I just went through the whole IBR drama thing too and the best advice I can give on that one is keep a close eye on your accounts with your student loan servicers (if you have more than one and it sounds like you do - I do too). I'm with ACS and Great Lakes... Great Lakes has been a total pain and is still reporting my one loan as "in-school" status - thanks to my graduate school reporting that I'm still enrolled - argh! ACS has been easier to deal with and got all my IBR requests processed within their 7-10 day window. If you're with Nelnet or one of the others, I couldn't say how quickly they will move but I'm betting that it will be similar timing.
The biggest thing is to be sure that your loans are in a status that allows for IBR - either forebearance or repayment (I believe). If they are in-school or grace, they won't process the IBR request. I ended up doing the consolidation to get the majority OUT of grace so I could get the darned IBR payments set up.
I'm sorry to hear that they're requiring you to include your separated-husband's income. I'll be crossing my fingers that it all works out for you!
Starting Score: EQ 622, TU 676, EX 643 (mtg lender pulls) 2/1/12