Established Contributor
Posts: 619
Registered: ‎09-26-2011
Why doesn't he get it? Venting.

The question of the ages, it would seem.  My estranged spouse handed me the finances when we married as he worked and I stayed at home, so had "time".  That was fine except he DIDN'T work 3-4 months out of the year.  When he was young and single, that worked for him, but when he had a family to support, not so much.  It never did quite sink in that feeding a family was quite a bit more pricey than feeding himself, not to mention all of the other falderal that goes along with kids.  Fast forward to a time when I finally came to grips with the fact that he was not going to change his work situation, so something had to give. I went back to school and got a job that moved me (and the kids) away. It was supposed to be a short-term gig, but turned into a career.  I've been slowly cutting the ties in the finances and last December, asked for a separation agreement and a promissory note to buy me out of my half of the marital home.  He signed, but wasn't very happy about it.  I helped him set up his own personal checking account and gave him a budget so he would know what was coming out of auto-pay.  He does have a personality disorder and we do have kids, so I'm trying to slowly pull the threads to split the seam, so to speak, rather than yank it apart.


Every month, he wants to know what I am spending the child support/promissory note money on.  He seems to think that I should be pumping that money back into paying HIS bills, forgetting that I am the one maintaining a household here with the children (whom he never calls, writes, etc), providing them with everything, including insurance, orthodontia, etc.


Right now, the only thing still between us is the mortgage on the marital home (he can't refi due to his bad credit) and our cell phone plan which I include in HIS budget as a reminder that the kids have them and he can call or text every once in awhile.  Part of me says I should just pick up the phone bill, too, to get him off my back, but part of me says, doggone it, he can shut up and worry about money for once. 


Short of outright divorcing him or being harsh, any suggestions how to handle the situation? For reference, phone bill = 1/3 of child support amount.

Starting Score: 10/1/2011 EQ 568 TU 593
Current Score: EQ 664 TU 700 EX 701 (FAKO)