Senior Contributor
Posts: 3,491
Registered: ‎07-25-2008
Re: GF problems

afk wrote:

I'm a newbie - but I'm going to disagree on the Joint Account thing.


We did that - and my name was first on the account. I found myself covering overdrafts.. and more overdrafts.. so I quit enabling and covering the debt, thinking my spouse would learn. My spouse was sorry, they were going to pay it, they did pay it but the bank screwed up and it didn't reflect in the statement... and the bank closed the account in "our" names and it is overdrawn over $2K.  My spouse is supposedly paying $20/week in cash at the bank on this account. I don't believe that is actually happening but I have not checked - there are too many other bills to focus on. A collection agency was calling for a while, I'm not sure where they went.


I love my spouse; but they are *horrible* at money management. We are in our 40s so I don't think they will "learn". Did I see this coming? Yes, but I fooled myself into thinking it wasn't that bad. I was wrong.


My take is if you want to make this work, ask yourself if you can live with her lack of money management. When you are 40, and it is exactly the same, will you resent her? Or will you have accepted it already and it is not an issue? If you choose to accept that this is how she is and she probably will not change, then you might want to consider setting up accounts in your name only; accept that you will be handling all the finances alone, and probably hide the emergency fund. It sounds like she would qualify for her own credit card so maybe encourage her to build up her own credit, but be forewarned that you may be responsible for that debt as well if you are married.
For some, finances is a dealbreaker. For others, it is not. Just know up front what you can and cannot tolerate or accept; and go from there.


Good Luck Smiley Happy


I think the 'real' question is "Will you love her enough to balance out the resentment?". Much as we delude ourselves to believe othewise; constant financial stress causes resentment.

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