Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...
08-10-2012 09:44 AM
Perhaps your wife is coming from the school of thought that marriage = joint finances. Maybe her parents did it that way? In terms of marriage finances, IMO whatever floats your boat and works...joint finances all the way, separate and joint for household, completely separate.
Full disclosure DH and run joint checking, he carries mortgage, we are joint on auto and LOC and have separate CCs. Works for us, YMMV.
What I am getting out of this is it's more what you use the hidden account for rather than the account itself. Yes, it worries me that you feel as if you have to have a hidden account, however I have a feeling that the reasoning for that goes deeper than what you can/care to articulate. Which is fine, it is your business. I think you are worried about the gambling/gentleman's club visits becoming an issue if you have to come clean about the account as your wife may object. I doubt she would be as upset if you just used it for her presents. I know if DH had a separate account for that as long as the bills were paid I wouldn't care a whit.
So, if it's purpose rather than the account itself, are these hobbies worth the marital damage (assuming she would object to them)? Or are you hanging on to them as you seem to miss your independence?
Not pointing fingers, just asking questions that I hope will help you put the pieces together in your own head. At the end of the day you know your wife and marriage better than we all do. Best of luck!
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