@ MissExcellentCredit,
You somehow managed to neatly sum up what was bothering me about the whole situation before I even figured it out.
Women really are smarter than us men, LOL!
Funny thing is, I would have never figured out why the idea felt icky. Seeing it in black and white makes me go "Jeez, Jake! The whole point of a girlfriend is you don't lose half your crap if it's time to make a change!". I can't imagine intentionally putting the kids in moving or changing homes again
Thank you! I'm not necessarily happy about finally getting it but am glad to understand things better. 
Starting Score: 675