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Posts: 7,225
Registered: ‎09-16-2011
Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions

arynamber wrote:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months.. I know people often say it, but it honestly feels like longer for both of us. I moved in 2 months ago.. he needed a roomie and I needed a place. For the most part its been good. Im currently getting unemployment.. and he has a great job but also lots of debt. He pretty much pays the rent, electric, etc and I pay for food and household stuff and give him cash when I can...
My kids are coming back this summer to live with us and I will be getting child support.. and by that time I should also be working. I think my BF is scared of having to "pick up slack"  He made some strange comment the other day about how if we ever get married he wants to keep our finances completely seperate as he likes to go to Starbucks etc and doesnt want me, 'getting mad at him for silly spending"... Im very thrifty.
My question I guess is in looking ahead.. how does one deal with finances in a new marriage (2nd of me and I have three kids) seems odd to split everything.. he makes almost 2x the amount I make.. should I always be expected to pay half of all bills. I know I have the kids as well but thats why I get child support.

Just wondering how other blended families work it

A couple of things strike me from your post...  You say he has a lot of debt, and yet is scared for someone to tell him that he "can't have that cup of Starbucks"

This tells me that he isn't really interested in being out of debt or giving up his luxuries,   He might also have been down this road with other partners and had some really bad experiences.


I think sharing finances is a really tough thing to do for someone who is used to being independent... giving up financial control is very hard!  And guess what, you don't have to!   As long as you are able to work together then it should be fine.  My husband and I maintain our own seperate accounts, but we are each a joint holder on the others accounts.  I'm responsible for paying bills from our respective accounts.  It works for us!


Basically if you are thinking and talking about long term things, then you definately need to be on the same page, and both parties need to be motivated to make it work,   Maybe he's trying to tell you that he's not ready for that step yet! 


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