  To me this falls far short of abuse.  Shes probably fed, not locked in a cage or a closet not beaten daily for NO reason at all.  She got spanked because she didnt listen.


And there you have the problem.  Giving a kid a spanking, is not abuse.  Whipping a kid til they bled or have bruises all over them is.  You can give a kid consequences without abusing them. Not paying attention to the gravity of the parent's reaction, because the kid did something wrong is rediculous.  This story fis the adage "two wrongs, don't make a right." 

 

Kids are kids and people are people. No person does something everytime you tell them.  My husband doesn't remember to take out the trash.  When my kids were coming up, they didn't always remember to wash dishes at night. I didn't wake either of them up by hitting them. Eventually you say  "stop and do it now." or find some other method to make sure it gets done.  Rarely is the method hitting .  

 

Spankings are usually used for big offenses, not forgetting to do your chores.  Perhaps, because all of us get busy and forget or neglect to do something every once in a while. Yiou want the consequences to fit the crime. Otherwise you don't have lessons learned, you have a child who's in constant fear of what will make a parent snap this time.



Current Score: EX 839 EQ 794:TU 792 on 7/4/14; EQ from myfFico on 6-26-14
Starting Score: EX 751 EQ 720 TU 737 on 4/9/14
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Frequent Contributor
Posts: 309
Registered: ‎05-21-2014

Re: When your parenting skills just become abusive

Yeah to the point of bleeding was excessive.

 

Forgetting dishs and leaving bleach out with a baby are slightly different but I agree with you.  

 

Most people these days say spankings are abuse.  Growing up neither of my parents could punish one of my sisters because the first thing out of her mouth was Ill call the cops if you yell at me or touch me.  Nothing ever came of it of course even tho she did call a few times, she just grew up without any kind of punishment.  Its amazing the difference between all of us kids.  You have one who cant do anything but the right thing, one free spirit hippy and one who just makes bad decisions one after the other.

 

Egh :smileyhappy:  Have a good morning, im off the site for today time to go home from work :smileyhappy:



FAKO's - EX 717 - EQ 692 - TU(Vantage3.0) 669 - FICO's - Ex 08' 672 - TU 666 - No EQ - Started at low 500s.
Established Contributor
Posts: 785
Registered: ‎04-24-2014

Re: When your parenting skills just become abusive

[ Edited ]

japakar wrote:

Yeah to the point of bleeding was excessive.

 

Forgetting dishs and leaving bleach out with a baby are slightly different but I agree with you.  

 

Most people these days say spankings are abuse.  Growing up neither of my parents could punish one of my sisters because the first thing out of her mouth was Ill call the cops if you yell at me or touch me.  Nothing ever came of it of course even tho she did call a few times, she just grew up without any kind of punishment.  Its amazing the difference between all of us kids.  You have one who cant do anything but the right thing, one free spirit hippy and one who just makes bad decisions one after the other.

 

Egh :smileyhappy:  Have a good morning, im off the site for today time to go home from work :smileyhappy:


True that, but ask yourself what was the likely reason the bleach was out.  In my experience, kids don't clean with bleach and there aren't that many reasons for bleach to be open-- without the instruction or request of a parent.  

 

Also parents like your mom was unaware that they could still spank their kids and thought any whipping was abuse. That is not true.  In fact the code says something like "pain to the point of torture."  Many people, including some social services people, don't bother to read the definiton of what is considered "Whipping" in the social services code.  Everyone thinks they know what it means and don't bother to read what it means.  

 

However, even the social workers, who don't bother to read the codes, don't remove kids for spanking/whippings.  They simply believe they know better than what the chart tells them is a reason to remove a child.  If they just read the deffinitions from their chart the social workers and people, who  are on the receiveing end of their calls, would feel better. Everyone would have been better served if the term "beattings" was used instead of "whippings."  

 

I grew up in a family where whippings were used for all the kids and still all three of us turned out different. My older sister is the one who acts as if consequences weren't meant for her.  Before she passed away, she would use my name, whenever she got stopped by cops, and says she forgot her license.  Unfortunately, she would also give them the wrong addres so I'd never even realize I had a ticket until it became a warrant.  I finally got to the point where I simply checked my record annually to make sure nothing new was on it. There has always been some people who make bad decisions regardless of how their raised.



Current Score: EX 839 EQ 794:TU 792 on 7/4/14; EQ from myfFico on 6-26-14
Starting Score: EX 751 EQ 720 TU 737 on 4/9/14
Goal Score: 800+ on all three Bureaus
Garden since 11/26/14 -- In the garden until 6/2016

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