There is a difference between enabling and "teaching."

From personal experience my recommendations are  1.  Read "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie.

                                                                                     2.  Go to therapy.

                                                                                     3. If the personality disorder includes drinking or drugs,which they do in most cases,  then go to an Alanon Meeting ASAP.

There's no shame in learning the skills you need to set boundaries and learn to live without guilt.  Your kids are watching how this goes down.

GOOD LUCK!!  Sounds very hard.