Re: My wife is making my financial life miserable
10-29-2011 06:46 AM
I really want to be helpful but can't think of a nice way to tell CreditCrusader he's probably in deep doo doo.
A buddy of mine went through a similar situation until literally getting his wife to join the army, LOL! She's spend everything in sight, send money to relatives in Nigeria and England, collect money for lunch from people at work, pay with a the CC and then Western Union money to relatives, shop until dropping, etc... Everything he did to control spending only cause increased creativity or OD fees, credit cards, Debit cards with money budgeted for certain periods of time, and watching her like a hawk didn't matter. No matter what he had to keep forking over cash because she'd spend the food budget and leaving the kid hungry wasn't an option. His second job became making sure she didn't spend them into the poor house.
He figures the entire military paycheck is going to her lazy relatives but doesn't care.
Believe me when I tell you, I will keep a tight grip on the finances and what you describe will NEVER happen in my home. Little mouths don't get fed if I let her spend.
This is more about how I can bring her around to being responsible with money since my marriage will suffer greatly if she continues to keep these habits and resent me for disallowing them where our family budget is concerned.
You can't rescue a fish from water, CC.
I'd bluntly ask if she really wants a house. You two may have totally different financial and familial long-term goals. Worse yet, she could be one of those who 'spends in anticipation of wealth' and simply figures you'll be able to afford the lifestyle in a few years anyways so it's no big deal. "Do you want a house? Or not?" isn't an easy place to start but unless she's unable to make the connection between these spending habits and ultimate home ownership there's no point.
Personally, keeping an eye on someone's daily spending habits doesn't sound like a fun job. I'm too simple a dude for that and am not controlling by nature. Besides, there are plenty of places that will extend credit based upon household income. You could do everything right and still not manage to qualify as the mortgage may need both parties to have great credit.
It more or less reads like a disaster waiting to happen. Wish I was smart enough to write that in a way that read as helpful as my intent yet still honest. I've read, re-read it and keep thinking there has to be a better way. I just don't think anything but a job and being responsible for her own debts and financial decisions will cause growing up for anyone. You can't say "Grow the heck up! We'll never get a house if you keep spending this way!" and then keep bailing her out.
My buddy's mom has the kids... a lot! The wife is just too irresponsible with money to be trusted when he's deployed.
Have you considered marriage counseling? Maybe there's some resentment over things and spending is a way to get your attention.
Sadly, you won't get a lot of responses to this thread. This sub-forum isn't very busy and it's also possible many others are in similar circumstances on either side. I've read horror stories on other sites where people got goaded, nagged, or just plain fooled themselves into into buying way much more house, car, or whatever than they hoping it would make somebody happy.
My Ex was a huge fan of the cash advances, minimum payment method, LOL! I didn't even know until the bank sent a letter explaining authorized users could not request CLIs. Apparently her
boyfriend needed bail money.
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