Re: My wife is making my financial life miserable
02-25-2012 07:12 AM
My wife has tried to ruin me financially, but she did NOT succeed. Perhaps describing things so as to imply that she tried is NOT accurate...but a little emotional.
I have a substantial income, and we have a 10,000 square foot house. My wife has two children from a prior marriage, and I have one. We share an 8yo son together. My wife is NOT at all capable of managing money. I recognized this early in the marriage. We have been married for 9 years. That said, she purported to need money every month. Therefore, as her husband, I gave to her $3000 per month over a 6 year period of time. In total she received $237,000. Today her credit score is about 300. She has no funds whatsoever, and she was working during this same period of time. No one knows where this money went. While she received these funds, 100% of all expenses were paid in the house. We had a nanny, a house keeper, etc. She had no expenses WHATSOEVER regarding the house. Her ex refused to pay child support...and he is a lawyer. I have maintained a very good credit score, got my oldest son through an Ivy League University- he graduated debt free ontime, and kept our youngest in private school.
The lesson: DO NOT HAVE A JOINT ACCOUNT. DO NOT GIVE THE WIFE ACCESS TO ANY OF THE MONEY. IF YOU HAVE A JOINT ACCOUNT CLOSE IT. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS SITUATION WILL NOT GET BETTER. WHEN ONE OF YOU WORRIES ABOUT THE FINANCES THE OTHER DOES NOT HAVE TO, SHE COULD SPEND EVERY DIME YOU ONLY TO FILE FOR DIVORCE AND ASK THAT YOU CONTINUE TO TAKE CARE OF HER. And while not allowing access creates marital discord, which would you prefer? If you divorce and your personal credit is ruined than anger and hopelessness abounds. If however, you continue to NOT allow the wife access to funds, she will become angry and feel as if she is not a part of things, and therefore she will seek a divorce. To whit, you will feel a sense of relief and freedom having not allowed access versus "**bleep** was I thinking for allowing her access." Either way you will be divorced. The thread for this blog is Love and Money. A marriage in America based solely on love is doomed to fail, as is one based solely on money. If you cannot balance the two with your wife, the marriage will fail. The longer you stay, the more it will cost you if and when you leave...now she may leave when she has had enough or the money dries up.
Marriage is meant to be a partnership, emotionally, physically, and financially.
Just as in a business partnership, you have to have common goals with your partner, and you have to be able to trust one another and be open and accountable to one another.
I wouldn't try to keep track of every penny that a partner has, and vice versa. We're all grownups, and we have a right to our own Baby Ruth splurges and CD sprees. But $3K a month, just gone, without a trace; that's nuts.
As is common in military families, my mother managed the household income for her entire married life, and it went great. My parents discussed things, planned things, and accomplished many of their goals and dreams. It wasn't so smooth with DXH, mainly in the common plans and dreams department, but we were both responsible with money, and we did OK with me managing the checkbook for day-to-day stuff, and us jointly deciding on big stuff.
As I mentioned in another thread, I would be OK with only one person handling all the money when the other can't or won't take responsibility, IF the first person keeps records and is willing to share what's going on and IF the other person truly signs on and doesn't whine and complain. Some are genuinely relieved to be out from under the burden of handling and thinking about money.
But refusing to be responsible AND complaining about being put on an allowance, that's childish and absurd.
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007