Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011
Re: GF problems

Definitely deal with this now.  Divorces and weddings are very expensive and if you are already dealing with this now, it will only progress and get worse.  If she won't come up with a fair way to deal with this (financial advisor/counselor can be the mediator) then get your finances separate and protect yourself.  Do not get any joint debt with her anymore.

 

GOOD LUCK!

 

(I want to go back in time and choke my younger self for the stupid financial mistakes I made with boyfriends).  Don't be that way 20 years from now!

STARTING: 11/24/10 EQ-584 EXP-648 TU04-595
CLOSED FIRST HOME 8/19/11 EQ-630 EXP-691 TU04-653
CURRENT: EQ-701 EXP-??? TU08-720
Frequent Contributor
novabama
Posts: 305
Registered: ‎08-24-2012
Re: GF problems

I totally 100th what all of these posters have advised. If she doesn't come around after a serious talk, you need to get out now. When I was 18, I "knew" about credit somewhat and knew I need to pay off and on time. Well the apt my bf and I lived in was only in my name because he couldn't get an apt (should have been my first sign but love really is blind I guess), so when I got pregnant (LIKE PREVIOUS poster mentioned) I had all these bills when he left and wouldn't take care of them. 

 

Moral of the story is I got screwed over young by someone who didn't want the responsibility of bills (3 years older than me...) and I took them on and also let them buy things they "had" to have. Now, I just turned 24 and have a 5 year old and still no money from ex worse half, and am trying to scramble to fix all the awful things on my credit related to the time with him... not to mention the chexsystems ding because of an account that he overdrew (joint--DUMB), that I didn't have the money to pay after the fact, because to my knowledge it was a 0 balance, no access anymore and I had my own checking account by that point.

 

DOUBLE GOOD LUCK!!!


Goal Score: 640 Good things come to those who wait.
Good things come to those who work their butt off and never give up.

Removals - Asset Acceptance, Receivable Solutions, LVNV Funding, Enhanced Recovery, Credit Systems Int, Discover Financial, Amchek/Amsher, Financial Adj Services, Chase, Target, AFNI, RJM, Portfolio Rec!
Moderator Emerita
Community Leader
Epic Contributor
haulingthescoreup
Posts: 28,098
Registered: ‎04-01-2007
Re: GF problems

rootpooty wrote:

drkaje wrote:

This is a problem easily fixed.


+1

 

OP seems your gf lives in the fantasy land that money grows on trees and your the one stressing over it.  And what do you mean you "have" to let her buy something?  Does she threaten to break up with you or something?  What are her parent's input on this?  If her mother has the attitude that you should be providing for her well then my word to you would be bounce now.

 

Your only 21 and you have perfect credit now that can be EASILY destroyed by her in seconds


The only thing that I (barely) disagree with on this entire thread is that she's living in a fantasy land, where money grows on trees.

 

In fact, the way it's working now is that money DOES grow on trees, and you're the forester, and it's your job to make this money come out of nowhere.

 

Maybe she's just immature, or maybe in fact she knows (on some level) exactly what she's doing and she's a user, but either way, this isn't a balanced, mature relationship, and you're being used.

 

--and I seriously worry about the bit about "Brandon and HIS credit card bills." I'm sorry, she sounds like someone who at a minimum lies to others, and maybe also lies to herself. Neither is a good sign.

 

Best wishes, but do take care of yourself. Truly loving people want only the best for each other, and work to make that happen. If only one of you is doing that, there are some serious problems going on, which need to be dragged out under the 100-watt bulb and examined.

 

* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
Blogger
FrugalRican
Posts: 2,876
Registered: ‎02-02-2012
Re: GF problems

Brother, let me tell you something...

 

This isn't going to get better as time goes on.

Apparently she's still stuck in high school... and guess what, so are you.

 

That might sound harsh, but it's intended to be this way. If you are not looking forward to a life of you two living like this, then as drkaje implied, there's one easy way to be done with this. There are a million more women out there that are willing, ready, and able to be a bit more "frugal" than your current girlfriend is. I get the whole highschool sweetheart thing, but it's causing you more stress than anything else. Realize that a LOT of divorces and unhappy marriages have at the root... the problem of finances, and you are heading into that territory. Clearly, she has no respect for you when it comes to financials (as noted by how she pegs the debt as just YOURS and she can spend at will and you won't say anything). At this point, you are enabler even if you don't directly do so.

 

You might need to move on.

Just as I did once. I had to maintain another person for YEARS and all it did was create resentment. She'd have a checking account with nothing but 40 dollars to her name and come back with a new pair of shoes while that was 40 dollars less I could count on to help pay the rent. I would get mad at her, tell her about it, tell her to stop doing it... and then next month she'd do it again. I didn't realize I was enabling the behavior even though I was against it.

 

If she's not ready to become financially responsible, then it might be time for it to be HER problem instead of "OURS".

Follow my financial journey: http://www.frugalrican.com


EQ FICO (01/16/2012): 656 - EQ FICO (02/16/2012): 743 - EQ (02/24/2012): 760 - EX (04/28/2012): 739 - GOAL 2013: 800+

AMEX BCE (0/10K) --- BOA 1-2-3 (0/15.9K) --- Discover More (0/6K) --- Chase Freedom Visa (0/1.4K) -- Hyatt Visa Sign. (0/5.8K) -- Barclay's NFL Card (0/7.5K) -- Chase Sapphire Preferred (0/5K)

Valued Member
algorithmslave
Posts: 68
Registered: ‎09-10-2012
Re: GF problems

squirrely2005 wrote:

Really didn't know what to title this. Anyway me and my gf have been together 4 years and lived together about 2.5. Been together since hs. Both 21(My bday was monday. Spent a decent amount that week and I guess this is where that's coming. We both did though).That's our backround.

 

We also work at the same place with the same schedule and make the same money. We also have a checking account together. I take care of all the money. Not exactly cuz I want to but because she doesn't want to help. So I find myself in "trouble" when she wants to buy something and we don't have the money for it and then i basically have to let her buy it. I spend money we don't have too, I'm not saying I don't, but it's hard for one person to budget for two people.

 

Anyway she's not understanding that. We've tried for her to do the budget and make payments but I don't think she evens knows how to make a credit card payment and so I end up taking over again. For some reason she doesn't want to do it together.

 

We're working towards paying off about $3000 in the next few months. It's going well so far but I'm stressing myself out realizing it might not work out as planned and I get in "trouble" again that I have credit cards. Whenever she talks to her family, which if I got into her family I'd write a book, she says "Brandon has to pay of his credit cards..." even though she spends on them too their apparently only mine. I'm the only one that overspends.

 

I guess I'm just venting that she won't go 50/50 on this with me and curious if anybody else has to deal with it and how they might deal with it. She literally never worries about it and ALL I do is worry about it. I also get a lot of crap about how my aunt has started to charge me insurance. She was paying for it when we were living at a house and paying rent but when we moved out I told my aunt i could help her out and so now my aunt asks for $115/month and my gf is SOOO upset about it.  "We made a deal that she'd pay so why is she going back on it?"

 

She's also against using CCs at all. She wants us to close all the cards and use debit. I've realized credit is better and then PIF and I've learned a lot of self control from these forums. It feels great to pay a card in full every month like I've been doing with our cards lately(still owe on one card). I have 5( 2 CU, 1 Capone, Carecredit, Jcrew) and she has 1. I'm comfortable with where I'm at. I never spent more than about 200 at a time on the jcrew until she offered to buy her brother clothes and I kind of thought well I might as well too. Don't use carecredit, hate capitalone cuz it does nothing for me, and one of my CU cards does nothing either but it's my oldest card. My other CU card is NFCU cashrewards so I want to use it and PIF but she doesn't see any benefit. Does anybody want to reply and give reasons of why it's better to use a credit card and just pif to prove it to her? haha My ultimate goal is Amex BCP.

Her goal is a house and I keep telling her that it's gonna be a crappy rate with the credit history that she has.

Thanks for reading.


This is a very interesting tone-of-thought you expressed concerning your situation........a simple solution to a choatic situation. Personally, I would run to a galaxy far, far away and never look back or return, EVER!!! No one, and I repeat no one can help someone who does not want help let alone does not even understand that they need help. My GF now fully understands, after a very hard lesson, my financial future belongs to her if she helps to CONTRIBUTE. There is no "I" in TEAM, although there is a "M" and an "E".....but that does not matter....

You can wrap me in your flag, make me say a praise to your creator and make me spend your currency, but remember this, I am a loyal servant to Justice and a Patriot to none. I am free...
Established Contributor
lithium78
Posts: 930
Registered: ‎07-30-2011
Re: GF problems

I really feel that these kinds of issues wouldn't be as prevalent if we had some kind of personal finance classes in high school.  I had a similar situation and it took a lot of pain to get myself on track.

 

Joint accounts are an endless source of pain, because they put you at the mercy of your significant other.  No matter how much you love someone else, you shouldn't put all your finances at their disposal.  You may feel 100% certain that you can trust this person with all your soul, but you have to protect yourself no matter what.  You need to keep separate bank accounts and a joint account only used for bills.  Each of you can contribute your portion of the bills into the joint account and you can make your payments from that account.

 

Keep separate credit cards.  If your GF has access to your credit card accounts, she can run up bills and no matter what they are you will be responsible for them or your credit will be damaged.

 

Get some financial literacy classes for your GF.  If your local credit union offers classes on personal finance, enroll her in them.  Have her watch The Suze Orman Show on CNBC and get her a copy of her book "The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke."  Suze Orman can work wonders in people who are financially literate and are afraid to learn what they need to know.

 

It may sound harsh to take all this advice, but it really shows that you love her that you want to help her gain the real world skills she needs as an adult and that you want to build a happier, healthier relationship.


Starting Score: TU: 566
Current Score: TU: 741 (Discover FICO); EQ: 755 (MyFico) EX: 774 (FAKO)
Goal Score: 800

Take the FICO Fitness Challenge
Regular Contributor
localuser
Posts: 151
Registered: ‎09-07-2012
Re: GF problems

Your too young to stress out about what another young person is doing.  You're right to stress about your finances(probably not the best word butyou get my jist)  Also if she is throwing you under the bus infront of her parents make a little spread sheet and track whats yours and hers spending etc...  Pull it out and show them and make it simple.  Numbers do not lie and they will  know she buys "girl" items and you buy "guy" items.  Let them see it prove to them that you are doing your part and she is not.  I have also been a big adovocate and putting it all on the table to prove my point even if it makes me look like an a##

 

If they get upset then you will ALWAYS lose my friend and losing should never be an option when it comes to your finances.  I found the right one at age 25, she helped me I helped her.  She told me we need to get A B C taken care of and WE did it not her not me.  I wish you the best of luck

Cap1Secured $700 | Chase Slate $700 | Amazon Store $3300 | Discover IT $7000 | Lowe's $8000 | AmEx BCE $20000
January 2014 (myFICOs): Equifax 675 ^ TransUnion 661 Experian 723 ^
Goal: Never miss a payment | Last App: 11/21/2013
Blogger
FrugalRican
Posts: 2,876
Registered: ‎02-02-2012
Re: GF problems

localuser wrote:

Your too young to stress out about what another young person is doing.  You're right to stress about your finances(probably not the best word butyou get my jist)  Also if she is throwing you under the bus infront of her parents make a little spread sheet and track whats yours and hers spending etc...  Pull it out and show them and make it simple.  Numbers do not lie and they will  know she buys "girl" items and you buy "guy" items.  Let them see it prove to them that you are doing your part and she is not.  I have also been a big adovocate and putting it all on the table to prove my point even if it makes me look like an a##

 

If they get upset then you will ALWAYS lose my friend and losing should never be an option when it comes to your finances.  I found the right one at age 25, she helped me I helped her.  She told me we need to get A B C taken care of and WE did it not her not me.  I wish you the best of luck


To me, this sounds like a whole lot more work than just dumping her.

 

Follow my financial journey: http://www.frugalrican.com


EQ FICO (01/16/2012): 656 - EQ FICO (02/16/2012): 743 - EQ (02/24/2012): 760 - EX (04/28/2012): 739 - GOAL 2013: 800+

AMEX BCE (0/10K) --- BOA 1-2-3 (0/15.9K) --- Discover More (0/6K) --- Chase Freedom Visa (0/1.4K) -- Hyatt Visa Sign. (0/5.8K) -- Barclay's NFL Card (0/7.5K) -- Chase Sapphire Preferred (0/5K)

Regular Contributor
localuser
Posts: 151
Registered: ‎09-07-2012
Re: GF problems
It is but it will prove she is more at fault then he is... I like people knowing the truth.
Cap1Secured $700 | Chase Slate $700 | Amazon Store $3300 | Discover IT $7000 | Lowe's $8000 | AmEx BCE $20000
January 2014 (myFICOs): Equifax 675 ^ TransUnion 661 Experian 723 ^
Goal: Never miss a payment | Last App: 11/21/2013
Blogger
FrugalRican
Posts: 2,876
Registered: ‎02-02-2012
Re: GF problems

What's that going to prove to the parents?

They very likely know EXACTLY what she's like. Seriously, I know how my father would react if my brother-in-law came up to him and showed a spreadsheet of my sister's expenses to him.

 

And what do you think this guy's girlfriend is going to think once she sees he's keeping a score card of their spending AND taking it to her parents?

Follow my financial journey: http://www.frugalrican.com


EQ FICO (01/16/2012): 656 - EQ FICO (02/16/2012): 743 - EQ (02/24/2012): 760 - EX (04/28/2012): 739 - GOAL 2013: 800+

AMEX BCE (0/10K) --- BOA 1-2-3 (0/15.9K) --- Discover More (0/6K) --- Chase Freedom Visa (0/1.4K) -- Hyatt Visa Sign. (0/5.8K) -- Barclay's NFL Card (0/7.5K) -- Chase Sapphire Preferred (0/5K)